


He Onward Came

by deluxemycroft



Series: Ouroboros [22]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abduction, Alien Culture, Alien Planet, Amnesia, Asgard, Body Modification, Branding, Changing Relationships, Codependency, Developing Relationship, Helheimr | Hel (Realm), Infinity Gems (Marvel), Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Jötunheimr | Jotunheim, Loyalty, M/M, Magic, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Non-Sexual Submission, Outer Space, Political Theater, Politics, Reality Stone (Marvel), Resurrection, Service Submission, Soul Bond, Soul Stone (Marvel), Telepathy, The Tesseract (Marvel), a quest, servitude, space travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28927395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deluxemycroft/pseuds/deluxemycroft
Summary: Wherever Steve Rogers has gone, Loki will find him.The journey may be long, but it is not endless.They go into the dark.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Loki, Clint Barton & Sif, Clint Barton/Stephen Strange, Loki & Sif (Marvel), Loki/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sif
Series: Ouroboros [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1199902
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> please read the previous stories in this series before reading this.
> 
> i hope you like cyclicalism! everything that goes around comes around.
> 
> finally at long last: the fic where they find steve. gonna take us a bit to get there, but he's there! somewhere out in the dark.
> 
> i chose not to use archive warnings and will warn for anything suitable at the beginning of each chapter. if you think something needs warning for and i didn't include it, please let me know and i'll add it in. rating and tags will also be updated with every chapter.
> 
> fic is finished, i'll post a chapter every saturday.
> 
> have fun! enjoy the show
> 
>  _italics_ is telepathy, **bold** is texting or writing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter mentions lady loki--there won't be much gender talk in this fic, but there will be in the next one. i think that aesir have waaaay different concepts of gender than humans do and on top of that, i think loki has some complicated Gender Feelings but i've never really gone into depth on those (yet!). so for now just a mention and later we'll talk about it more. also loki defaults to he/him pronouns. just fyi!
> 
> please enjoy a stephen strange who has changed just as much as everyone else has--he's not the only one who is remarkably different than who they were in 'it ends bad'. he's still a jerk (they all are) but he's a healthier and slightly more well-adjusted jerk who isn't being influenced/manipulated by thor :)

_Attended with ten thousand thousand Saints,  
He onward came; far off his coming shone;  
And twenty thousand (I their number heard)  
Chariots of God, half on each hand, were seen;  
He on the wings of Cherub rode sublime  
On the crystalline sky, in sapphire throned,  
Illustrious far and wide;_  
-John Milton, _Paradise Lost_

* * *

“Children?” Clint Barton repeated, shaking his head. “I still can’t imagine it.” He walked around Loki, polishing up one of his golden pauldrons and readjusting his long cape. “How did that even happen?”

“Well, pet, when one human loves another…”

Clint snorted, hit him on the arm. Loki smiled slightly, reached out to briefly touch Clint’s arm as he moved away, as if still unable to believe he was still there. Clint was getting used to it. “I know you have memories of them that I don’t, but...what were they like?”

“Lila was my favorite,” Loki said after thinking about it for a minute. “She was bright and lively and rather smart, even for a human. Cooper was a bit more reserved, and he thought very highly of our dear Bucky. Nathaniel was...a baby. But, I would suppose, not the most obnoxious infant I have met. I believe he was learning how to walk when...when Thanos came. How much do you remember of Laura?”

He remembered waking up next to a woman in bed and not knowing who she was. He remembered coming downstairs in the morning for breakfast and seeing Loki sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by various children, talking to a woman, and none of them had faces. What was a human without a face? He wondered if they had existed at all. Surely they must have, and yet… He could see that Loki cared for them, in his own peculiar, reserved way, and he could feel affection swell inside of him, wrap around his heart, but he did not know who it was for, or which one of them it came from. He remembered Loki giving someone money; Laura, he presumed, but was unsure what it was for. Knowing Loki, it could have been for a dozen reasons or no reason at all. 

“Not enough,” he finally decided upon, kneeling before Loki to polish his boots. A single long-fingered hand, with a pale gold ring on the third finger of the left hand, came to stroke gently over his hair. “What was she like? Laura?”

“You loved her, and for good reason,” Loki told him. “She was lovely and loyal. If you had asked for me to choose a wife for you, I would have chosen someone like her. Supportive and sharp-witted and...what you needed at the time, I believe.”

“I didn’t know about you until you and Thor bonded,” Clint told him, polishing the black leather and the gold buckles. “But I was...looking for you. I remember that. I didn’t know what was missing but I was looking. In every life, I looked.”

“I know,” Loki murmured, rubbing strands of Clint’s hair in between his fingers. “I believe I sought you as well.”

“You _believe_ , huh?” Clint teased, grabbing Loki’s wrist to lever himself to his feet. Loki’s thin mouth curled into a fond smile as he watched Clint toss the polishing rag into the laundry basket and then turn back to him. Clint looked up at him and smiled. “I...I don’t need to ask, but would I have given them up for you now, if they still existed?”

“I doubt there are very many things you would not sacrifice for me,” Loki told him after considering it for a moment. “Do you fear that about yourself?”

Clint shrugged one shoulder, led Loki out of his massive closet and back into the bedroom. They really needed to have a dressing room put in. “All I know about myself is that I’m yours,” Clint told him, opening the door to the parlor. “And that I’m good as hell with a bow. Don’t need to know anything else.”

Loki nodded, following him. Sif and Stephen Strange were waiting for them, talking about Stephen’s return to Midgard, but they quieted when Loki entered the room, Sif straightening up from where she was leaning against the back of one of the couches.

“If you’re done,” Loki drawled.

Stephen rolled his eyes. “I’m waiting for the return of my Cloak,” he told Loki, tone a bit short. “I believe the motives for my behavior have been adequately explained.” In Clint’s opinion, he did look a little peculiar without the familiar Cloak over his shoulders. The high collar of the Cloak emphasized Stephen’s high cheekbones and his fine bone structure and—

Huh. Maybe he wasn’t as ambivalent about Stephen as he’d thought.

Loki cast Clint an amused look and then poked through one of his pocket dimensions, pulling out the Cloak of Levitation. He’d had to wrap the pesky thing in seidr cords and bind it up in a tight ball to keep it from clawing at the edges of his dimension in it’s escape attempts. Clint snorted at the sight of it, catching it as Loki tossed it over to him, using the ruby-hilted dagger to cut the binds. He shook the Cloak out, smoothing his fingers over the fine crimson cloth. To his surprise, the Cloak rushed up his arms and wrapped around his shoulders, almost hugging him, and then it pulled away and darted through the air to Stephen, settling comfortably in place over his shoulders.

Clint meant to look at Loki to see what he was supposed to do next, where they were going, but Stephen’s eyes caught his, and he couldn’t seem to look away.

Loki grumbled something under his breath and poked at something in Clint’s mind, forcibly dragging his attention away from Stephen. _Rude little thing,_ Loki admonished him.

 _Sorry, m’lord,_ Clint replied cheekily. _I’ll make sure to stop paying attention to the man you bound my soul to._

Loki rolled his eyes. “I’ll give you two some time,” he said, motioning for Sif to follow him. “Come find me once you’ve...reconciled. And I shouldn’t have to remind you but make sure to pack clothes for me. Plan for minimum of six months or so.”

“Six months?” Stephen repeated as Loki flounced out of his rooms, Sif following obediently behind. “He thinks it will take that long?”

Clint shrugged one shoulder, crossed his arms over his chest, tried to look casual. “If that’s how long he thinks it’ll take to find Steve,” he tried, “then that’s how long it takes.” He glanced around the parlor. “So...are we supposed to fuck or something?”

Stephen smiled at him, moving closer. He looked at Clint like he knew him, like he was familiar, like he cared for him. Clint wanted to be known like that, to remember that, but Stephen was as faceless in his memories—what little of them he had—as everyone else. All he remembered was Loki, throughout all his thousands upon thousands of lives, every iteration of him, and everyone else was background noise. Sometimes other memories filtered back, but they were few and far between.

“I believe this is the first time Loki has left us alone together since you woke up,” Stephen told him, his deep voice going a bit soft, and when he reached out a hand towards Clint, it was a motion that seemed practiced and Clint met him in the middle, tenderly taking Stephen’s scarred fingers in between his own.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Clint told him, looking at the differences in their hands. He really did just like tall angular jackasses, huh. “I don’t have much seidr, but I have enough that we could make it quick.”

Stephen shifted, hand tightening briefly around Clint’s, and then he said, “No, you don’t need to do that. I don’t...you don’t know me.”

Clint looked up at him, traced over his sharp features, wondered if Loki had thought about the repercussions when he’d tied them together. “No,” he said, “I don’t. But you can fuck me anyways. I don’t mind.”

“I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t _mind_ , Clint. It’s not…” Stephen let out a harsh breath, tugging at Clint’s hand to pull him a bit closer. “I need to say something and I need you to listen.”

“Sure, Doc,” Clint replied slowly, brows drawing together, frowning up at him.

“When we...when _Loki_ made the decision to erase your memories, when you sacrificed yourself, there wasn’t any consideration of us. Of you and me. I wasn’t even thinking about it at the time, but once Loki knocked you unconscious, I realized I’d never get a chance to say what I should’ve said.”

“What would that have been?”

Stephen let out a long breath. “I wanted to apologize. I knew what would happen to...to you, to Laura, to your children, to everyone, and I thought it had to happen. I didn’t think there was any other choice, because the reality of Thanos getting even one more Infinity Stone was far worse. I didn’t tell you, I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t think it would matter.”

Clint nodded. “I...you shouldn’t have let me suffer,” he said finally, with a sigh. “I tried to kill myself.”

Stephen’s mouth pinched. “I know.”

“How many futures did you see?”

“Over 1000. All of them ended with Loki choosing one of the doors.” Stephen shook his head. “I realize now that that was what the Norns wanted him to do so they chose to show me that, and I didn’t look past it, didn’t part the curtain of the future they wanted me to see.” He moved his free hand up to cup Clint’s chin, tilt his face up. It was a peculiar feeling to be touched by someone other than Loki; it almost felt like he was being pricked by needles. “It was my own hubris that didn’t cause me to push against it. I thought, as Keeper of the Time Stone, that I could not be outmatched, nor outwitted. There was no reason to think that, which...I don’t know if you could have forgiven me. Before.”

Clint thought about that, thought about what he remembered from those six long months without Loki, if he had known Stephen could have prevented it or somehow lessened the agony. Then he thought about what he remembered about himself, who he was outside of Loki, and wished he’d known about everything before. “I forgive you now,” he said finally, looking back up at Stephen, over the concern on his face, over the affection in his eyes, even now, even when Clint was not the man Stephen had fallen in love with. “I hope that’s good enough.”

Stephen blinked rapidly a few times and then leaned down, pressing a warm kiss to his mouth and then touching their foreheads together. He let out a sigh, eyes fluttering shut. “You’re always going to be good enough,” Stephen told him gently, breath puffing out over Clint’s mouth. They stood together for a few moments before Stephen straightened up, looking down at Clint. “But thank you. I appreciate it. There wasn’t time to...talk about the repercussions, about what it would _mean_. Loki was...frantic. He was on the precipice. He would have killed you and that would have killed him. How much do you remember about Steve?”

Clint knew everything that Loki knew about him, which was...a great deal. “Enough,” he said finally. More than enough, really.

“Loki is...I don’t want to say unstable, because that’s unfair, but he’s an unanchored ship. He’s without ballast. I don’t know entirely if it’s because of what Thor did to him, or if that’s how he’s always been, but it’s who he is now. And you and Steve are what steady him. If he did something to you, something permanent, he wouldn’t survive it.”

Clint nodded, thinking about that. He thought about all of Loki’s lives, long or short they may be, and thought about Thor bonding Loki to himself to keep him anchored, and he understood. “I get it,” he said finally. “He needs people. He acts like he doesn’t, but he does.”

Stephen’s brow furrowed and he gave a slow nod. Then he smiled slightly and commented, “Sounds familiar.”

It took Clint a few seconds to realize Stephen was referring to himself, and he smiled up at the witch and then dropped his gaze to their intertwined hands. He brought up his other hand and traced over a few of the long surgery scars on Stephen’s fingers. “What was Laura like?” he asked, his voice quiet. He had already asked Loki but Loki was...well, Loki, and Clint knew Stephen’s experience with her would be different, and likely far more human.

Stephen took a minute to respond, and when he did, he sounded wounded. “She loved you,” Stephen told him, bringing his free hand forward to rest it on Clint’s hip, then tucking a couple fingers inside his belt. “She was fierce and unapologetic and brilliant. She could even tell Loki what to do. Laura was...I didn’t love her, but I would have.” Stephen paused for a moment, cleared his throat. “I told Loki this, but you might not remember. After the change happened, I was engaged to Christine Palmer. She was a surgeon alongside me at Metro-General. In the new timeline, she and I reconciled after I became the Master of the New York Sanctum and we began a relationship. I thought...I thought about choosing her.”

“Was she why…” Clint trailed off, dropping Stephen’s hand and turning his head away.

“No,” Stephen told him, grabbing Clint’s hand back up and squeezing it. His grip was weak but his voice was strong. “I’ll tell you this: it would’ve been easier. I could’ve slot into that life and waited out the time until one of the doors shut on it. But...I didn’t. I left her. I worked with the Avengers and Kamar-Taj on finding out everything that changed and what was going to happen next. Clint, I...Laura was like Christine in that she was confident in what she wanted from life. Both smart, beautiful women who always saw through my bullshit and never put up with it. That’s what I meant. I don’t know if you would love Laura now, if you met her now, but you loved her back then.”

Clint nodded. The Cloak of Levitation, perhaps sensing the swirl of emotions whirling around in his chest, rose up off Stephen’s shoulders and floated over to Clint, wrapping around him like a comfortable blanket. Clint dropped Stephen’s hand to grab the edge of the Cloak, running his fingers over the tight stitching and the fine fabric.

“It looks good on you,” Stephen told him.

Clint snorted. “Don’t gotta lie to me,” he chuckled. “It’s like a foot too long. Not got your height.”

The Cloak lifted the trailing edges of itself off the floor, swirling the extra fabric around Clint’s legs. Stephen smiled down at him and tugged Clint closer, winding his arms around Clint’s waist and holding him close.

Clint paused for a moment before leaning close, hesitating before twisting his fingers in Stephen’s loose tunic. Stephen was strong, trim and muscular, and he held Clint’s weight with ease. Clint was still extremely underweight, but he had gained back nearly fifteen pounds since Loki had fixed him. Or broken him completely to fix him. Same thing. He was getting close to the point where Eir had said he could start training again to build up necessary muscle and he was down to one refeeding potion a day. All the sitting around he was doing was making him antsy.

“Loki told me that if I asked him for a wife, he’d find someone like Laura,” Clint told him, voice muffled a bit by the way he was pressing his face into Stephen’s chest. He smelled good, kind of like seidr and like some cologne that Clint didn’t recognize.

Stephen leaned his chin against the top of Clint’s head. “I would hope that he has no desire to find you a wife, given that he’s the one who nonconsensually bound your soul to mine.”

“Consent doesn’t really come into it,” Clint tried, but Stephen’s tired laugh cut him off.

“I know,” Stephen told him. “You and I have talked about this before. Many times.” His arms tightened around Clint and then he released him, breaking Clint’s grasp on him as he stepped back. “I must return to Earth. Loki’s abduction took me away from valuable research.”

Clint gave him a crooked smile. “Yeah, why’d he do that, anyway?”

“You know Loki,” Stephen told him, tugging at the Cloak until it released it’s grasp on Clint’s shoulders and went back to him. “He has to do everything in the most dramatic manner possible. He came to the Sanctum and wanted to talk.” He paused for a moment and sighed. “Well, _she_ came to the Sanctum. I didn’t recognize her at first, but Loki...she knew that, made me uncomfortable with it. When I dismissed her, she decided I was going to talk with her regardless, and spirited me away to Asgard. I believe Loki bound me in the chair because he thought it would be funny.”

Clint snorted. “Well, it kinda was,” he said, and when Stephen smiled at him and leaned down for a kiss, Clint met him halfway.

Stephen couldn’t seem to stop touching him; he cupped Clint’s cheeks in both hands, turned his face how he wanted it, nipped at Clint’s mouth until he opened, plundered his mouth until Clint was lightheaded and clutching at him for balance. Stephen didn’t pull back until he fully mapped out Clint’s mouth and got what he wanted, biting at Clint’s lips and sucking on the lower one before fully straightening up, hazel eyes searching out Clint’s face, smirking at the flush on his cheeks and his harsh breathing.

“You said Loki was a she?” Clint asked, trying to calm himself down.

“Yes,” Stephen said, his voice a bit breathy. “I think she took that form because she knew it would throw me off.”

“Yeah, that’s Loki for ya. If there’s a way to make you uncomfortable, he’ll find it and do it.”

Stephen brushed his thumb over Clint’s lower lip. “Will your phone work? While you’re gone?”

“I’ll ask Loki,” Clint replied. “But it should. I don’t know exactly how long we’ll be gone but I’ll...I’ll miss you.”

Stephen nodded. “We’re going to keep searching for Steve on Earth,” he said, “as well as continue looking into who is leaving Thor’s energy signature. You don’t know anything about that, do you?”

“Not a clue,” Clint replied cheerily, forcing himself to step away from Stephen before he decided to really let the witch ravish him. “Make sure you keep an eye out for Loki’s spear. Maybe they’re related? I’ve seen a lot of powerful weapons and that was the most powerful one I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“I’ll consider it,” Stephen told him. “I’ll also be sending sorcerers to Asgard to help with shielding and warding the Reality Stone.” He searched Clint’s face and then inclined his head. “I’ll...be seeing you.”

Stephen turned to open a portal and right as he disappeared through it, Clint called after him, “Nice job on the goodbyes there, Doc!” He smiled to himself as the portal flickered shut with a flourish of gold-orange sparkles, and then Clint went back to the bedroom to begin packing for Loki.

* * *

“Feels like the field is bigger,” Clint commented after the Bifrost deposited them on the far side of the field from Hjalmar’s cabin. “Maybe he’s done some forest clearing.”

“I kind of miss when you didn’t speak,” Sif spoke up, which made Loki laugh. Clint shot him a betrayed look and Loki gave him a condescending pat on the shoulder. The three of them began to move across the vast field, Clint enjoying the sun and the feel of the grass and the contentment and eagerness for the search emanating from Loki. He had his god by his side and his bow on his back—what else could he need?

“You said Volstagg will be meeting us in Jotunheim?” Loki asked Sif, although he already knew the answer.

They had spoken with the Warriors Three when they had returned to Asgard. Hogun had searched Earth and the planets in that solar system, and had predictably turned up nothing. Fandral had been tasked with the various other realms in the Nine Realms, and had found evidence of Steve being seen on Svartalfheim and Jotunheim, but no other real leads. Volstagg had gone out of the Nine and into the endless expanse of the galaxy, and instead of looking for a human, he had gone searching for sightings of Mjolnir and the Power Stone. He hadn’t found any sightings of Mjolnir or lightning seidr, but he had found sightings of the peculiar seidr of the Power Stone, and that was where they were beginning their search.

After Clint talked to Hjalmar, of course. If only he could remember what he wanted to talk to him about.

“Aye,” Sif replied. “Did you prepare a gift for Helblindi?”

Loki grimaced at the reminder. His brother had become engaged sometime in the past seven months, or perhaps before the battle, or perhaps it was a consequence of the change. He hadn’t been really paying attention to the entirety of Balder’s request of him that he go to Jotunheim to formally congratulate the crown prince on his engagement. He’d been a bit preoccupied on the fact that Helblindi was engaged to Aegir—the same Jotnar that in another life, another timeline, Loki had been in love with. He was a Jotun that was blessed with sea seidr—he was even able to wield the Casket of Ancient Winters without permanently harming himself, and was able to exercise some control over Jotunheim’s vast oceans.

Helblindi was living the life that Loki would have lived if he had been left on Jotunheim and not kidnapped as a babe. Loki still didn’t quite know what to think of that, or if there was even anything to be thought.

He shrugged one shoulder, plucked a long piece of grass as he strode by it, fiddled with it between his fingers. “Yes,” he replied, a bit shortly. “I intend to offer them an intradimensional ocean realm where they may be both near the water and the palace simultaneously.”

Clint shot him a peculiar look.

Sif whistled. “Most realms send a crate of wine or mead,” she commented. “Never would have thought Loki to be the one to go above and beyond.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Must I be so predictable,” he muttered, “even by way of my gifts?”

“Point taken,” Sif replied with a small smile. “I would suppose that a cask of mead or a case of wine would not be enough for the Prince of Asgard.”

“How boring,” Loki told her, “and how unbefitting the High Seat of Asgard.”

Clint grinned up at him. “Can’t believe I made it to the day you care about that,” he told Loki, who gave him a friendly shove that had Clint staggering to the side and laughing over it. “Always gotta do the opposite of what people expect, eh, boss?”

 _Being predictable is a death sentence,_ Loki told him, walking closer to Clint and sliding his hand across Clint’s shoulders, tapping his fingers over the golden snake wrapped around Clint’s neck. The sun was warm and beat pleasantly down on them, making them walk a bit slower and take enjoyment in it. _Of course, one must be careful upon the line of predictable predictability—if they expect that you will give the standard gift, then be extravagant._

 _Sometimes I think you enjoy making shit up and you make up the reason why after the fact,_ Clint told him, bumping his shoulder into Loki’s side and then turning his attention to Hjalmar’s cabin as they finally came upon it. Clint glanced back over his shoulder at the wide field and the wildflowers and the tall grass and the blue sky.

The door to the cabin banged open as they came close and Hjalmar rushed out, carrying a large sword. He let out a loud war cry but cut himself off at seeing who was upon his doorstep. Sif surged forward to meet him, spear raised, but Clint grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Ingrates, the lot of you,” Loki said, shaking his head. Hjalmar scowled at them, throwing his sword down and crossing his arms over his wide chest. “Hello, seidrmadr.”

“Prince,” Hjalmar greeted gruffly. “What do I owe the dubious honor?”

Loki turned and raised his eyebrows at Clint. _Well?_

“I have some questions for you,” Clint spoke up, moving past Hjalmar and moving inside the cabin. He couldn’t remember _what_ exactly he wanted to ask, but he figured it would come back to him in time. He had a vague memory of Stephen saying something about Thor’s spell and binding it? Maybe? It felt kind of blurred in his mind, like he was trying to find the memory through panes of glass. How peculiar.

He looked around, not paying attention to everyone filing in behind him, and he went over to the small kitchenette to pour himself a mug of mun-gat from the jar on the counter. Loki sent a shock of seidr down the bond between them and stopped his hand from actually pouring the drink. Clint scowled at him and turned back to look up at Hjalmar, who was glaring at him.

“Make me some tea, would you?” Clint asked the massive seidrmadr, who gave him a dirty look but after looking at Loki, went to do as he was asked. He found another jar and filled it with water, heating it up with a spell, getting out a few teacups and setting them aside. Then he turned and glowered at Clint.

“What do you demand of me?” Hjalmar questioned.

Clint leaned on the back of the chair Loki had sat down in, unclipping his quiver and bow from his back and laying them on the scarred wooden table in front of them. Loki pulled out one of the arrows and fiddled with it. “What changed for you?” Clint asked the seidrmadr, who narrowed his eyes at him. “You are a powerful seidrmadr,” Clint continued when Hjalmar didn’t seem keen to answer him. “You may not have been directly involved in the battle against Thanos, but you are in possession of the Norn Stones that bound the spell.”

Oh yeah. That’s what he wanted to ask about. That was easy enough.

“Which means you were probably less affected by the change than others,” Clint concluded. “So tell me what changed for you.”

“Or what?” Hjalmar countered, turning to pour the steaming water into the teacups, dropping a tea leaf infuser into each cup. He floated them over to the table and then picked up the jar of mun-gat and drank deeply from it. He burped and then continued, “What could the broken pet of a—”

“I’d advise you to not finish that sentence,” Loki cut in sharply. Hjalmar’s mouth clicked shut at the dark look on the prince’s face. “Answer his question. You may have left Asgard, but you are still a citizen of the Realm, and you obey the crown no less than anyone else.”

Hjalmar shook his massive head. “Very well,” he ground out. “All that _changed_ for me was Frigga’s interference. She did not curse me in the new life. I also did not bind your soul to Thor’s.”

Loki blinked a few times, processing that information. He had not even considered… “Does this...do I have the ability to carry more bonds now?” he asked finally, hoping against hope that he could fix the fragile bond between him and Clint without having to—

“Unlikely,” Hjalmar told him, cutting Loki’s thoughts off. Clint frowned at him, not quite following Loki’s full train of thought, and Hjalmar said, “I can see even by looking at you that you have the same soul as you did before the change.” He stroked his wild beard in thought. “Perhaps it is because the spell resided upon you? Or were you not present for the change?”

“The Norns pulled me to Yggdrasil only a moment after Thanos was killed,” Loki replied. Hjalmar’s bleary eyes widened.

“Aye, prince, that would do it,” Hjalmar told him, shaking his head.

Clint’s eyes strayed to the overstuffed bookshelves, his overwrought mind trying to start up. He had gotten better, healed up a bit, but wasn’t quite where he used to be, where he was meant to be. He was still foggy at times, although it had gotten far better with Loki’s thoughts intertwining with his own, and sometimes he couldn’t think right, but he mostly had it handled. It was made more difficult with the added difficulty of so many holes in his memories, but he was managing well enough.

He’d figure it out. They had all the time in the world.

“The Norn Stones didn’t disappear,” Clint noted. “I meant to ask you about those. I also wanted to ask about _my_ soul—”

Hjalmar made a curious sound, narrowing his eyes at Clint. He motioned the archer forward and Clint raised an eyebrow at him but complied, moving around the table and stopping an arm’s length away from Hjalmar. The seidrmadr drained the rest of the mun-gat and put the jug on the kitchen counter, turning his full attention to Clint.

He reached out one hand and was stopped by Loki’s deceptively mild tone, “I wouldn’t touch him if I were you.” Sif’s hand tightened on her spear.

“Noted,” Hjalmar muttered, holding his hand over Clint’s chest, a few inches above his tunic. Dark blue seidr, almost black, began to curl around his fingers, wrapping around his palm, and Clint shivered, stopping himself from stepping away from the feeling. Hjalmar frowned at him. “What has been done to you?” he demanded, looking between Clint and Loki. “Where is it’s soul?”

“As far as I’m aware, it’s in his chest,” Loki said, trying to act unconcerned by taking a sip of his tea, but both Clint and Sif saw right through him.

“It is,” Hjalmar said, “but not all of it. Where is the rest of it?”

“Thanos took it,” Loki replied tightly. “He ripped it out of him with the Reality Stone. Along with...other parts of him.”

“You need to tell me precisely what was taken from him,” Hjalmar demanded, filling up his mug with more mun-gat and moving over to the small kitchen table, dragging out one of the chairs and dropping down into it. “That is why you are here, are you not? For help?”

“Clint, Sif, go wait outside,” Loki told them.

“You know I can hear your thoughts, right?” Clint asked, but held his hands up when Loki shot him a nasty glare, following Sif outside. There was a large wooden armchair sitting out near the front door, surrounded by empty jugs and mugs, and Clint settled down into it, propping his elbow on one of the arms and leaning his chin on his palm. Sif took the time to practice a few spear combat training exercises. Clint pulled out his phone and took a few pictures of her against the backdrop of the sun and the massive verdant field and posted them on Loki’s Instagram.

“Hey, did I have a friend named Natasha?”

Back inside the cabin, Loki clasped his hands on top of the scarred table and looked steadily at Hjalmar. “Thanos ripped out his identity. I attempted to use the Reality Stone—”

“Simply because the Reality Stone was what changed him does not mean it would fix him,” Hjalmar interrupted.

“Yes. I am _aware_. Now, after the Reality Stone failed, I put him in a coma. Sif brought up the idea of...rebooting him, I believe the term is. Turning him off and then on again. A simple explanation for the great deal of work I did. I entered his mind and pulled it apart. I spent...days in there, in his mind. Everything that was not me, I removed. It was exhausting work, and when I left, I left behind the promise that I would fix him or die in the process. Then I moved onto his soul, which Thanos had ripped in twain. The part that was left was bound to Stephen Strange, which is how their bond survived. I believe it was purely coincidence that that was the part of the soul kept intact. Thanos was powerful, yes, but it would take hours upon hours to surgically cut a soul in that manner.

“He tore Clint’s very _being_ to shreds. His physical form was left intact, yes, but what he ripped from him…” Loki trailed off, shook his head. He gestured towards the mug of mun-gat in Hjalmar’s grasp and Hjalmar summoned another mug for him, filling it to the brim and then pushing it across the table. Loki drank deeply before speaking again. “He ripped out his voice, meddled with his mind, destroyed his bonds. He made him into not a person. I did not tell him but it was exquisitely terrible to look upon him and see all that had been taken from him. It felt as if I had reanimated the corpse of my best friend and was being forced to act as if he had not died.”

“What else did you do?”

Loki searched the seidrmadr’s face. He was only telling him as much as he was because he thought it would help Clint, perhaps give him some much needed insight into the situation, and not because he trusted Hjalmar. Loki knew he needed fresh eyes on the situation, ones that were not as emotionally attached as the rest of them. He raised a hand and the ruby-hilted dagger appeared in his palm. Loki pointed the blade at him. “Swear to me that you will keep this secret.”

Hjalmar nodded and took the dagger, pricking the tips of his fingers on one hand, and after pushing up his sleeves, he drew on his arm with the blood, drawing binding and silencing runes. Blue and green seidr wrapped around his arm and then over his mouth once he finished the final rune, and then Hjalmar handed the dagger back. “Is that sufficient?” he questioned as Loki cleaned the blade and then disappeared it.

“It will do for now,” Loki acquiesced, and then continued, “Thanos ripped away his seidr. He broke the hirdman bond between us. He _destroyed_ him. He should not have survived, but he did.”

“Why?”

Loki looked away, curled his hands into fists, mouth thinning and turning down. “He said it was because I had not allowed it.”

“Then Thanos did not destroy it as much as you believed.”

Loki frowned at him. “I funneled as much seidr as I could into his body and he was unable to absorb it. Thanos turned him into a sieve. So, to _continue_ , after I repaired his mind, I turned to his body. The Time Stone was not able to change it, so I had to break it. He was more seidr than human before Thanos harmed him, so I endeavoured to do that again. Our bodies are made from seidr; that is what creates life. I found that he could not retain seidr because Thanos had removed the seidr that kept his body together.”

Hjalmar’s jaw dropped.

“Aye,” Loki sighed. “ _That_ was what the Reality Stone could not fix. So I made him a new body. I created an exact replica of the body he had before Thanos stole it from him. I put his mind and his soul into it and destroyed the old one. It took some time for him to get used to it and he lost some weight, but nothing that had Eir as concerned as she had been before. I have...some plans, but I have done all I could. For now.”

Hjalmar nodded. “There is something wrong with it,” he said finally, draining his mug and refilling it. He belched and patted his mouth with his beard. “It’s soul isn’t healed.”

“I’m aware.”

“What plan do you have?”

Loki’s eyes fell to the binding and silencing runes on Hjalmar’s arm, and he silently debated with himself. Finally he shook his head. “I found the answer in Kamar-Taj’s libraries,” he said. Hjalmar frowned at him, so Loki expounded, “They are a group of human witches on Midgard that have tasked themselves with keeping the Time Stone safe. They have succeeded for many hundreds of years. They have studied the Stone and their peculiar seidr and allowed me access to their libraries, where I searched for the solution to this very problem.”

“What did you find?”

“Enough,” Loki told him. “Enough to know that if I do not find another solution, there will be a way to fix him.” His eyes trailed over to the door, to where Clint and Sif were on the other side, discussing Clint’s various friendships.

“I can sense the Soul Stone,” Hjalmar told him. “Whatever you are planning…”

“It is my business and my own,” Loki told him, pushing to his feet. “Unless you have anything else to add, we are finished here. Do not speak of any of this to anyone. Otherwise I will cut out your tongue and feed it back to you.” He pointed to the bag of Thor’s Norn Stones on the shelf. “I’ll be taking those back, as well.”


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A betrothal. Jotunheim. History is learned, and a promise is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no real warnings for this chapter!

Clint tossed the bag of Norn Stones up into the air and caught them again. “Didn’t think he’d give them to ya,” he told Loki. “Must’ve really threatened him good.”

Loki rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. Clint’s grin widened. “Threat? How plebeian.”

_You mind sending these to Stephen? He mentioned something about being able to figure out everything that changed if he had one of the spell anchors._

Loki held out a hand and Clint tossed the bag over. Loki opened it to peek inside, just to make sure they were the Norn Stones that Thor had used, and after confirming they were, he disappeared the bag back to Midgard, having them land wherever Stephen was. He deliberated it for a moment before sending a short seidr note explaining what they were; although it would be funny if Stephen had to figure out what the Stones were, it would be more beneficial if Stephen knew.

_Did he say why those Norn Stones stayed after the spell broke?_

_He was not entirely certain, but he believes it could have been because I was another anchor of the spell and since I did not disappear, neither would they._

Clint made a curious noise at that as they began to make their way back to where the Bifrost dropped them off. _The spell broke, though. And your seidr was returned._

_Was it?_

_Sorry?_

_Thor said he returned it, yes. And I believe he returned some of it. But my increase in power came after his death, albeit incrementally. Perhaps he returned some of it to alieve suspicion and perhaps there was still some remaining before the spell broke. Again, it is unknowable._ Loki shook his head and got them back on track. _Those Norn Stones are already more fickle than others. They react strangely and unpredictably. Perhaps that is why they remained._

_Did you get everything you needed out of telling him all that?_

_Hjalmar, although rude, is one of the greatest masters of soul seidr. He needed to know everything involved to give me information on how to fix you._

_Makes sense. Was he able to help?_

Loki cast him a sharp look. _What do you think?_

Clint grinned back. _Just had to check._

The three of them stopped walking at the drop off site and Loki called for Heimdall. The Bifrost picked them back up again in a deafening woosh of rainbow light and then they were in the Observatory, where Heimdall was waiting for them.

“To Jotunheim, Sire?” the All-Seer asked Loki, who nodded but turned his attention to the vast array of stars beyond. They glimmered in the dark, the Isle of Silence catching his eye.

Loki looked for a long moment at the vast beyond and then gestured to Heimdall. He opened the Bifrost and they were swept away.

Jotunheim was no colder than it had been before, but felt more welcoming to Loki now than in the past. They were greeted by a few Jotnar warriors, as well as Byleistr, who had gone ahead with Volstagg. Loki’s youngest brother grinned at the lot of them and then rushed forward to wrap Loki in a hug, lifting him off his feet.

 _Do you want me to wear a sign that says ‘no hugging allowed’ or something? I could probably get a shirt made,_ Clint commented, grinning at Loki’s immediate unease.

Loki uncomfortably patted his brother on the back and waited to be let down, not responding to Clint other than a mental roll of the eyes. Byleistr finally lowered him to the ground, being gentle about it, and he sniffled, tears welling up in his red eyes. “Where have you been?” Byleistr asked him, bending over so his face was only inches from Loki’s. Loki hid his grimace and took a small step back, smoothing down his clothes. “Both Balder and I were worried sick, Loki!”

“Let me in out of the cold and I will tell you then,” Loki replied pointedly, glancing around to Clint and Sif, neither of whom seemed cold, but once Byleistr looked at them, Clint started shivering and rubbing at his arms. Loki rolled his eyes but put on a pleasant expression when Byleistr straightened up and herded them into the palace.

It wasn’t much warmer inside, but Byleistr led them to a room where Volstagg was, predictably, eating, and there was a fire pit at the end of the room, the smoke being drawn out through a narrow chimney in the ceiling. It was an interesting bit of engineering that had Clint moving over to poke at it; wood was rare on Jotunheim, so it must’ve taken them quite a bit of time to gather so much of it.

Volstagg pushed to his feet, beaming at them. “My Prince!” he greeted jovially, moving around the long table laden with food to give Loki a small bow. “You missed yer friend Carol by only a few days.”

“The Captain was here?” Loki questioned, stepping around the table to sit on the bench next to it, wrapping one of the furs there around his shoulders. He opened a pocket dimension and pulled out a cloak for Clint, setting it aside so the archer could come gather it at his leisure. After glancing over at Sif, who was visibly cold and trying to hide it, he poked through the various adornments he had hidden away and found another cloak for her, handing it over after putting a warming spell on it. She took it with a grateful nod of her head and wrapped it around her shoulders, moving over to stand behind Loki, one hand clasped around her spear.

Volstagg and Byleistr both sat, Volstagg sitting a few feet away from Loki on the bench, wrapping himself in furs, while Byleistr perched on the ice stools on the opposite side of the table, picking through the various foodstuffs on the table, filling his plate. The two Jotnar guards that had followed him in took up their respective posts, one near the door and the other against the wall behind Byleistr.

“Aye,” Volstagg replied, drinking down some ale. “Lass came here a few weeks after the battle with Thanos.” He looked to Byleistr. “Did she help, lad?”

Clint came around the bench and pulled on the cloak, deliberating for a moment before sitting next to Loki and filling his plate for him. He listened as Byleistr laid out what Carol had been helping them with over the past seven months—rebuilding farming land, helping build permanent villages for some of the more nomadic tribes, carving away at the steadily encroaching ice that constantly threatened the palace, along with learning more about Jotnar history and sharing her own history, both that of Midgard as well as her time with the Kree—and hid his yawn. Under the table, Loki patted his leg.

_If you must rest before we retire for the night, do not feel pressured to stay._

_Sir, I don’t want to—_

_It isn’t about what you want. It’s about what I say is best for you._

_Yessir. Whatever you say._

“My understanding of her first actions against Jotunheim were that they were not intentionally cruel,” Sif spoke up, Loki turning in his seat to look at her. She grimaced at herself but continued, “Why would you have her provide recompense when her intention was to provide sanctuary to the Skrulls?”

Byleistr nodded. After glancing at Loki, he waved Sif forward. She frowned slightly but moved closer, standing behind Loki and Clint. Clint turned in his seat to watch the both of them, eyebrows raised. “It was her offering,” Byleistr said, “not a request of the throne. She swore to the King that she would return after the battle with Thanos, and she did. Jotunheim holds our farmers in highest regard—it is a difficult occupation, and often takes those away from home, especially since the Casket of Ancient Winters was taken from us and the snow and ice took over. It has been slow, difficult work to get the ice to retreat, even with the return and use of the Casket.”

Clint glanced at Loki and then spoke up as well, “They made that agreement at the Idavollr. You were there.”

Sif’s brow furrowed as she thought. Finally she shook her head. “Perhaps the memory was removed with the change. I remember the Idavollr but not what was spoken of there.”

“Huh,” Clint muttered. He made up another plate and waved for Sif to sit between him and Volstagg, who was steadily making his way through another massive fish.

“I am glad she was able to assist your realm,” Loki told Byleistr. “What has Jotunheim experienced of the change?”

“Little, I believe,” Byleistr replied. “Mostly trade agreements, from what I understand. Thor’s influence on Jotunheim was little.” His cheeks flushed purple and both Clint’s and Sif’s eyebrows rose. Volstagg chuckled from the end of the table. “I stayed on Asgard with the King. And...and Prince Natigus.”

“I hear your brother is engaged as well,” Loki spoke up, keeping his eyes on his plate. Clint frowned at him. “Was that a product of the change?”

“No,” Byleistr told him. “That happened...hmmm. Around the time I came to Asgard, I think. They knew each other before, and might’ve, well, _dated_ when they were younger, but Helblindi didn’t open the conversation of a formal engagement until recently.”

Loki nodded. Even better he had not taken the Norns’ offer of the new life upon Jotunheim; he could not bear the idea of stealing another’s life. Although, who could say which life had been taken? Was he meant to live on Asgard? Or Jotunheim? Was Helblindi living the life he had been meant or had Loki, in another life, another world, taken what was meant to be Helblindi’s? He sighed to himself. Impossible to know.

“Have ye met the sea witch, Prince?” Volstagg asked around a mouthful of food. Clint grimaced at him and Volstagg swallowed noisily. “He and Prince Helblindi are good for one another.”

“I have not met him,” Loki finally spoke up, swallowing down the unease he felt. He finally looked up from his plate to frown at the concerned look on Byleistr’s face. Really, was family always this much work? How exhausting. “But I look forward to it.”

Byleistr beamed at him. “I am certain he looks forward to meeting you as well, brother! You are well loved on Jotunheim.”

“Oh?” Loki said, stunned. “Surely...surely that cannot be true?”

Byleistr shook his head. “No, brother. Laufey has told our constituents the truth, that you were our long-lost eldest prince, and every action you previously took against this realm has been forgiven.” Loki blinked a few times, remembering weaponizing the Bifrost against Jotunheim, although that hadn’t happened in this new life, and then slowly nodded, uncomfortable with the idea but forcing himself to accept it. Byleistr took in a deep breath, held it, and then slowly let it out before continuing, “Father has all but retired fully from his duties. Helblindi is determined to right the sins of the past. He and Balder agree on this—peace bears more fruit than war. We have little to gain when we constantly fight. My belief is that the rest of the High Seats of the Nine agree, or are at least beginning to agree.”

Loki hummed lightly as he thought. Finally he said, “Good. I am glad to see this new age.”

Byleistr searched his face. “You are the reason it began,” he told Loki, voice soft but strong. “You killed Thor and brought about these new changes. Balder would not be King if not for you—so many things would not be the way they are if not for you. So thank you, Loki, for it all.”

Loki stopped his reflexive grimace. “Of course,” he replied after a long moment. “I am happy to do it.”

 _Liar,_ Clint chuckled. Loki flicked him with a bit of seidr.

“Have you been to a Jotun engagement celebration before, Loki?” Byleistr asked, changing the subject. He picked up the teapot from the middle of the table and poured each of them a cup of fragrant red tea.

“Will there be food?” Volstagg asked.

Byleistr smiled at him. “Yes. Aegir has been busy gathering fish from our seas. It is customary for the betrothed to bring food for the guests.” His red eyes focused on Loki again. “Brother?”

“No, I have not,” Loki replied shortly. “It is my understanding they are rare?”

Byleistr nodded. “We had few reasons to celebrate during Odin’s reign,” he sighed, but he sipped at his calopium tea and it made him smile. “Life on Jotunheim was difficult, to say the least, with the loss of the Casket. The battle against the snow and ice has been endless during all of our history, but we were able to at least keep it at bay once the Casket was made. Even our seas began to freeze over, cutting off our supply to our only food, besides the few ships of farmers we were able to send out to trade with other realms.” He sighed again. “Laufey did the best he could, but we were hobbled, fighting wars on all fronts. But we are better now, with many thanks to you and Balder.”

“I am glad to hear it.” Loki took a sip of the calopium tea, enjoying the warmth it curled in his stomach. “And I am doubly glad to be witness to Jotunheim’s new future.”

Byleistr nodded, shifting uncomfortably, and then after thinking about it, he said, “You would do Jotunheim a great honor if you joined us in your Jotun skin.”

Loki froze. Next to him, Clint’s hands curled into fists. “I will consider it,” Loki finally rasped out. Desperate for an escape, he looked to Volstagg and then the two Jotun guards. “May we be shown to our rooms? I find myself in need of rest before the celebrations tonight.”

Byleistr motioned to one of the guards, who stepped forward. “Of course.” He hesitated before continuing, “Loki, I truly meant no offense. I only wished you to know—”

“No offense taken,” Loki interrupted, pushing to his feet, Clint and Sif copying him. Volstagg watched with wide eyes as he continued to eat. “I will see you tonight, Byleistr. Thank you for the warm welcome to your home.”

One of the guards led them out of the room and down a few halls to a guest room. It was the same one Clint and Loki had stayed in the last time they were upon Jotunheim, and everything was still sized for Jotun, which meant it was twice the size of anything they were used to. The guard brought their attention to a new bell on a table near the door, telling them that they could ring it if any of them needed assistance, and then left them alone.

Loki ignored both of them and locked himself in the bathroom. Clint yawned and grabbed a few of the huge furs, wrapping them around himself as he got into bed, quickly falling asleep. Sif watched him sleep for a while and then left the quarters, going back to talk with Volstagg.

Loki sat in the massive bathtub for nearly an hour before forcing himself out of it. He knew he still had some defensiveness and insecurities around his Jotun form, but he thought about what Byleistr had asked of him. He had already shown his true skin to Laufey, Helblindi, and Byleistr, as well as Balder, so what harm would come from showing others in Jotunheim? They would not mock him, would not think less of him. He would surely even be more welcomed by the frost giants if he showed that he was not ashamed of his history as being one of them, and it would do good for the relationship between the two realms.

He dried his skin with a towel and then found himself looking into a mirror. Slowly, and with great fear, he found the seams of the permanent glamour that changed him to Aesir and cut at the stitches, pulling them away until the seidr fell to the floor. He could not see himself as anything other than a monster, blue-skinned and red-eyed and sharp teeth and sharp black nails. It made his stomach turn to see himself as such.

There was a small flash of green light and Clint was standing next to him, yawning, wrapped in a huge white fur. _Your angst woke me up,_ he mumbled, sitting down on a vanity bench and blinking tiredly up at Loki. _Y’know, everyone thinks you’re pretty like that except you. Laufey called you a jewel, remember?_

_I feel...other. Like I am less._

_Blaming your insecurities on your upbringing?_ Clint yawned again. _Don’t you find that boring?_

_Ugh. Fine._

_Maybe work on it. Pretty sure one way to do that would be to go as your true form to an environment that you know would be completely accepting. Hell, isn’t there something tonight? Some kind of party? Maybe try that._

_You’re incorrigible._

_Fucking tired is what I am._ Clint poked his head out from underneath the fur, narrowed his eyes at him. _Wonder why you have hair in this form. None of the others have hair. Want me to wash it for you?_

Desperate to feel comfortable in his skin and wanting some return to normalcy, Loki nodded, gathering up the seidr of his Aesir form and conjuring up a box to keep it in. He locked the box and tucked it away into a pocket dimension before turning back to the bath. He hesitated and then drained the tub, refilling it with cold water. He was surprised that the cold water felt warm when he sunk beneath it. Clint managed to pull enough seidr together to wrap his hands to keep them from getting too cold, and he perched on the edge of the tub, waiting for Loki to resurface.

 _This form feels more comfortable in the water,_ Loki noted as he surfaced next to Clint. He leaned his head against Clint’s leg and let his eyes slide shut. _Perhaps we will go for a swim later._

_You can go for a swim. I’ll stay on the shore. Don’t need you pulling me under and drowning me in front of everyone._

Loki chuckled. _I could drown you and then bring you back to life in front of everyone. Everyone would see me as the hero._

_You’ve never been heroic in your life. Don’t see any reason to start now._

Loki’s black lips curled up into a smile. _Wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea._

 _You only like people having the wrong idea._ Clint broke a crystal and rubbed the suds into Loki’s hair, massaging his scalp. Something eased in Clint’s chest at the familiar action, the way Loki pushed into his hands, the way he felt at home when he was in service. _You’re going to have to tell me sooner or later what your problem is with Aegir._

Loki forced himself not to tense up. _Whatever do you mean?_

 _Hey now,_ Clint admonished. _Not with me. You don’t get to do that with me. I know it’s something to do with the Norns._

Loki steeled himself. For a moment, he thought about Steve, what his husband would want him to do, and he froze for a moment, terror and sorrow building up in his chest. But Clint’s hands in his hair stayed calm and comforting, so he pulled himself away from the abyss, and finally said, _When I went through the door that showed me a new life in Jotunheim, where I had not been taken as a babe, I was the crown prince. And I was engaged to Aegir._

 _Huh._ Clint dunked his head under the water to rinse the suds out of his hair. Loki thrashed for a moment before stopping himself. Clint pulled him back out of the water and broke another crystal to spread conditioner over Loki’s long black hair. _What else?_

 _I stole Gungnir from Odin as well, in a bid to have him return the Casket,_ Loki admitted. Clint laughed. 

_Did it work?_

_Unsure. I left before I could learn. But I...I saw that Loki, and how could I take his life from him? How could I fit into a world where I knew nothing? If I chose any of the doors, the Norns would have me replace the Loki that already lived there. I would be this Loki in that form. I would know all from this life, as well as everything that Loki knew. How could I replace another Loki? How could I pretend to be someone I am not?_

_You do that every day,_ Clint reminded him. _But yeah, I get you. I...thank you for staying. I know it wouldn’t have mattered, that the timeline would’ve ended, but I...I can’t imagine being Clint-without-Loki. Any version of me would’ve missed you._

_I appreciate the sentiment—_

_You’ve never appreciated anyone’s sentiment ever in your life._

_Hush,_ Loki chuckled. _You know I appreciate you._ Clint flushed. Sheesh. _But I would not have existed in your life if I had chosen that door. Why would I ever go to Midgard? A Jotun would have no recourse to journey there. I believe Laufey attempted it once, in search of more farmland, but Odin found issue with that, to say the least. You would live an entire life without even knowing Loki exists._

Clint let out a breath, hands tightening in Loki’s hair. One red eye peeked open to look up at him. _I know you’re the worst and all, and you enjoy making my life miserable, but Norns...I can’t imagine a worse life. I lived without you for six months...an entire life like that?_ He shook his head. _Especially as a kid...that would have killed me._

Loki slid under the water, Clint gently cleaning his hair of excess conditioner. _I know,_ he said finally, simply. _The Norns also showed me a life where I came to Asgard under Thanos’s rule and turned against him. You were never mine. You did not know me, Steve did not know me...I could not imagine a life such as that. If you ever feel lost, know that I fought fate itself to return to you._

Clint nodded, getting up to get a towel for Loki’s hair. Loki stayed under the water for a few more minutes, enjoying it. When he finally surfaced, Clint shed the fur keeping himself warm to pat Loki dry. He wrapped Loki’s hair in a towel and then herded him to the vanity, poking curiously at the various lotions already set up.

 _This looks like it’s specifically formulated for Jotun skin,_ Clint murmured, opening one of the vials and smelling it. _Wanna try it?_

 _Why not,_ Loki muttered, opening a pocket dimension to pull out his preferred hair oils. He set them on the vanity and watched Clint apply the lotion to his blue skin. _It does not frighten you. This form._

 _Nah,_ Clint told him, warming the lotion in between his palms before spreading it out over Loki’s legs. It had some ingredient that warmed as it spread across Loki’s skin, and it clearly didn’t bother Loki, who grew a bit calmer as it was applied. _I know all your worries and fears about this form. I know all the lives where you were taught to hate yourself. You could look like anything and it wouldn’t scare me._

I fear this is the most monstrous I could ever look.

Didn’t Steve fuck you like that?

Loki’s mouth thinned at the mention of his wayward husband. Steve would fuck anything, he replied dismissively.

Clint snorted, lifting one of Loki’s legs to lotion up behind his knee. Hasn’t fucked me, he pointed out. Not that I want him to, but he hasn’t. So, y’know, point proven wrong. He poked Loki to his feet to lotion up his torso. Didn’t he make you feel beautiful?

Loki’s face colored purple. Shut up, he muttered. What did you and Stephen talk about?

He didn’t fuck me, if that’s what you’re asking. I even offered, too. I forget other people care about consent.

Ugh, Steve is such a stickler for it. As a habit, Loki reached out mentally for his husband, but was met with an eternity of sickening blackness. He flinched away from it and shook his head. Clint gave him a consoling pat on the leg. Is it a human thing?

I think it’s just a them thing. Especially Steve. He knows what you went through and doesn’t want you to think of him like that.

Like Thor?

Who else?

Loki sighed. Fine. No way to know now, anyway. Clint finished lotioning him up and Loki sat back down again, tugging the towel off his head. He picked up a brush and began to brush through Loki’s damp hair. Loki watched him in the mirror for a few minutes before his eyes began to flutter shut, contentment swimming between the two of them.

Clint lost himself in brushing Loki’s hair and when Sif opened the bathroom door a long but indeterminable amount of time later, it surprised both of them. She raised an eyebrow at Loki’s Jotun form but didn’t comment on it.

“Prince Byleistr is requesting your presence,” she told Loki, who blinked up at her and then nodded. “He is waiting outside the rooms.”

“Tell him I will join him momentarily,” Loki told her, catching sight of himself in the mirror and grimacing. He shook his head and tugged away from Clint, following Sif out of the bathroom. Clint washed his hands and rewrapped himself in his discarded fur and then followed them. He normally got Loki’s clothes out for him but found himself unsure what a Jotun Prince visiting from another realm would wear. Loki ended up doing it himself, which made Clint feel a little bad about himself, but he pushed it away.

Sif ignored Loki’s nakedness, grabbing Clint’s hearing aids for him, as well as a change of clothes so he would be more appropriately dressed for the evening. She had already changed into golden ceremonial armor, with a short red cape and a fur collar. Clint dressed in a warm purple tunic and black leather pants with fur on the inside, as well as insulated leather boots. He also pulled on a heavy black cloak that wrapped around his torso to keep him warm but to keep his arms free in case he needed to use his bow, which he slung across his back, along with his quiver. The golden snake was around his neck, as always. He didn’t think it could be removed anymore, at least not by his hands. The ruby-hilted dagger found its home on his belt, and Sif crammed a fur hat on his head, laughing at his disgruntled expression.

Loki, on the other hand, picked up the ceremonial outfit that had been laid out for him. It was similar to a skirt, or perhaps a loincloth—there was a black wrap that went around his hips, he assumed like the linens he was used to, and then there were a couple other pieces that went both in front of his groin and then behind his butt. They were in his traditional colors of black, green, and gold, which made him a little more comfortable, but he was not one to wear so little clothing.

He sighed, shook his head at himself. He kept seeing flashes of his own skin in his periphery and was continually startled by the blue. He missed his Aesir skin. Clint helped him figure out the wrap and how to properly put it on, and then they both frowned at the decorative skirt. Or loincloth? It was definitely something. Other Jotnar wore loincloths, so it was assumed that he would wear one as well.

 _Which way goes in the front?_ Clint asked, holding it up. _I think the longer part goes in back?_

Loki shrugged one shoulder. _Do either of us know anything about Jotun attire?_

_I mean, I definitely should...I just don’t. I don’t know why._

_I must have removed it,_ Loki sighed. _Or it was lost to you after I fixed you._ He finally unclasped one side of the skirt and slid it around his waist, settling it until it sat comfortably. He had seen Jotnar wear armor as well, individual pieces that were strapped to the skin, but there weren’t any laid out for him, so he assumed it was for battle only. Uncomfortable with the small amount of clothing he wore, he pulled out his jewelry box from the ether and decided upon the leaf jewelry Steve had given him, sliding on the rings and the necklace and the earrings and the bracelet. The silver and uru, interlaid with diamonds and other various gems, complemented his blue skin perfectly. Clint whistled at him and Loki rolled his eyes at him.

“Anything else?” Sif asked, looking between them. When Clint shook his head, she picked up her spear and opened the door, revealing Byleistr waiting, along with Prince Natigus from Musphelheim. Both of them caught sight of Loki and their jaws dropped simultaneously, Natigus letting out a jet of flame.

“Loki-Prince!” Byleistr finally squawked. “You are...very beautiful.” He looked between them and Loki strode out of the guest quarters, trying to put on an air of confidence. “I have come to ask if you wish to watch the sunset with me.”

“Of course,” Loki told him. He glanced at Natigus, who bowed to him, and then asked, “I am...unsure about this attire. Was it put on correctly?”

“You can wear whatever you want,” Byleistr promised him, but he bent over to peer closely at Loki’s skirt and the black wrap underneath. He smiled. “Yes! You seemed to have put it on correctly. We commonly wear fur mantles, if that would make you more comfortable. But you look...it is lovely to see this form, brother.”

Loki gave Byleistr an uncomfortable nod and stepped back from him. Byleistr smiled at him and straightened up, leading them through the palace and outside.

“You have been on Jotunheim these last few months?” Loki asked Natigus as they trudged through the snow to a nearby hill. Loki pointedly did not look around to see if he could still find the place where Thor had once killed him.

Natigus shook his massive head, melting the snow and ice as he walked. “No, Sire,” he replied. “Prince Steve sent me to Muspelheim after the battle, as I had been gravely injured.” He cleared his throat, releasing a few plumes of smoke. “Our healers believe the only reason I survived was due to the potion you gave me.”

Loki nodded. “I am glad to hear it,” he told the fire giant, gesturing to the visible scar that crossed over one arm and down his torso. One of his long red horns had also been broken off halfway down. His skin was made out of molten rocks and lava, and was generally differing degrees of red, orange, and black, except for the long scar, which was white. When Natigus lifted his scarred arm, it was clear he had reduced motion, and the scar tissue had seemingly affected his range of motion in his torso as well. “This is the injury you speak of?”

“Aye,” Natigus said. “Just about killed me.”

Byleistr made a distressed sound and everyone turned to look at him. His cheeks flushed purple. “Just don’t like thinking about it,” he told them, his voice strangely high-pitched, and then they all stopped at the crest of the hill. Byleistr gestured to the silver sun just about to set against the far-away horizon, casting long rays of light against the snow and ice.

Loki watched as his brother cast a small spell on himself and then leaned against Natigus’s side, the fire giant wrapping a long arm around his shoulders. Sif and Clint stepped up on either side of Loki, and as Loki watched the sun set on Jotunheim, he missed Steve so fiercely that he felt sick to his stomach.

It truly was one of the most beautiful sunsets he had ever seen.

* * *

Aegir was kind. He was tall, as were all Jotun, and his horns were long and curled. When he and Helblindi hugged, he rubbed his cheek against the side of Helblindi’s head. He was gentle and genuine and seemed a good match for Helblindi, as well as a good match to share the throne.

Loki had crafted the intradimensional space for them and tied it to a dark blue sapphire. He showed them both how to open it, as well as how to close it behind them so no one could join them, as well as how to control the seascape within. He wished them well and Helblindi swept him up in a hug, holding him tight, and when he released him, Helblindi pressed a kiss to Loki’s cheek.

Loki glowered at him but graciously accepted the thanks. “I know it can be...difficult to balance life between personal and politics. Having somewhere to escape can only help.”

Helblindi smiled at him. “Have you found your husband yet?” he asked, tucking one arm into Aegir’s as the sea seidrmadr examined the sea sapphire. 

Loki shook his head. “No,” he sighed. “He is still lost to me. But we will be journeying to the stars in search of him.”

Helblindi gave Loki a reassuring smile. “If anyone can find someone out there in the vast unknown, it is you. He must be looking for you the same as you are him.”

Loki frowned at him as someone called Helblindi and Aegir away from him. He brought his chalice up to his mouth to drink from it, but found it empty. A moment later, Clint handed him a new one, taking the old chalice away and giving it to a passing servant. Loki drank deeply and let Clint lead him away to a buffet table, where Clint got him a plate and then took him over to the table where their assigned seats were. They were at the highest seat of honor, besides the table where Jotunheim’s royalty sat, so Loki hadn’t been too affronted.

Loki sat, Clint sitting at his right hand, and he picked at his food while Clint watched him.

_Could Steve really be looking for me?_

Clint sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. _No way to know, right? No one knew what happened to you after Thanos. You disappeared. I couldn’t talk and almost all of our bonds had been shattered, so...I don’t even know if he asked me. I can’t remember. But I had no clue where you were. Even Heimdall couldn’t find you. So, yeah, maybe he did go lookin’ for ya._

 _Where would he go?_ Loki asked, eating a few bites of cold raw fish. He had always enjoyed fish more than the average Aesir, but it tasted even better in this skin. He quickly cleared the rest of his plate. _What does Steve know of the universe?_

Clint shadowed behind Loki as he got up to refill his plate. Loki filled up a couple plates and handed them back to Clint before they went back to the table. Clint picked at the fish and Loki opened a pocket dimension to pull out his refeeding potion. Clint grimaced at the vial but drank it all down. Finally he replied, _I think all Steve knows of the universe is that you’re not in it, and he’d probably go anywhere to find you._

 _Then why not come home?_ Loki asked desperately. _Why can Heimdall not find him?_

_Why would he return to Asgard when all it does is remind you of him? Loki, you disappeared. Vanished completely. For all Steve knew, you saw Thanos was dead and wanted nothing more to do with any of us. Or maybe the spell broke differently for you and you went mad. It’s not possible to know why he left until we find him, and I damn well intend to find him._

Loki nodded. _As do I,_ he said. _I believe we can truly begin our search in the morn._

_Might want to hold off on that for a day. Byleistr wants to show you around Jotunheim._

_Ah, yes. Suppose there’s no harm in indulging him._

_He’s going to be around a long time, by the looks of it. And he’s your brother. Indulging never hurts with family._

Loki nodded, finishing the fish on the first plate. _How peculiar,_ he mused, _to be thinking in such a manner._ He glanced at Clint. _I hear Barney is still upon Asgard._

 _Yeah,_ Clint sighed. _I didn’t go see him or anything. Maybe after we find Steve I’ll talk to him. But I just...didn’t know what to say, especially after you removed my memories. What, say hi to a brother I didn’t even remember?_

Loki shrugged one shoulder, taking a long sip of wine before pulling over the other plate. _Jacques Duquense is still dead,_ he told Clint. _I went to see him before I found the Vision. He died in this life from lung cancer a few years back. Nothing remarkable about his death._

 _It was one of the first things I asked Heimdall,_ Clint told him. _Wilson came to see us at the house and asked Heimdall for me. Had half a mind to go hunt Jacques down and kill him myself if he was still alive._

 _You could barely walk, let alone kill a grown man,_ Loki pointed out. Clint mentally scoffed at him.

A shadow loomed over them and Loki turned in his seat, looking up Laufey’s long form, meeting his old blood red eyes.

“King,” Loki greeted, pushing to his feet, Clint shadowing him. “Will you join us?”

Laufey motioned towards the head table at the top of the room, raised on a small dias. “Will you join me?” he asked in return. Loki’s eyes went wide and he nodded, following behind Laufey up to the head table. Laufey sighed deeply as he settled into the ornately engraved chair in the middle of the table, motioning Loki to sit at his right hand. Clint hovered behind him before Laufey gestured for him to sit as well. Servants bustled forward to fill their cups and plates. Laufey pulled off his crown and rubbed one massive hand over the place on his head where his horns erupted from his skull.

“When they get as large as this, they tend to ache,” Laufey explained, sounding exhausted. His eyes traced along the room, taking in the engagement celebration, the clear joy on his sons’ faces. “This would have been yours, Loki.”

Loki nodded, looking down at the fresh fish on his plate. He suddenly wasn’t as hungry as he’d been before. But he was thirsty—he took a few gulps of the sweet red wine to bolster some courage. He patted his mouth dry before saying, “Yes. It would have been an honor, I’m sure.”

Laufey nodded his great head. He poked at the food on his plate and then pushed it away. Loki frowned up at him; Laufey was looking thin, far thinner than he had the last time Loki had seen him. “Helblindi will be named King soon,” he told Loki, not looking at him. “It is long past time for my crown to be passed on.” His crown was black metal in the shape of leaves; Loki touched the necklace around his neck, thinking about symbolism and inherited memories and things being passed on. “I have already informed Balder.” The King let out a world-weary sigh. “He is supportive.”

Loki nodded. “He will be a good King,” he replied, following Laufey’s gaze across the room to where Helblindi and Aegir were talking to a Jotun that Loki did not recognize. “He will lead Jotunheim to her new age.”

Laufey let out a long sigh. “I will be glad to see it,” he said. Then his old blood-red eyes moved to pin Loki to his seat. “You remind me of Farbauti. I called her my Jewel. She was…” he trailed off for a moment, gaze going unfocused, and then he shook himself back to the present. “She was the most beautiful Jotun I have ever seen.” He reached out one massive hand, gently ran the tip of one huge finger over the heritage marks on Loki’s forehead. Loki shivered under his touch but forced himself not to pull away from it. “All I can hope for my children is that their loved one thinks the same of them.” His hand fell away from Loki’s face, briefly touched over his narrow shoulders, and then pulled back completely. Those eyes bored into him. “I doubt I will live much longer, Loki. But before I do, I wish to know all three of my children.”

Loki swallowed noisily, nodding to himself. “I will return once I have found my husband,” he promised, Clint shooting him a significant look.

Laufey smiled at him, long sharp teeth catching the light. “I look forward to it. I may not have been the best father to the sons I had left, but I did my best.”

“I cannot imagine you could have done any worse than Odin,” Loki commented idly. Clint snorted.

Laufey paused for a moment and then tipped his head back and laughed. “No!” he exclaimed, “I do believe you’re right! I did a sight better than old One-eye. Outlived the bastard as well.” He chuckled to himself and sipped from his chalice of wine.

Loki raised his glass to that and drank deeply.

They spoke late into the night, of nothing of great consequence, and Loki found himself enjoying it. He even forgot at times to be uncomfortable in his own skin.

In the morning, Byleistr woke them up before the sun, and as they watched it rise over Jotunheim, bathing the realm in silver light, Loki found that Byleistr had not lied when he told him the beauty of the sunrise would bring him to tears.


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two new planets, one familiar Realm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no real warnings for this one yet

They left Jotunheim two days later. Loki learned a great deal about his own lost history, as well as the history of a race he had been taught to hate, and unlearned a few of his own prejudices that he had not even been aware of. He found that he and Laufey got along better than he realized was possible, and Loki even managed to put his own possible history with Aegir out of his mind, learning about the various seas and aquatic animals of Jotunheim.

He found he did not wish to leave, and swore he would return, even if only to see Laufey once before he passed. Both of his brothers hugged him before they left, and Laufey patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. Natigus asked to be kept updated as to Steve’s location and health, and Clint told him that he’d have Heimdall pass on anything they found out.

Volstagg had last heard of Steve—or the Power Stone—far off in the galaxy, beyond even Heimdall’s reach. Loki pulled out the Tesseract and gestured everyone forward, and once they were close enough, he activated the Tesseract. The four of them reappeared on a bustling planet in the middle of what looked to be a town square. Loki looked around, eyebrows raised, and tucked the Cube away.

The world they had landed upon was busy, although strangely quiet. It was inhabited by reptilian creatures of some unfamiliar manner, with all sorts of various colors of their scales, ranging from bright primary colors to muted greys and greens and browns. Some of them walked upright on two or four legs, and then some were quadrupeds, walking on four or more legs. Two large black eyes on the sides of their heads seemed to be most common, although they saw some creatures with two smaller eyes in front of the two larger ones. Their snouts were long and pointed, similar to crocodiles on Midgard, although they had no visible teeth. They wore unique one-piece suits with bits of embossing or embroidery, and although they wore no shoes, the pads of their feet seemed to be heavily calloused and naturally padded.

There was no way to know the size of the planet, but the sky was darkening and there were two visible moons. The city was built primarily out of rocks and mud, the various buildings around them generally no higher than one squat story high, and there was electricity as there were lights on in the various shops they passed. None of the inhabitants of the planet seemed particularly bothered by the four of them being present, and merely stayed out of their way as they walked down a street.

Clint noticed that there were no cars, nor any type of high-capacity vehicles, such as buses or trains. There also didn’t seem to be bicycles or some alien type of bicycle. Maybe they just walked everywhere? If the planet was smaller than somewhere like Midgard, they might not even need cars, or alien cars. Or maybe they had sky cars. He glanced up at the darkening sky but didn’t see anything that might be a car.

Volstagg let them look around for a couple minutes and then led them down the street and between two squat buildings. Clint and Loki both glanced in one of the windows—it looked to be made of something similar to glass—and saw a few of the inhabitants sitting on large cushions around something that looked similar to a TV.

“Does this realm have a name?” Sif asked from behind them. She was looking around just as curiously; she had been to many realms and planets in her life and had always enjoyed learning about new cultures and new people. She enjoyed fighting them more, but she had always liked exploring new places and learning about them. 

“Not a realm!” Volstagg called back. “A planet. They call it Volcrab 4.”

“What happened to the other three?” Sif questioned idly, glancing at a few of the inhabitants as they strode past.

“Why aren’t any of them talking?” Clint suddenly spoke up. “Thought my damn aids were on the fritz.”

Volstagg chuckled, pausing at an intersection to look around and reorient himself. There were no street names or many identifying characteristics on the outside of the buildings, but there were uniquely colored stones on every corner building, and it was difficult to orient himself when he hadn’t been there in a few months. “They speak at a different frequency than us, lad,” Volstagg told him. “Ye might not be even able to hear it at all.”

Loki frowned, cocked his head to the side. He looked at the various inhabitants of the planet and watched as a few of them stopped off to the side of the thoroughfare, very clearly speaking to one another, mouths moving, but he was unable to hear it. He frowned and twirled a bit of seidr into his ear.

“Ah!” Loki exclaimed quietly as the spell took hold. “They are a very noisy bunch.”

Volstagg chuckled. “Aye, they certainly can be.” He looked around again, scratched at his beard. “They’ll give ye a necklace with a spell on it that lets ye hear them if y’ask. Allspeak doesn’t work when they can’t even hear what it is yer sayin’.”

“How did you communicate when you were last here?” Loki questioned, dissipating the spell with a grimace. The Allspeak was nearly infallible, but it didn’t work on spells.

“Gesturing,” Volstagg replied. “And some writing. The Allspeak can decipher writing.” He tugged at his beard and then chose a direction, fairly certain it was correct. They wound between a large gathering of the native inhabitants, grouped together in the middle of the thoroughfare, and continued on, looking around at the small shops and various buildings. Everything was peculiar and unique; even the rocks and mud were strange. Sif found a few small pieces of rock and tucked them away in the bag of holding on her belt.

The building that Volstagg was looking for was two streets over. It looked no different than any other building they had passed, other than the red window out front, and Volstagg thumped his meaty fist against the door before pushing it open. Clint ducked in behind him, and then Loki, with Sif bringing up the rear.

There was a lone native of the planet in the small house. They were curled up on a raised cushion near a box that resembled a TV, and looked up when the four of them entered the house. They raised one peculiar looking scaled hand and got up, standing on four legs and pattering around the house. They moved over to Volstagg and gave him a wave with one of their two arms and then picked up something that Loki assumed was paper and a peculiar looking pen and scratched out something.

They held up the paper and Volstagg smiled at them. He motioned them closer and they handed over the paper, although not the pen. Volstagg had a quill tucked away in his tunic pockets and he pulled it out to scrawl out a welcome and a question about the use of the peculiar purple seidr the Coseanic had seen.

They nodded quickly after reading what Volstagg wrote and suddenly seemed to notice the others, jumping slightly in surprise. Their black eyes darted between them and then focused on Loki, padding closer to him. Clint kept his hand on the ruby-hilted dagger but stepped back. He knew little about various alien creatures—he had once known a great deal, but having his memory rebuilt erased that—and was unsure of how to read the creature, but trusted his instincts.

The Coseanic reached out one hand and rested it on Loki’s chest. Clint bared his teeth, Sif’s hands tightening around her spear, but Volstagg warned them off in a low voice. The Coseanic’s short, scaled fingers spread out, claws digging into his armor, and then black ink began to seep out from between their scales. Clint snarled and made to move forward to stop them, but Volstagg dropped one heavy hand on his shoulder and stopped him.

Loki’s green eyes stared at the Coseanic before him. They were shorter than him, perhaps by a foot, and broader, and colored an interesting swirl of grey and dull green. Their eyes were wide, set on either side of their head, and they tipped their head either direction every few seconds, as if seeing him with one eye at a time. He realized after a minute that there seemed to be a blind spot right in front of them, right where he was standing.

Loki and the Coseanic continued to look at one another for a few minutes longer until the Coseanic stepped back, dropping their hand and leaving behind a black ink imprint on his armor. Loki raised his eyebrows at it and when he brought up a hand to touch it, his fingertips came away black. He rubbed his fingertips against his thumb and then lifted his hand to smell it. It was nearly scentless except for a mild sweetness. Volstagg finally dropped his hand from Clint’s shoulder and he rushed forward, pointedly moving between the Coseanic and Loki.

“They mean no harm,” Loki murmured. _A peculiar race. They have a peculiar social structure that I must admit to not understanding, but they saw Steve._

The Coseanic stepped back and seemed to deliberate their actions before moving back to Volstagg and taking the paper from him. They moved over to a short table that seemed to be carved out of stone and bent over it to write.

 _When did they see him?_ Clint questioned, conjuring up a rag to clean Loki’s armor. _Surprised you let them touch you._

Loki chuckled into his mind. _No more surprised than I am that you let them._

Clint raised an eyebrow at him and finished cleaning off the ink. He made to disappear the rag but found that he couldn’t, suddenly swaying on his feet, and Loki tutted at him and pushed him towards Sif. “Take him outside,” he told her. “Give him something to eat and have him sit.”

Sif grabbed Clint’s arm and dragged him out through the door. “You need to stop being so careless,” she told him, pulling out some dried jerky and water from the bag on her belt. “And you especially need to stop pushing yourself.”

Clint leaned back against the side of the building and then slowly slid down, rubbing at his aching, tired eyes. He took the jerky and water and slowly chewed on the meat, taking few sips of water. “You’re not wrong,” he sighed, “but what choice do I have?”

“Either you stop putting on the front that you’re fine and tell him you need to slow down, or you collapse and Loki sends you back to Asgard, and he finishes this without you. Balder will put you under lock and key in the healing wing and you’ll get better whether you like it or not.”

Clint groaned at the thought. He knew she wasn’t lying—Balder had as much threatened before they’d left. He’d be stuck under Lady Eir’s care until Loki returned, and probably not able to talk to anyone other than her and Balder, whenever he came to visit. “I know,” he muttered, grimacing to himself as he finished the jerky. “I just…” _can’t handle disappointing him_ was the end of that sentence, but he couldn’t bear to acknowledge that.

Sif gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. “Finish your water,” she told him.

“People really need to stop touching me,” Clint muttered to himself, draining the rest of the water and sighing as he turned his attention back to the various native inhabitants milling about.

Inside the building, the Coseanic finished writing and straightened up, handing the paper back to Volstagg, who read it over and then sighed, turning to give it to Loki. “The same as they told me last time,” Volstagg told him.

Loki took the paper and looked down at it, the words swimming in front of his eyes for a moment before refocusing into Aesir script.

**15 sun cycles ago, a bipedal flesh-scale came. Like you. But with no fur-scales on his face. He wore a long red cape and looked very sick. He seemed...lost, as if in search of something. We tried to help him but could not. You call it seidr, we call it _kyngi_ , and his was purple. The color of suns at nighttime, or flowers. It never left his arm, wrapped around it like cloth. His flesh was purple on that hand, same as the magic he used.**

“How long ago was 15 sun cycles?” Loki questioned.

“A month is five sun cycles,” Volstagg replied.

Loki sighed. “Three months,” he murmured, staring down at the paper. It felt similar to leather, thicker than paper he was used to. “A great deal can happen in three months.” He continued to read.

**We fed him, although our food sickened him further. He stayed for one cycle and then disappeared in the night. But the kyngi he used was something our peoples have never seen before. We wished to study it but he refused.**

Loki finished reading and glanced to the back of the paper to see there was nothing written. He then conjured up a pen and wrote a short thanks at the bottom of the page before handing it back. He gave the Coseanic a small bow and excused himself out of the small house.

Volstagg and the Coseanic exchanged a few more writings before Volstagg followed suit, stepping out of the house to find Sif and Clint waiting for him, Loki nowhere in sight.

“Where’d the lad go?” Volstagg asked them, thinking about dinner and ale.

“Went for a walk,” Clint replied grumpily, pushing to his feet from where he’d been leaning back against the stone building. “Wouldn’t let me go with.”

Volstagg chuckled. “He’ll find ye when he needs ye.” He looked around the street and the various buildings and smiled. “Let us eat! I know just the place.”

Sif laughed at him and the two of them followed behind the hefty Aesir as he made his way down the streets. “You could be the lone inhabitant of a realm and still find your way to a feast.”

“It’s happened more than once, Lady Sif!” Volstagg told her with a deep laugh. “My nose never leads me astray.”

“More like your belly.”

They came upon an intersection, Sif and Volstagg trading companionable barbs, and they turned right down a thoroughfare. Clint made to follow them, but something seemed to grab at his heart and yank him left. “I’ll catch up!” Clint called after Sif, who turned around to follow him, but Clint waved her off, ducking between the inhabitants of the planet as he followed the hook in his heart.

He found Loki a few streets over, the street empty around him, pacing up and down in long, angry strides. Clint sighed at him, watched him go up and down a few times, and then asked, _What are you doin’, boss?_

Loki’s pacing didn’t stop. _Steve has been missing for seven months. Three months ago, he came here. I can feel the_ stink _of the Power Stone on this realm._

 _Planet,_ Clint offered up, not moving fast enough to dodge the zing of seidr Loki carelessly shot his way. He chuckled to himself and leaned against a nearby building, crossing his arms over his chest. He hid his yawn and waited to be needed.

_How did he find his way here? Where did he go next? The Coseanic—mind you, I don’t know if that is the creature’s name or the name of the race! And I doubt Volstagg cared to learn!—gave no clues to Steve’s next whereabouts. All else we know is that he stopped by Asgard before he vanished. What kind of impossible task have I given myself—_

_Is he closer?_ Clint interrupted. _You’re still bound to him. You can’t use the bond to find him, but you can see how close you are._

Loki stopped in the middle of the street, brow furrowing. He glanced around and after being reassured the street was still empty, closed his eyes, sinking down deep within himself to find the spot where Steve’s soul still clung to his. There was no mental connection between himself and his husband, and there was only an awful, deep darkness when he reached out, but…

_He is still far away, but the space between us is lessened._

Clint nodded. _I don’t think some sort of hot-cold game would work to track him down, but I think it can help us get back on the right track._ He yawned again and rubbed a hand tiredly over his eyes. When he looked back up, Loki was standing in front of him, glittering green eyes boring into him. Clint gave him a weak, tired smile. _If I know Steve, he’s reaching out to you too._

Loki brought up a hand, brushed his fingers over the golden snake around Clint’s neck. _You don’t know him,_ Loki murmured, but he sounded amused. _You only know me._ His hand cupped Clint’s jaw and he leaned heavily into his grasp.

 _I know enough,_ Clint sighed. _I know what you know, and what you know tells me that he’s searching for you the same as you’re searching for him._

_You believe that’s why he left?_

_I think he left because of something else. But his reason for staying away? I think that’s you._

_In what world would Steve Rogers stay away from those who need him because of me?_

Clint sighed. _We don’t know what changed with him, right? From what I can tell, nothing intrinsic about anyone was altered. Just things that happened to them. So what could change about Steve?_

Loki tipped forward, wrapping his long arms around Clint’s shoulders, tucked his chin over the top of Clint’s head. Clint sunk into him with relief, let Loki hold him up. _We know he still has the Power Stone. I do not have Mjolnir, so he must. I have thought to summon it, but he is lost in space. He needs it far more than I._

_What would you even need it for?_

Loki shrugged one shoulder. He nestled his cheek against Clint’s hair, leaned the two of them against the side of the stone building as he tightened his arms around Clint. Clint twisted his fingers in Loki’s tunic and held on for dear life. _I do not. But I have considered summoning it and following the direction it came from. Some manner of calculation could feasibly be done to estimate where Steve was wielding it._

Clint mentally rolled his eyes. _Do you know this_ ‘manner of calculation’ _?_

_Well, no. But I’m sure there’s something._

He smiled to himself. _Sure, boss. I’m sure you can calculate Mjolnir’s trajectory and speed and just narrow down to right where Steve is. I’m sure you can do all of that and Steve will just be right there waiting for you to come find him. I’m sure that when you do that, you’ll do everything right and not make a single mistake and also that you’ll know what you’re doing._

Loki pulled back and Clint blinked tiredly up at him. A fond smile creased Loki’s mouth as he searched Clint’s drawn face. _You are truly incorrigible,_ Loki murmured. _What lack of faith you have in your master._

_You’re right. I should be endlessly supportive no matter what ridiculous ideas you come up with. That’s definitely what you want from me._

Loki smiled at him. _You delight me,_ he murmured.

 _Yeah, yeah. I know._ He looked away from Loki and back to the empty street. _Come on, let’s go eat. You’re hungry._

They walked together, weaving through the planet’s inhabitants, following the path Sif and Volstagg had taken to what looked like a pub. Clint ducked through the door first, Loki on his heels, finding Sif and Volstagg clinking heavy cups and then gulping down the contents. They finished at the same time and slammed their cups on the table and laughed at each other. Clint shook his head at the both of them, following Loki over to the table.

“I suppose one night of merriment is due,” Loki commented as he sat down. Sif beamed at him and pushed a full cup over in front of him. Loki picked it up and sniffed at the contents. “Mun-gat?”

“No,” Volstagg belched. Sif laughed at him. “No, Sire. It is a potent brew from the kind and benevolent Doceanium behind the bar.” He gestured wildly to the other inhabitants of the pub, all of the eerily silent natives who were all speaking with one another and ignoring their antics. Loki raised an eyebrow at the warrior. “Drink with us, lad!”

“I will if you stop calling me _lad_ ,” Loki replied, wrinkling his nose with distaste yet picking up the cup. It was large and a bit peculiarly shaped, designed for the scaly, short fingers of the Volcrab 4 inhabitants. He took a sip and his eyes flew wide in surprise. “What is this!?”

Volstagg and Sif both chuckled at him, Volstagg refilling their cups from a larger one on the middle of the table. “I thought you would like it,” Sif told Loki, giving him a warm smile. “Let us drink and be merry and forget our worries for one night, Sire.”

Clint sat on the other side of the table where his back was to the wall and he had a good vantage point over the entire pub, and watched as the three of them drank deep and spoke of happier and more hopeful times.

* * *

Sif woke up alone on the next planet, Ost-Bea IX. Volstagg had seen them there, spoken to the native inhabitant that had seen Steve, shrouded in purple, and then, his duties done, went back to Asgard. Loki had sent her to rent them a room for a few days and he and Clint joined her after they got dinner for the three of them.

They’d spent the night together, talking about Steve and the peculiar report from the inhabitant that had witnessed him, and then Sif had gone to sleep on the couch-like cushion and Clint and Loki had taken the bed-like cushion and she had woken up alone.

It wasn’t unusual for Loki to leave in the middle of the night or to arbitrarily decide on something different than their pre-established plan, so she didn’t worry. She did, however, pull out Steve’s phone from where she’d hidden it in her bag. He had given it to her before he had sent her to Asgard to help Natasha and the Valkyrie with the cleanup and disposing of Thanos’s body and giving Balder the Soul Stone and the Infinity Gauntlet. She hadn’t told Loki she had the phone and wasn’t entirely sure why, and she had gone into both of their phones and changed Steve’s contact information to her name.

Midgard technology felt both primitive and alien to her. Some of it felt like something a child would invent, and then she found herself baffled by things like their strange communication devices. They were not complicated, but there was simply nothing like them on Asgard. They were fantastic little pieces of technology, however, and Sif had enjoyed figuring Steve’s phone out in the past seven months.

She texted Clint.

**Are you back soon?**

Clint’s reply came quickly. **Since when do you have a phone?** And then, **Dunno, whenever Loki says we’re done.**

 **I obtained it after the battle with Thanos,** Sif told him. **I will wait here.**

**We’ll probably be awhile. Loki wants to know what color your phone is.**

What on Midgard… **Grey.**

**He says that’s boring.**

**Loki thinks everything I do is boring.**

**He thinks everything is boring. Oh, he also says he left some scroll for you? You should read it.**

Sif frowned and then looked around the small room, eyes landing on the scroll Loki had wanted her to read. It was on a small flat table near the cushion that approximated a bed, and Sif got up to pick it up. It was heavy and long and when she unscrolled the top, she was greeted with From the beginning, then? and something about it filled her with ice-cold dread.

Sif thought about who she was—a warrior of Asgard, a personal guard to a prince, a friend—and thought about what duties she had to Loki and Steve. She was always someone who went above and beyond for those she cared about, but now that she had Thor’s very final words in her hands, she wanted to run.

 **Have you read it?** Sif asked Clint.

There wasn’t an answer for a long time, long enough for Sif to put the scroll down and take a bath and go get something to eat. By the time she returned, her phone vibrated and Clint answered, **Read it.**

Sif sighed. She sat down on the couch and pulled a blanket over her legs and unfurled the long scroll, body breaking out in gooseflesh as she read.

* * *

_Did you know Sif has a phone?_

Loki made a curious sound. _No...what color is it?_

_She says grey._

_Interesting. Steve had a grey phone._

_Pretty sure that’s the most popular color for a phone._

Loki shrugged one shoulder as much as he was able. He was currently tied up in Hel’s dungeons and rather bored by the entire operation. Hela had abducted the two of them from Ost-bea IX while they were getting food and was mightily unhappy with Loki. She had monologued at them for a good while and Clint had nodded off during it, which had thoroughly pissed her off, and then she’d tied Loki up and chained Clint to the floor. Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t checked either of their pockets and had also left Clint’s hands free, so they were guaranteed an escape.

_Boring._

_I mean, it’s not, but whatever. You want me to ask her to come rescue us?_

_No need. Tell her I left a scroll for her and she must read it._

The door to the dungeon opened again and Clint scooted over, hiding his phone beneath his leg. He was chained down with a few manacles around his legs and upper arms, as well as a chain that went around his neck, and Loki had been absolutely furious watching it happen. Clint was looking forward to the retribution handed down to Hela’s minions when Loki got loose from where he had been pinned up against the dungeon wall with long, unbreakable ropes. Hela had clearly done her research, which was a little disconcerting, but even if she had done all she could, she had still underestimated the two of them.

Hela leaned against the doorjamb, crossing her long arms over her chest. “It really is so unfortunate you reneged on our agreement,” she mused. “The two of us together could be truly unstoppable.”

“You are the Queen of Hel,” Loki sighed. “If you did not account for loopholes, I genuinely do not know what to tell you. You surely must have known better than to take _my_ word for it.”

“Even I don’t do that,” Clint piped up. Behind him, Loki sighed and Clint could feel him roll his eyes.

“That’s enough from you,” Hela told him, sending a bit of black seidr at Clint and he panicked for a moment when it covered his mouth and rendered him mute. From behind him, Loki growled. “Now, brother, we’re going to make a new deal.”

“Oh?” Loki questioned. “I think you’ll find I have no interest in _deals_.”

“Lies,” Hela hissed. “Always lying. I do wonder what your loved ones think about that. I also wonder what your dear lost husband would think about you reneging on our agreement.”

“This is truly the worst response to losing a bet that I have seen in quite some time,” Loki informed her. He tugged futilely at his bindings and then sagged against them again. He looked pointedly away from Clint on the floor to hold in his anger, glowering at Hela. “All you had to do was let me explore Hel a bit and swear to me that Steve stays out of Hel when he dies. I’ll even let you use the Soul Stone. _Really_ , Hela, I’m quite amenable!”

Her eyes narrowed at him and she licked blood from her lips. “You’ll find that I am not. What I want, Loki, is recompense.”

Loki let out a tired sigh. He tugged at his bonds. “Don’t we all,” he muttered. “But I have nothing to give you.”

“Then I will _take_.”

There was a sound of someone spitting and both of their attentions were drawn to Clint, who had managed to rid himself of the black seidr sealing his mouth shut, and then, hiding the way his hands shook with the effort, Clint used green seidr to cut away the chains binding him. He pushed to his feet and Loki released the glamour that showed him still bound to the wall, showing that he was instead leaning back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Loki raised a hand and gestured at the door, seidr yanking Hela into the dungeon room before the door slammed shut.

Loki tsked at her, shaking his head. “It wasn’t even difficult,” he groused. “You should really at least _try_ to pose a challenge.”

“Those bonds have held the dead for centuries,” Hela snarled, eyes flickering angrily between them.

“All rumors aside, I am not dead. _Now_ we can deliberate this, Hela.”

Clint swiped his phone up from the floor and tucked it back into his pocket. He kicked one of the chains that bound him and looked back at Loki. _Think it’ll hold her?_

_Unlikely. If she doesn’t have a contingency plan in place for these rooms, I would be very surprised. And I can feel the wolf is close._

Loki conjured up two chairs and settled himself in the closest one, motioning for Hela to sit as well. She looked between the two of them and, seemingly realizing there was truly no escape until Loki wished it, sat.

Loki picked at his fingernails. “I must say, it’s almost becoming boring to be able to outsmart every opponent,” he noted. Hela rolled her eyes at the obvious lie and Loki smirked at her. “I would so enjoy an opponent that truly tests me. How surprising that the Queen of Hel is not that opponent.”

Hela crossed one long leg over the other. “What did you do?” she asked finally.

“A potion,” Loki replied, shrugging one shoulder. “Simbelmyne petals from Ymir’s corpse. Gathered at the exact moment the two moons were at their respective apexes, coupled with a bit of skin, a strand of Balder’s hair, and one of Thor’s tears, and I brewed a potion that could arrest death for up to a year. I gave it to every Avenger and close ally. Really, Hela, I was truly disappointed you did not consider the possibility.”

Hela glowered. Going by the look on her face, she was disappointed in herself as well. She had truly been down in Hel for too long if she thought Loki would not manipulate the deal for the outcome he wanted. Her hands twitched in her lap. “What else?”

“I believe the potion was all that was needed,” Loki replied dismissively. “Now, if we are done, I’ll go explore Hel and then you may have one use of the Soul Stone and we will take our leave.”

Hela’s eyes narrowed. “If you believe you’re taking one step inside my realm that is not towards the exit, you are sorely mistaken.”

Loki’s mouth turned down. “Now who is reneging? I won, regardless of whether or not that win was fair in your eyes. How rude it would be if you did not allow me—”

“No!” Hela barked. A sound came from outside the dungeon door that sounded just like a massive animal walking on stone floors. “If I ever see you again, Loki, it will be too soon.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at her. “How rude,” he noted idly, turning his attention to Clint. “Well?”

Clint looked up from where he’d been frowning at the broken chains. He really wasn’t as strong as he had been, and he couldn’t quite figure out how he’d managed to escape out of chains that the Queen of Hel herself had created. Loki had barely been bound to begin with; no one could bind Loki if he did not wish it. But Clint was weak and any use of seidr exhausted him, yet he felt fine.

 _What’s going on?_ he asked Loki, who frowned at him. _Why was I able to get out?_

_Because all appearances aside, you are a remarkably talented seidrmadr. Must this conversation happen now?_

_But I’m not. I’m barely able to float a plate without needing to take a nap._

_Curious,_ Loki murmured, sounding unconcerned. His attention turned back to Hela and he smoothed his hands down his thighs before recrossing his legs. “Dear sister, did you know that I have had many conversations about seidr with the Sorcerer Supreme of Midgard?”

Hela groaned. “Why is this of any interest to me?”

“Because I say it is. Now, seidr is very different on Midgard. They pull it from other dimensions. They have a common saying there that ‘the bill must always come due’. This means, of course, that the use of seidr takes and must be given back. Each action has an equal and opposite reaction, as I’ve heard them say.” He delicately cleared his throat and continued, “This is a bit different on Asgard, as you well know. Asgard and other similar realms. Given that our seidr is innate, we can only draw from our own personal well before we run it dry and must wait for it to replenish. Of course, we can always take from Yggradisl, but that’s another matter entirely. A Midgard witch does not have an endless well of seidr to draw from—they must take the seidr from somewhere, and it must be given back.

“Now, this is only important to you because of me. It can be, and has been, said that I am the most accomplished and talented seidrmadr in all of the Nine Realms. I am the God of many things—mischief, stories, lies. You are at least peripherally aware of what Thor—”

“Shut up,” Clint suddenly barked out, Loki literally sputtering in surprise, and Clint moved forward from where he’d been staring at the chains that had bound him. “You can punish me later. But for right now, I need to say something.”

Hela looked delighted with the new development, fully turning her attention onto Clint, who took in a deep breath and moved bodily in front of Loki. He’d been thinking, rummaging through the broken depths of his mind, and when there wasn’t what he was looking for, he moved through Loki’s thoughts. He knew what Loki thought of Hela—mostly a grudging acceptance, a faint distaste for having another sibling, his weird list that he had on everyone of their weaknesses and manipulation points, a vague general dislike of her that Loki had for most people—and had been thinking about how easy it had been for him to break loose. Before Thanos, before the change, it would’ve been child’s play for him to break out. But now? He knew he should’ve struggled with those chains for days.

“Everything you asked for every time one of us talked to was something outside of Hel,” Clint told her. “The Valkyrie, _me_ , you even wanted the Cosmic Cube before you talked yourself out of it. You’re stuck down here, the only Aesir in an entire realm of the dead, and everyone around you is soulless husks of their former selves, tortured by their own souls locked in the walls imprisoning them. Is that what you want the Soul Stone for? To release them? Or to tear the walls down?” Hela’s eyes widened minutely and Clint sneered at her. “No wonder you got rid of Thor’s soul—it was mute, for one, and for another, it must’ve been haunting. I warned you I would ferret out whatever you were doing.”

“Oh?” Hela replied, almost demurely. “And what would that be?”

“You’re the exiled eldest child of Odin and Frigga. By all rights, you should be King of Asgard. But instead you’re down here. Maybe you don’t want the throne, but you want _out_.”

Loki cleared his throat, drawing attention back to himself. He reached out and yanked on Clint’s arm. _Whatever you believe you’re accomplishing here, I can promise you that I will rip it out of your hide._

Clint shivered. _As you wish._ He looked back to Hela, squared his shoulders. “You’re not getting out. You’re Queen of Hel. Fate is inevitable, even for you. Whatever you think you want to try with the Soul Stone, I’m vetoing it.”

“Vetoing it?” Hela repeated suspiciously. “I doubt you have any right to—”

“I sacrificed Thor’s soul for it,” Clint spoke over her. “I know I belong to Loki and that means everything I own belongs to him too, yadda yadda yadda, but I’m the original Keeper.”

“Yadda yadda yadda?” Loki repeated incredulously behind him. _What is_ wrong _with you?_

“That means unless Loki orders me otherwise, what I say goes. And I say that even if Loki gives you the Soul Stone, it won’t answer.”

“That’s quite enough of that,” Loki said suddenly, pushing to his feet. When Clint turned his head to look back up at him, Loki pressed two fingers to his forehead and the world went black.

* * *

Clint sat up, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Cool fingers prodded at his ears and inserted his hearing aids, turning them on, and then Loki yanked him to his feet. Loki was visibly displeased with him, which Clint was expecting, and Clint sheepishly shrugged and glanced around wherever they were. That turned out to be outside Hel’s gates, black eternity stretching out beyond it, along with the path out of Hel.

Clint rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, not daring to look any higher than Loki’s chest. Loki’s irritation with him was radiating off the god and Clint knew he was walking the narrowest tightrope of his life in trying to get him to wait until they were in privacy before Loki brought down the mother of all punishments on him. His skin itched for it; hopefully Loki would use a potion on him.

_Did you get it all figured out?_

_With no help to you and your outbursts, yes._ Loki brought up a hand and rested it on Clint’s shoulder, squeezing him until it felt like his bones were groaning under the pressure. _Hela was...displeased with your assessment of her. I doubt it was factually incorrect, but it is...astonishing you would not run such a theory by me first. But she and I have come to an agreement._

_Yeah?_

_Hel is barred to me and mine. There will be no eternal home here for you or Steve or Sif or even Stephen._

_Doesn’t sound like a bad thing._

_No,_ Loki bit out, voice pinched. Clint glanced up at his face and winced at the poisonous look directed at him. _If it were only that, then I could manage it. But I believe you misunderstand the complexity of this, pet. Hela is the Goddess of the Dead. She has no say in where a soul ends up, but she can most certainly bar it. No, what Hela has done is that when I die, I will not be allowed in Hel, nor Valhalla, nor Heven. That is what Hela has done, and because your soul is bound to mine, you will suffer the same fate._

Clint nodded. _That’s thousands of years off,_ he tried to dismiss, although Loki was still furious. _We’ll figure something out by then._

_Oh? Will we? Because I seem to believe that I am also married, and soulbound, as are you, and a bond that Sif and Steve share can go beyond the scope of life. That is five souls, at the minimum, that I suddenly find myself shepherd to._

_You only don’t like it because you didn’t choose it._

Clint was surprised by the slap, although he shouldn’t have been. Pain bloomed over his face as he crumpled to the ground. Loki reached down and grabbed him by the tunic, yanking him to his feet. He held Clint off the ground and snarled into his face. Clint shied away from him, something wobbling in his chest in fear. But it was familiar and Clint found himself settling into it, finding comfort in Loki’s rage.

Loki went to say something else, but thought better of it, throwing Clint back to the floor. He shook his head, ran a shaking hand through his long hair, and then watched as Clint slowly heaved himself back to his feet. Green eyes flickered away from him and over the path out of Hel.

Then Loki turned away from it and began to walk towards the great endless expanse of nothing.

 _Sir? Where are you going?_ Clint asked, hurrying after him.

Loki stepped off the platform outside Hel’s massive, looming gates. He almost fell but his boot made contact with something invisible. _There are two paths out of Hel._ Clint nodded, following in Loki’s footsteps. _Until now, I only took the well-known one because I did not wish for Hela to be aware I knew of the second. But I suppose it matters little now. Now, come along and make haste. We have a very long ways to go. Oh, and I also replied to Sif for you. Hopefully she will have finished the scroll by the time we return._

The two of them walked unfalteringly into oblivion together.


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three adventurers set out upon their quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! warning time!  
> chapter contains (extremely temporary) character death and resurrection, along with (somewhat) consensual torture. the usual deal! loki's bad at it again and he's just a big bastard
> 
> other warnings include:  
> a lot of exposition (if the lack of dialogue bothers you, it returns in the next chapter)  
> mention of a pandemic
> 
> not sure if everyone is going through the same cold snap i am, but stay warm and safe if you are!

"You’ll be finding private quarters for the night,” came Loki’s voice suddenly from behind Sif. She jumped, dropping her mug of mead. Sif scrambled to her feet, turning to find that Clint was bound in rope and gagged and blindfolded, kneeling at Loki’s feet, and Loki looked like he was about thirty seconds away from cursing someone, and she would much rather it be Clint than her. Before she could say anything, Loki’s eyes drifted down to the scroll that Sif had been reading. “Ah. Did you finish it?”

Sif swallowed thickly. “Yes, Sire.”

“We’ll speak of it later. Leave it here.” Loki reached into the ether and tossed her a small bag of gold coins. “Now leave.”

Sif bowed hastily and gathered her bag and rushed out of the room.

Once the door was closed and locked behind her, Loki let out a tired sigh. He looked at the scroll and then put that out of his mind as he turned his attention to Clint. He was...they both needed to come back to equilibrium. Hela’s choice to bar the afterlife from them only muddled the waters between them even further, and Loki knew they both needed something to focus on, something familiar. Loki threaded his hand through Clint’s short hair, tugged at it, tipped his head back. Clint muttered something behind his gag and slumped forward.

Poor thing needed desperately to be brought to heel. Loki was still reeling from being told to _shut up_. He couldn’t even understand the audacity. He knew he had given Clint some liberties in their time together, but such rudeness was beyond baffling. Was it because of the bonds still unsettled between them? Because Loki himself was unsettled because of Steve’s absence? Because Loki had still not fixed him, his soul still injured? Something had changed and he knew not what it could be.

Perhaps it was Loki’s fault. Perhaps Loki should have left him on Asgard.

He sighed to himself, shook the thoughts out of his head. He wrapped Clint in seidr and floated him in midair, stepping around him. He ran his fingers along Clint’s clothes, disappearing them until he was only in his underwear. Everywhere Loki touched him, he left small green seidr touches on Clint’s pale skin. How interesting. He pulled Clint’s hearing aids out of his ears and disappeared them, plugging his ears with seidr. Clint struggled a bit and then settled again, sagging into the ropes binding him.

_What should I do with you?_ Loki mused, slipping his fingers through Clint’s mind. _I find myself truly lost on how to punish such incredible insolence._

_Sir,_ Clint whimpered. _Please._

Loki thought for a moment, tracing his fingers over Clint’s skin. _Do you know what I did?_

Clint made a curious sound into the back of his mind.

_I recreated your body. An identical copy, down to the last molecule, to what your body was before Thanos. You lost weight while you were in your coma, but this body is the exact same as that one._

_I wondered about the scars,_ Clint said. _On my arms. They’re gone._

_Yes. Do you know what else is gone?_

_The brands,_ Clint breathed. His entire body shuddered. _Is that what you’re—_

_Shut up. Shut. Up._ Loki’s hands curled into claws and he dug his long nails into Clint’s skin. _I cannot even believe your rudeness. I should have killed you and given your soul to Hela right then. Let you rot in the void forever._ A smile began to creep over Loki’s face at the thought, and suddenly, Clint knew exactly what he was going to do to him. _Don’t worry, pet. I’ll keep your soul safe. That soulbond to Stephen isn’t going anywhere._

Clint whimpered behind the gag.

_This is going to hurt,_ Loki warned him, sounding a bit too delighted over it. He pushed Clint down until he was waist-height with Loki and then paused for a moment, thinking over exactly what he wanted to do. Then he spent a few minutes creating a seidr branding iron in the shape of his personal rune, using seidr fire to heat it white-hot. He smiled, holding it up to admire it. He rested a hand on Clint’s bare chest, reveling in the faint trembling he could feel, the surge of Clint’s heartbeat under his fingers. _I was thinking of waiting until you were stronger to punish you, but there is clearly no more time to wait. If you’re going to scream, feel free. The room is warded._

Loki’s fingers found the spot directly over Clint’s heart and then he pressed the seidr brand there, watching as seidr began to hiss and bubble as it came into contact with his skin. Clint reacted immediately, screaming behind the gag, body arching back as much as it could in the confines of the ropes, skin sizzling as the seidr fire branded his skin. He began shaking immediately, trying to breathe through the gag and Loki watched him for a moment, then reached up to hold his nose closed, pressing the brand deeper to his chest at the same time. Clint struggled, tears seeping out from underneath the blindfold, and Loki smiled at him.

Truly, what incredible skills he possessed. He had made a perfect replica of a human body out of seidr and it even interacted with other seidr exactly how he wanted it to. How marvelous. Loki could only imagine the possibilities.

_Good boy,_ Loki murmured. _Next one._

He removed the branding iron and roughly pat Clint’s cheek before moving down to his closest hand. Loki fiddled with the bonds until Clint’s hand came free. Loki turned his hand over and traced his fingers over Clint’s palm.

_No no no no no—_

_Yes,_ Loki said, lifting the seidr branding iron. _You’re going to learn to be respectful whether you like it or not._

_I don’t want—_

_It does not matter what you want._

Clint took in as deep of a breath as he could manage, body hitching as adrenaline hit again, and then he tried to lift his hand up so it hit the brand, but Loki pulled it back before it could make contact.

_Oh no,_ Loki murmured with a dark smile. _You don’t get to control this. You are going to submit and you are going to thank me for it._

Clint let out a long, trembling breath, trying and failing not to sob. _Yessir._

Loki petted Clint’s shaking sides with the tips of his fingers and then flattened out Clint’s hand, stretching out the skin, and then he paused for a moment before pressing the brand to his palm. Clint shrieked, the sound barely muffled by the gag. He tried not to pull away but the instinct was too strong and he fought as much as he could against Loki’s firm grasp on his hand, muscles clenching, body shaking and becoming peppered with sweat. Loki dug the brand in deep, pressing into muscle and bone, finding the seidr in and under Clint’s skin and making sure it belonged to him.

He had reformed Clint’s body, but had been unable to fully recreate the seidr that had embodied him. It was not for lack of trying, but it was bordering on impossible to wholly recreate the intricate workings of a body made entirely out of seidr. He could create a human body—they weren’t anywhere near as complicated as an Aesir body, for one—and that was simple enough, but even Loki had been unable to manage manipulating pure seidr into something that could be considered a body, as well as keeping the form in a specific manner. If he’d had longer, perhaps he could have managed it, but there hadn’t been time. Not the decades he would have needed to achieve such a feat, at the minimum. Clint would have died if he had not done it quickly, and died in a way that even Loki could not bring him back.

The brands served a dual purpose. One, to remind Clint of his place and punish him, and two, to channel seidr. The original brands had appeared to solidify the bonds between them and show Loki’s claim over him. Clearly Clint needed that reminder again. Thanos’s death and the breaking of Thor’s spell had changed a great deal, but this was one thing that could not be changed: Clint belonged to him and him alone.

Loki pulled the brand away and smiled down at the deep wound already bubbling up with blood and plasma in Clint’s hand. Clint was shaking, weeping, bleeding. How lovely. He watched Clint for a moment, listened to his sobs, watched the way his entire body trembled. Loki reached forward to run his fingers through Clint’s shaking, quivering soul, and cradled it in between his fingers as he moved down Clint’s body to his nearest foot.

Clint was still weak, and made of less seidr than he had once been, which meant he felt everything more acutely, and everything combined made him more susceptible to pain. Loki paused for a moment and then pressed the seidr brand to the bottom of Clint’s foot, watching curiously as he strained against his bonds, skin going white against the rope, and he screamed into the gag. Loki pulled the branding iron away from his foot and moved up to Clint’s head, giving him a break as he soothingly ran his fingers over Clint’s face. Clint sobbed, trying to catch his breath, and Loki let him take a few minutes to calm down, knowing it would only make the next brands more exquisitely painful.

_This is going to hurt,_ Loki promised him, Clint pleading and begging into his mind. Loki stroked his fingers over the bottom of Clint’s foot, watching as Clint’s toes flexed and his shaking intensified.

When he pressed the brand in, Clint seized up, breath catching in his chest, and then he collapsed, strings cut. Loki froze for a second, eyes flashing to the soul still floating over Clint’s still chest, and then let out a long breath, turning his attention to the unbranded parts of Clint’s body. He branded Clint’s other foot and hand quickly but efficiently, and then disappeared the seidr branding iron as he stepped up next to Clint’s chest.

The archer was still, eyes blank and unseeing as Loki removed the blindfold, and Loki pressed both hands over Clint’s chest, channeling seidr into his unbeating heart and frozen lungs. He wrapped seidr around Clint’s soul, watching as it stopped it’s shivering and settled down, curling up against Clint’s skin. Gently, Loki placed his fingers against the brand in the middle of Clint’s chest and the soul obliged him, sinking beneath Clint’s motionless skin.

_Live,_ Loki demanded, funneling seidr into Clint’s skin, feeling it spread out beneath him, sinking into his joints and bones and blood and out to the furthest edges of his extremities and curling around his brain, shining out through his pores. The ropes binding him suddenly came undone, falling to the floor before disappearing. _Live,_ Loki said again, and there was a sudden burst of seidr that threw him back, Clint’s body contorting back, chest rising with a gasp of air.

Loki smiled as he picked himself up off the floor, seidr catching Clint before he hit the floor, and Loki caught the archer in his arms as he came back to himself. He pulled Clint’s back up against his chest and held him close as the seidr that shaped his body rushed back to life.

_I’m—_ Clint gasped, eyes wide as he looked rapidly around the room, panting, _I’m—I was dead._

_Yes,_ Loki murmured, unable to contain his smug smile, arms tightening around Clint’s heaving chest. _And I brought you back._

Clint’s head fell back against his shoulder, grabbing weakly onto Loki’s arms crossed over his chest. He took another gasping breath, shivering. _It was—it was_ nothing, he breathed. _I thought Hel was being alone but this was—it was so much worse._

_The Void, yes?_ Loki ran his fingers over the brand on Clint’s chest. The five brands had already healed up due to the influx of his seidr through Clint’s system, and it was green against his pale flesh, slightly raised. Clint quivered as Loki touched it, breath catching in his chest. _That feels weird,_ Clint breathed. _Like you’re pushing your fingers through my heart._

_Good,_ Loki murmured, thoroughly pleased with himself. _Now we know I can bring you back._

_How often are you gonna kill me, then?_ Clint asked, finally calming down. _I don’t know if I can deal with that all the time._

Loki made a curious sound, summoning a cushion and leaning back against it. Clint turned around in his arms, tucking his chin under Loki’s chin, curling into his embrace. Loki tightened his arms around Clint and said, _What you saw must have been the nothingness of purgatory. We are locked out of Heven and Hel and Valhalla by way of Hela. What else could be left?_

Clint shook his head. _It was hateful,_ he whispered. _I have never...I thought the worst thing I could experience was when you were gone._ He began to tremble again and Loki shushed him, sending him calming waves of seidr, gently patting his back.

_Tell me,_ Loki murmured.

_Emptiness,_ Clint breathed. _The Void. It was the long great fall. It was the moment before Thanos found you, except forever._

_Ah,_ Loki replied, unsure what to say. _I see._ He thought to himself for a moment and then raised the question, _Is that how Hela intends for us to spend the rest of eternity?_

_It must,_ Clint sighed. _Unless you can think of something else._

_I will continue to contemplate our future. There is always another way, always an answer to the question. We must only find it. As your memories expand, you must consider it as well. Now, do you feel adequately punished or must I continue?_

Clint nuzzled into Loki’s neck and let out a deep sigh. _You haven’t drowned me in awhile,_ he said softly. _Maybe do that next time._

_Once you are hale,_ Loki agreed. _Now rest._ He hefted Clint into his arms and brought him over to the cushions that were similar to a bed. He pulled a few furs out of the ether and wrapped them around Clint, who yawned up at him and then pushed his face into Loki’s stomach.

_Thanks for bringing me back, I guess,_ Clint told him. _I’d rather be with you than dead. And I guess I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I’ll probably do it again._

_I know, love._ Loki curled up next to him and pet Clint’s hair. _At least pretend you won’t._

Clint smiled against his skin. _Did you figure out why I was so powerful in Hel?_

_You did not feel what you were doing?_

_...No?_

_You were pulling seidr from me. Or, more accurately, you were asking for it and I gave it._ Loki traced his fingers over the golden snake wrapped around Clint’s neck and went to tuck his fingertips underneath it but found that he was unable. Curious. _You are a seidr black hole—you pull seidr into you without realizing it._

_Huh._ Clint yawned against him and curled up tighter against Loki. _Let me know if you need anything._

_Rest._

Clint nodded, eyes fluttering shut, and Loki rested his palm against his cheek as he gently slipped off into sleep.

Loki sat awake for a while longer, thinking.

Seidr was a difficult art. It took far more than it gave.

For Loki, who had studied it for his entire life, as well as all the thousands of lives that came before, it was easier. He was impossibly powerful with impossible mastery over anything he could think of. He was capable of seidr feats that were simply unthinkable—not because they were impossible, but because the power needed was unlike anything that had existed before, and no seidrmadr in any realm, upon any planet, in any world, could even conceive of some of the things Loki was capable of.

He spent millennia upon millennia studying and mastering the art. No matter the life he had lived, no matter what world or what race or what changed, he was drawn to seidr in a way that he could not turn away from. It thrummed under his skin; it burned away at his edges; it demanded to be used and damned him if he did not give in.

Each branch of seidr required a different price. Every seidrmadr was predisposed to different types—Loki found that manipulation seidr and illusions came easily enough that even in the beginning, he barely had to wave a hand and his seidr would dance down his arm and out his fingers and create whatever fantastical apparition he could conjure up. Ice seidr came easily as well, but it often made him feel sickened—later he learned that was due to the glamour Odin had put upon him—and he rarely used it. Other elemental seidr was out of his reach, other than seidr fire, which was not fire at all and instead his own pure seidr in its natural form.

He had always been naturally talented in the art. Healing seidr was not his due, so he adapted with potions. He found an affinity, after decades of struggle, for creation. He could conjure items out of thin air and disappear them just as easily. Every task his mother and tutors gave, he learned, and then practiced in secret until he was more talented than his teachers. What reason had he to practice the dark art of necromancy? What would he gain from such an act? He had no one he desired to return from the grave, no future he needed telling, no prophecies he needed foretold. He learned all he could about necromancy, brought a few dead animals back to life with great difficulty, and then put it out of his mind. There was no reason to continue study on such a deeply taboo subject when he could find little personal use for it. 

Necromancy was a muscle long atrophied. He had barely used it so few times, and now he pushed and pulled at it until it nearly broke. But perhaps it was easier now because he was already bound to Clint, and the archer had died when he had not allowed it. He had not given express permission for Clint to expire, and therefore it was easier to bring him back. It _had_ been frightfully easy, far easier than Loki had expected.

He thought briefly of Hela, of how she must have been watching and how hateful she must feel, and it made him smile. When he had brought up Midgard seidr philosophy to Hela, it had been mostly due to his boredom with the situation and something to do while he figured out what Hela was really up to. There had been no real thought to it other than a distraction. But now he was considering it, wondering what was so different about pulling seidr from other dimensions than from inside their own self. How peculiar.

He was quickly sobered again by the thought of the Void, and he knew there had to be something else, some other option, and he fell asleep searching his mind for it.

* * *

Clint was quieter and more subdued over the next few days as he recovered. Sif clearly noticed, but didn’t mention anything to Loki about it, following behind Loki as he took them from planet to planet in search of Steve. He went slowly back to normal, or his version of normal, but was still careful not to be ruder than what Loki was willing to tolerate.

Sif and Loki spoke little of what she had read in the scroll. She brought it up and Loki, clearly occupied by something else, informed her that she knew now what Thor had done and if it changed anything, she was not to tell him of it. Sif told him that she still did not understand the _why_ , and Loki had glared at her and refused to answer. She’d asked Clint about it, but he’d just huffed at her and told her that there wasn’t a why, there was only Thor and his madness. She had seen little of the Aesir she had grown up with in that scroll and while she had expected little different, it was still a shock. There was no love lost between her and Loki, but she thought that perhaps Thor’s words explained a bit of why Loki was such an absolute bastard. 

There weren’t any more reports from anyone in search of Steve, so they were flying by the seats of their respective pants. They had some idea of his approximate location, a stab in the dark at a various few sections of the vast, endless galaxy, and Loki had decided to go from planet to planet in their search.

They hit over fifty planets in the span of two months—

Vystirr, a flat fire realm that existed inside a mechanical shield. There was no sign of Steve or any use of the Power Stone or any sign of Mjolnir, but the inhabitants were welcoming, and the three of them stayed overnight. Loki spent the night sweaty and uncomfortable and decided they weren’t going to any more fire planets.

Up-2-53, a mechanical planet with ten moons, all occupied by a different species. They hopped between moons and found no mention of Steve, but one of the moons had a small lake and they partook of some of the best fish that either Loki or Clint had ever eaten.

IXPRIUM, a seemingly primitive planet with no intelligent life on the surface, but Clint accidentally found his way underground and they came upon a vast network of cities run by ant-like creatures. Sif had actually met one of the inhabitants before, and while she could not find that specific creature, was able to use the Allspeak and knew some of their culture and customs to ask for any sight of Steve, and although there was none, she was given some tea and honey that she shared with Loki and Clint.

Obri-gum, a destroyed, abandoned planet that looked like it had a massive bite taken out of it. The three of them walked for a bit over the sticky, candy-like ground, Loki stretching out his seidr for any signs of life, and found there were not even native bacteria or cells, and the three of them realized they were inadvertently introducing life to dead planet, and Loki erased every trace of them before pulling out the Tesseract and sending them away.

Letbri, a dark yet brilliant planet lit up with all manners of natural, colorful lights that turned out to be the native inhabitants: small, bug-like creatures that communicated through the various lights over their bodies. They also communicated in some type of silent sign language when the sun came up for only a few hours every day, and Clint managed to pick up enough of the sign language to ask about Steve. Predictably, no sight of him, but they were able to try some of the native food, and while it wasn’t _good_ , it was all edible.

HcBevch, a planet where the spider-like inhabitants spoke mostly in clicking their mandibles and tapping on the ground with their long legs. They were the size of a person and something about the three of them immediately sent the inhabitants on the attack, rushing at them with strange spears and swords, and they didn’t have a chance to ask if Steve had been there before Loki used the Tesseract to take them to safety.

Raskoi, another completely deserted planet that was surrounded by various, fast-moving moons. There was a huge sea with uneven, rapid tides, and when Clint went swimming, he found a few peculiar looking creatures that were bordering on fish but not quite. They spent the afternoon there and shared a bottle of Aesir wine between the three of them.

CBM-54-92, a planet infested with cities, skyscrapers piercing the sky, thousands upon thousands of sharp buildings and empty rooms. It took them walking around for a few hours to realize that the inhabitants of the planet were the buildings and it bothered the three of them so much they left without trying to learn if Steve had been there or not.

Valza, a planet where the inhabitants were strangely human-like, although they spoke in a language that the Allspeak was barely able to translate, and they lived in vast systems in the tops of the massive trees that covered the surface of the planet. They had communication devices and computer screens that were similar to what they recognized from Midgard and Asgard, as well as car-like vehicles that seemed to be made from the huge leaves that grew on the trees. There was no sighting of Steve, although one of the inhabitants had seen some kind of purple seidr that resembled the Power Stone, which helped the three of them continue to narrow down Steve’s possible location.

The Intergalactic Tavern, a bar planet with only one permanent inhabitant: the bartender. The bartender was a floating robot with multiple long arms and a monocle, and it had been spelled and programmed to know everyone’s perfect alcoholic drink. Sif was served a specific honey mead that was identical to one her mother used to make; Clint got seidr-infused coffee liqueur with peppermint flavoring; and Loki got sweet red wine in a large jeweled chalice. The three of them sat at the bar and asked about Steve, but none of the other customers answered, and the bartender had no answers other than what had been pre-programmed into it. Sif flirted with a three-armed being and hooked up with her in the bathroom and then the three of them left.

Pocoat, a dismal little planet with small, Nif-like inhabitants with long beards. They ate everything in rolled up meals and Loki picked at the food with disgust. They had seen nothing of Steve, although they had once seen Thor centuries back and he had been made into a legend. They left quickly, unable to bear the thought of Thor being considered a god.

T-58, a planet with an apparently lax view on sex, given that the various inhabitants seemed to be having it on every surface of every building. They stayed overnight in a hotel and Loki gave Sif permission to go wild while he and Clint stayed back in the hotel room and awkwardly ignored the sex sounds coming from every direction. Clint ended up calling Stephen and hiding in the bathroom and having slightly uncomfortable phone sex with him while Loki turned his energy to posting pictures on Instagram. They left early in the morning after Sif greeted the two of them with a wide, bruised smile and a limp that made Loki scowl at her and Clint snuck her a bit of healing potion after she told them that she had asked around about Steve and hadn’t heard anything.

0M3-N, an aquatic planet where Loki had to quickly spell the three of them with the ability to breathe underwater, and then he sent Sif on a quest to see if any of the native residents had seen Steve while he spent the night repeatedly half-drowning Clint. There was no news of Steve but Clint seemed to be in a remarkably good mood the next few days after they left; Sif even commented on it but he just grinned at her.

*84N-Witser, a donut-shaped planet with a massive hole in the middle. They spent nearly a week there, the most time out of any of the planets so far. They explored the varying gravitys on the planet, as well as the diverse topography, ranging from massive mountains to underground cave systems, some of which were so deep and expansive that they had their own weather systems. Loki and Clint got lost in one of them and Sif had to help them find their way out, and then Loki found a native seidrmadr and spent two days speaking with them, learning as much as he could about the planet’s unique seidr.

5959, a gas planet with a very small core, and around that core, there was a constant rain of diamonds. The planet was unsettlingly empty, feeling as if there should have been inhabitants, but there were none. Not even Loki’s most powerful spells could find life, and they spent just enough time there for Clint to gather up a bag of diamonds and then they fled.

On B96412ARGYF, a planet where it was inhabited not by living beings as they understood them but by a massive colony of barnacles that spread out over the native plant life, which looked somewhat similar to coral and anemone and some flowering plants, they began to leave behind small signs for Steve. Clint convinced Loki to be considerate of the native inhabitants, so he decided to leave a slash of seidr across the sky, nothing that could affect any of the native inhabitants. The barnacles did move, although at an incredibly slow place, and the Allspeak could not decipher their peculiar language. The three of them tried to ask about Steve, but the barnacle-like inhabitants were simply far too different from them to have any chance of them understanding one another.

They hit a rash of empty planets—Webster, ORVBRIAN, 16124-49303, Xpqrx, qZiioooo, Nzbrush, 0-prib, Byllu, CC**Bo-77, Bathin—which were all beautiful and remarkable in their own rights, but devoid of any type of life. It was far more statistically likely that a planet be empty rather than inhabited, after all, and a few of the planets had clearly once been outposts or taken over by armies past. They left seidr signs for Steve on each planet and then Loki, annoyed with not seeing anyone, took them to the planet where Talos had taken refuge with the rest of the Skrulls, Braxton-8I7. Captain Marvel was also there, and after she spoke with Loki and Clint about what she had helped with on Jotunheim, she and Sif seemed to gravitate towards one another and spent the few days they had together, sparring and sharing their meals together in Carol’s small house. Clint spoke with the few Skrulls he and Steve had rescued from Xandar and was pleased to see that they had acclimated well to their new home. The three of them spent a few days there and Talos promised to keep an eye out for Steve in his intergalactic travels.

M3550P, their next stop, was a flat planet, a vast green plain stretching out before them. It took only a second on the planet for the three of them to realize that the grass-like field was actually a poisonous weapon designed to ward off possible intruders, and Loki quickly took them all away to an empty planet where he could heal and treat them. Whatever that place was, they were hopeful that Steve had never set foot there.

Draven, a mountainous planet that was inhabited by Vanir-type elves, and Loki spoke to their royalty and found that many millennia ago, a small group of Vanir had left Vanaheim and gone to the stars to colonize their own planet. They had heard of Loki and Clint and put them up in their nicest guest suites for a few nights. Something about the place made Sif uncomfortable and they learned the first night that the elves had evolved into two subtypes and they used the smaller subtype as sex slaves. They sent one of the small elves into Loki and Clint’s quarters and Loki had very stern words with the King and Queen about disrespecting him. In the middle of the night, Clint used the Tesseract to send the small elf far away, back to Braxton -817, along with a letter asking for them to keep the elf safe. Loki surely figured out what he had done but made no mention of it. The three of them stayed another night but left early in the morning after learning there was no news on Steve.

Vxii, a planet filled with vast steppes that endlessly rose up and off into the horizon. The inhabitants were mammalian in nature, with four legs on a long body and long, almost snake-like torsos with various arms that seemed innumerable, and their faces were long and their eyes were dark and large and unblinking. They were covered in fine brown fur and had long tails that they carried off the ground, usually flipped up over their backs. The majority of the inhabitants seemed to be farmers, growing some type of food in small raised beds. They were welcoming enough and offered up food and drink and Clint obligingly tried everything first, finding that the plants they grew were tasty and nutritious. There was no sign of Steve but Loki left a bit of seidr for him.

Loki was getting more desperate. They had caught only a few clues to Steve’s whereabouts and none of them led in any specific direction or any specific location. There was no answer, no quest markers, nothing that could show them the way. All they could do was keep looking, keep searching, no matter how long it took. He would find Steve no matter what.

The next planet, Shernan, gave them a ray of hope. The planet was similar to Asgard, although colder, and the inhabitants were all reptilian pacifist monks that wore long robes and although they could understand them due to the Allspeak, their tongue still seemed unfamiliar. But they had seen Steve. He had even been there, perhaps five months prior, and the story they told of him was horrible and disconcerting—they told tale of a man hunted, covered in purple seidr, seemingly on the run from something. He told them he was Prince Steve Rogers of Asgard, but he did not look like a prince to their eyes; he looked tired and worn-down and seemed unable to find rest on their planet. He stayed with them for a few weeks and then vanished in the middle of the night. He had not returned, although the monks had informed him he would always be welcome. It was not a direct line to Steve, but it was something. It was the beginning of a beacon of light showing them the way.

They found themselves upon Vormir next. Clint had the thought that Steve had returned there, and it turned out he was right; Loki found evidence of the Power Stone’s seidr upon a few rocks on top of the Soul Stone shrine. He thought about returning the Soul Stone but instead went inside the Soul World with Clint, leaving Sif outside to guard them, and found Thor still chained and locked in the metal box Loki had left him in. Clint stopped next to his face and kicked some of the strange water on the ground into his eyes. Thor glowered at him and bared his teeth and Clint bared his right back. Loki mentioned that Thor had once said to him that if he was near another Infinity Stone that he could get a brief peak out of the Soul World but Thor merely laughed at him and refused to answer. Loki nodded and considered that while Clint conjured up a bow and arrow and used Thor as target practice. They left the Soul World soon after and Loki went on a walk around Vormir, thinking deeply to himself. Clint and Sif stayed behind and threw rocks off the cliff ledge and Clint didn’t let himself think about what Loki was considering. Something of that magnitude could rend the universe in two.

74052-HH, an abandoned planet that had once been filled to the brim with life, but going by the transmissions they found, along with the evidence left behind, they had left the planet because of a global pandemic that killed nearly half the population. The inhabitants seemed to think that the sickness was tied to the planet and sought to escape it, but going by the few transmissions sent back that they were able to find, the sickness had ravaged the ships and predictably, everyone died. The few survivors left planetside soon succumbed. The three of them already had spells that allowed them to breathe the air of whatever realm they traveled to, so they were not susceptible to the illness, and they walked through the empty planet, searching fruitlessly for signs of life. There were no signs of Steve, nor anyone else. They left after only a day, too unsettled by the vast expanse of a planet slowly rotting away.

They went to multiple nameless planets, planets either never given names or with names unknown in any of their tongues or names lost to time, and upon one of those planets, they found a massive lake with a large island in the middle. The planet was empty of life other than some strange animals, and when they traveled to the island in the middle of the lake, they found evidence of life: two long chains, long destroyed, and evidence of a struggle. Clint frowned as he walked around, picking up the chains and examining them, and he realized they had stumbled upon Lyngvi, the place where Fenrir was said to be bound until Ragnarok. There was no third chain, which raised the question: how had Fenrir gone from Lyngvi to Asgard’s dungeons? Perhaps Hela had rescued him? None of the three of them had answers, and it wasn’t like Sif would be answering any question for them.

They sat on a nameless moon and shared bread and cheese and meat and mead and wine and watched as a shiver of star sharks swam past.

They continued on to O-Brien, a planet inhabited by dragons. The high dragons, the royalty of the planet, spoke an old Aesir tongue which Clint realized he knew, and he spent a few days with them, learning about their cultures and norms. He had slowly been regaining his strength and was able to wield seidr without exhausting himself, although only to a point. He was still not anywhere near to what he’d been before Thanos, but he was definitely on the journey there. He spoke to a dragon seidrmadr who helped him meditate and explore the broken bonds and began to repair them so they weren’t constantly draining him. The brands helped him focus but he was still so terribly weak compared to what he’d been before Thanos, and he knew the road to recovery was going to be very, very long. Clint and Loki had worked on it but Loki was more focused on finding Steve; he’d fixed Clint up enough to function and Clint had to do the rest of it.

After the planet with the dragons, Clint started steering them to more seidr-focused planets. They returned briefly to Shernan, where Clint spoke with a few of the monks and Loki poked around in their library and Sif found a room full of old weapons and the monks let her take whatever ones she wanted. She took a sword enchanted with the ability to make aim true, along with a shield that had a shield spell that protected the wielder in a sphere around them. She took them outside and sat in the warm sun and polished them up, Loki joining her after a while, the two of them sitting in companionable silence. Clint spoke to the monks about their concept of an afterlife and was given a few books to research other avenues other than where Hela had barred them from.

Newberry, a planet inhabited by walking fruit trees, and a great deal of them were seidrmadrs. One of them taught Loki one of their spells to find something that was lost, but when he activated it, it pointed to Clint and refused to budge, who shifted uncomfortably and refused to talk to Loki about it. The two of them had a long talk about Clint taking care of himself and Loki spent a few hours poking around in his head, but inevitably got distracted by what memories Clint had managed to cobble together of Steve and left him alone. Clint knew that Loki was struggling—they all were—and he threw himself into getting himself better so Loki didn’t have to worry about him.

T34CH, a planet full of scholars that came from all over the galaxy, where they spent nearly a week. Clint relearned many things there, things that he had once known and had been taken to save his life—spells, knowledge, abilities, _time_ —and after explaining his situation to one of the scholars who specialized in theoretical seidr studies, learned that his goal was wrong. He was trying to become who had once been; he needed to become someone _new_. He would always belong to Loki, would always serve him and guard him, but trying to become a carbon copy of his prior self was the wrong answer. He just needed to figure out who he was _now._ The change had affected all of them and Clint had been changed most of all. He needed to stop trying to resist that and embrace it instead; if not for himself, then for Loki.

They went to a few more planets before Clint’s search for knowledge took them to somewhere familiar: Yggdrasil, and down to the roots, then up a great hill, where they walked to Mimisbrunnr.


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mimir and his Well. The search continues, but they grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sure would appreciate some feedback, folks!

The Well was made of stone, and it was underneath a tree that was one of Yggdrasil’s roots poking up out of the ground. Sif and Clint sat down underneath the tree and relaxed back against it. Clint pulled out his phone, as did Sif, and they sent each other a few pictures and posted on Instagram.

Loki perched on the edge of the Well and looked down into the deep water. One time, very long ago, Odin sacrificed an eye for knowledge.

He didn’t intend to sacrifice anything.

He glanced back at Clint and Sif and then reached forward, down down down into the well, and the moment before the very tips of his fingers brushed the water, a man appeared, sitting on the other side of the Well. He was clearly Aesir, with long grey hair and an even longer grey beard, and he wore a simple beige tunic over plain brown trousers. Loki could tell he was tall, far taller than the average Aesir. He was part giant, if Loki’s memory was correct.

Loki straightened back up, hearing Sif and Clint behind him get to their feet. He held up his hand to stop them from advancing and curled his lips at the Aesir. “Mimir, I presume.”

“Aye,” Mimir said, his voice quiet like flipping pages in a book. “Call your dogs off.”

“Sit down, you two,” Loki told them, not looking away from Mimir’s pale gold eyes. Clint heaved a sigh and Sif muttered something and they both complied. “Now, we have business to discuss.”

Mimir straightened up, leaning back on one hand and crossing one leg over the other. His feet were bare. “Those who come here come in search of something. What is it you search for, Loki of Asgard?”

“My husband.”

“Ah. I did hear about the marriage, and the ensuing three days of sun.” Loki’s mouth twisted in a smug smile that quickly fell from his face as Mimir continued, “None of the sun reached here, of course.”

Loki tipped his head back to look up the great length of Yggdrasil, to the stars shining in between her branches and her leaves, to what gave them light enough to see. “Pity,” Loki drawled, meeting Mimir’s gaze again. “But perhaps a drink from the well would give you knowledge of the—”

“I drink from the well every day,” Mimir interrupted. “I use it to make mead.” He waved a hand, eerily long fingers twisting through the air, and light red, nearly pink seidr twirled into the air, creating a large mug. Mimir caught it and took a long, noisy sip. “This well brings knowledge.” He took another sip and then looked at Loki over the rim of the mug before lowering it, resting it on the edge of the Well. “It brings wisdom. Do you want to know what I know now?”

Loki’s eyes went wide for a moment and then narrowed again. “Yes,” he replied slowly. “Of course.”

“You are a ship lost at sea,” Mimir began. “You are unmoored; always have been. For so long, you were at the whim of the sea, of the storm, of the winds. But now, you have lowered your sails and created an engine and turned your prow into the oncoming waves to ride them out. You search for a safe harbor; there was one, once, yet...it is gone. There is no anchor, there is no safety, there is only the sea, and it is dangerous and it is vast and there is no port in sight, not yet.”

He trailed off and Loki made a curious sound. “All that from a sip of mead?” Loki questioned mildly, looking with interest at the mug.

Mimir shrugged one thin shoulder. “Or from watching you for any length of time.”

“All of that is knowledge, or some manner of it. What you do not have is wisdom.”

“Wisdom would be knowing that you are a frightfully powerful seidrmadr and both of your guards are ready and able to kill me and being unwilling to irritate either of them.”

Loki smiled at that, not showing his teeth. “That would make you wise,” he commented. “But no mere sip of mead brings you that.” He motioned to the Well. “What would I see if I drank?”

“Odin offered up an eye,” Mimir said. “The Well demands an exchange. You cannot know what the Well will show you until you drink.”

Loki raised an eyebrow at that but wisely did not comment on it. “The Well brings knowledge and wisdom,” he said, and Mimir nodded, bringing up his mug to sip from it again. Every time he moved, he left pink glimmers of seidr in the air. “Would it show me where my husband is?”

“It is not omniscient,” Mimir told him. “It will not show you the future. But it can...show you something you missed. Open your mind to knowledge.”

Loki nodded, considering that. His eyes fell back to the deep water beneath them.

From behind him, Clint pushed to his feet and moved closer. “How many of us can drink from it?” Clint asked, stepping up next to Loki, who reached out and brushed his hair away from his forehead.

“One,” Mimir said. “The sacrifice for two would be far greater than what you are willing to give.”

Clint nodded. “I want to drink,” he told Loki, who raised his eyebrows at him, incredulous. “I feel drawn to it, to the Well. Like I was called here.”

Mimir’s bushy eyebrows rose. Loki sighed as he asked, “What could you learn that is of more import than what I could?”

Clint shrugged one shoulder. “Not like we can’t come back, sir. And we have the same goal, right? We’re both looking for Steve.”

Loki’s head swung around to look at him, green eyes examining every centimeter of his face, drinking him in. “Aye,” Loki said slowly, frowning at Clint. “We are.”

“Odin spent his entire life searching for knowledge,” Mimir said suddenly, both of them turning simultaneously to look at him. “He was relentless, hungry. He sacrificed everything to learn more. His eye was nothing to an Aesir like him. He wanted power, and it was given to him when he became King of Asgard, High Seat of the Nine Realms. But he wanted _more_. A life full of relentless, unending pursuit of knowledge.” He reached forward and down and scooped up some of the water with his mug and drank deeply. The pink seidr shadowing his movements became more pronounced. “Only those with similar drives can drink from the Well.”

“I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I don’t _do_ anything other than think,” Clint interjected before Loki could say anything. He rested both hands on the edge of the Well and stared Mimir dead in the eyes. “I need to _know_. I’m searching for something and it’s here, right _here_ , and I am going to find the answer one way or another.”

Unbelievable. Loki stared at Clint, a frown on his face. Something in the archer had changed, something that made Loki wholly uncomfortable. Clint was becoming something Loki didn’t recognize and Loki didn’t like it one bit. But they had come to the Well with the same purpose, and if Clint found Steve instead of him, Loki found he didn’t much care; what mattered was finding Steve.

“Very well,” Mimir said, motioning Clint closer. “You are the one chosen to drink. Now come forth and offer up your sacrifice.”

Loki let out an annoyed sound and heaved himself off the edge of the Well, glowering at the two of them and then moving back over to Sif, who was watching the entire situation unfold with an amused look on her face. Loki sat down next to her and picked Clint’s phone up off the ground, poking through it and seeing that he had been texting Bucky. Something about a bird? How peculiar.

“What did Odin seek?” Clint asked, leaning against the edge of the Well and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Knowledge of Ragnarok,” Mimir said. Clint’s hand rose to touch the golden snake wrapped around his neck. It had begun to fuse with his skin and was unable to be removed. “He wished to prevent his own death and to win a war.”

“Yeah, I don’t care about that,” Clint snorted. “I’ll manage. We already won our war. But I need knowledge too. I need to know what I’m going to become. What’s going to happen.”

Mimir, finally interested, straightened up, giving Clint a curious look. “I thought you Midgardian,” he said, eyes narrowing at Clint. “But you’re not. You’re not Aesir, either.”

“Nope,” Clint replied. He thumbed back over his shoulder at Loki. “I’m his. But I’m...changing. And I need to know what’s going to happen.”

Mimir nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face. “You must sacrifice something that cannot be regained.”

Clint nodded, tilting his head to look down into the Well. “Have I not sacrificed enough?” he said, his voice soft. “My voice, my family, my _life_. I lost everything. Is that not worth enough? Sacrifice _enough?_ ”

Mimir thought that over for a long while. He tapped his fingers on the mug and raised it to his mouth and sipped from it, rolling the water around in his mouth. He looked between the three of them, pale gold eyes examining them from head to toe.

“No,” he said finally, swallowing down the last of the water and disappearing the mug with a glitter of pink seidr. “It is not enough. The Well demands it’s own sacrifice.”

Clint nodded. He looked back at Loki, who raised his eyebrows at him, and then in one quick motion, Clint darted around the Well and dug his fingers deep into Mimir’s chest. His fingers tore through his skin and Clint grabbed the seidr holding his body together. Mimir screamed as Clint jerked it away, green seidr wrapping around his wrist and down his arm, revealing that Mimir was only a head, floating in space.

Clint held the spell over the Well, glowering at Mimir. “Either you let me drink or you never see this spell again.”

Mimir snarled at him, baring his teeth. “I’ll just make another.”

Clint shook the spell, pink seidr fluttering away from it and all around the Well. Loki reached up and grabbed one of the specks out of the air and held it up to examine it before it disappeared. “What sacrifice would that take?” Clint asked. “How much knowledge did you gain from sacrificing your _body?_ ” He shrugged one shoulder. “Surely I would gain the same.”

“I am only the guardian of the—”

“Yeah, I outsmarted the last one too. Let me save you the trouble and just tell you that you’re going to give me what I want.”

“It really is quite easier that way,” Loki piped up from behind Clint. He looked thoroughly amused by the entire situation, no longer annoyed. “Just give him what he wants.”

Mimir’s head bobbed angrily up and down in the air. “I do not _bargain._ ”

Clint shook the pink spell again. The green seidr around his arm brightened and Mimir grimaced. “It’s not a bargain,” Clint told him. “I’m going to drink from the Well one way or another. Either you watch me do that or I use this spell to create a box and lock you in it.”

“Cre—create a box? With _my_ spell?” Mimir scoffed. “You are _human_. You do not even have a sling ring.”

Clint’s eyebrows rose. “I’m really curious what it is about me that makes everyone underestimate me,” he muttered, and then with two quick motions, he yanked at the pink seidr and pulled at it like taffy until it snapped, and then he twisted and molded it into a pink box, threaded with green. Green seidr surrounded Mimir’s head and no matter how he found or what spells he shouted, Clint’s spell dragged him ever closer. “I’m not Midgardian, I’m not human, I’m not Aesir. I’m Clint. Clint Barton of Asgard. And I’m going to drink from that Well whether you like it or not, and you can spend the rest of your life trapped in a box at the bottom of it.”

“Fine!” Mimir finally shrieked. “Drink! Just don’t put me in there!”

Clint nodded. He reached out and tangled his fingers in Mimir’s long hair, holding the head up high. “Where’s the horn? Where’s Gjallarhorn?”

Gold eyes narrowed at him and Mimir bared his teeth. “I need my body,” he said. “I can’t summon it without my body.”

“Pretty shitty wizard,” Clint said, shaking his head and holding Mimir aloft as the head tried to bite him. “But yeah, I’ll give you your body back. Don’t try anything.”

It took just a wave of Clint’s free hand and the pink box melted down into a puddle and then reformed itself into Mimir’s body, thankfully still clothed. The body gave a full-body shudder once it was fully reformed and then patted around with it’s hands, finding the wall of the Well and then patting around in the air until it found it’s head. Then Clint released his hold on Mimir’s head and his body reattached it, the two of them melding together into one.

Mimir scowled at him and then held out a hand, a massive drinking horn appearing in his palm with a sparkle of pink seidr.

“The sacrifice has been accepted,” Mimir said, tone icy, and Clint took the horn and leaned over the edge of the Well to fill it. Loki and Sif levered themselves to their feet and came closer to watch as Clint raised the horn that would herald the beginning of Ragnarok to his lips and drank deeply.

“Oh. _Oh._ ”

“What do you see? What do you know?” Loki asked, shoving forward and taking Clint by the shoulders. Clint dropped the empty horn and stared sightlessly forward.

Mimir chuckled, waving his hand and the horn lifted from the floor and sailed into his hand. He used his tunic to wipe the horn’s exterior clean before vanishing it. “The Well showed him what he wanted to see.”

“The future?” Loki questioned, brow furrowed, and he quickly caught Clint as the archer suddenly fainted, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Sif came forward but stopped when Loki shot her a glare. “You said the Well does not show the future, yet he asked about Ragnarok.”

Mimir shrugged a shoulder, pink seidr once again shadowing his movements. “I said it would not show _you_ the future. You’d think the Lie-Smith would be a little more cognizant of word choices.”

Loki raised his eyebrows at that. He tugged his cape free from the pauldrons on his shoulders and wrapped it around Clint, waving Sif forward. She quickly picked the archer up and began to walk down the hill, away from the Well. Loki turned his attention to Mimir, holding out one hand, palm up. Green seidr began to swirl around in his palm, collecting itself into a small ball. Mimir glanced between the seidr and Loki’s face.

“I think that’s quite enough out of you,” Loki said finally, and with a deft throw, tossed the seidr at Mimir, who was not quick enough to jump out of the way. It caught Mimir in a net and dragged him closer to Loki, who reached forward and yanked his head from his body. Mimir’s body collapsed in a pile of pink seidr and Loki raised the head high. He lifted the seidr net and wrapped it tightly around Mimir’s swinging head, being careful to avoid his snapping teeth. Once Mimir was caught, Loki turned towards the tree near the edge of the Well. “I’d prefer you where I can find you once I return,” Loki said, and with a bit of seidr, locked Mimir’s head into the trunk of the tree, leaving him enough room to speak and see and hear but not move.

Mimir screamed in rage as he was locked in place with a few of Loki’s spells. Loki made sure he couldn’t go anywhere and then swooped up the pink spell, examining it.

“Let me out! You cannot do this! Let me out!”

“A fine piece of seidr,” Loki finally said, ignoring Mimir’s protestations, and then he tossed the pink seidr into the Well, where it floated on top of the water for a long moment and then disappeared beneath the surface with nary a bubble. Loki wiped his hands of it and then looked around, as if checking to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. “Well,” he said, turning his attention back to Mimir’s furious head. “I do hope he found what he was looking for.” Loki tipped an imaginary hat to Mimir, who let out a wordless bellow of rage. “Be seeing you.”

He stalked down the hill and joined Sif, Clint still unconscious in her arms, and Loki pulled out the Tesseract.

“You could drink the entire Well if you gave me that!” came Mimir’s voice from the tree.

Loki laughed at that and activated the Tesseract in lieu of an answer.

* * *

Clint woke up two days later with a gasp, jerking up into a sitting position, visions of the future dancing through his head. Sif was sitting in a chair next to him, reading, and she reached out for him once she saw he was awake. Clint flinched away on reflex and Sif’s hand paused in midair and then dropped back to her lap. She marked her page and closed her book and set it on the table next to Clint’s bed.

“You had us worried,” Sif told him, her voice mild. “Loki is rather desperate to hear what you saw.”

Clint rubbed his hands over his face, groaning to himself. He had seen _so much_ , and what he did see...Loki couldn’t know. He couldn’t say a thing. “Where is he?” he muttered, then he looked around the room with a frown. “Wait, where are we?”

“Loki’s library,” Sif replied simply. “He retrofitted a room into a healing wing before we left Asgard, I believe.” She gestured to the walls that, upon closer inspection, held framed photos of Clint’s family, along with various pictures of Steve and Stephen and even a couple extremely dramatic ones of Loki. Clint smiled slightly at the sight. “He should be here soon.”

“Good,” Clint sighed. He sagged back against the pillows. “Fuckin’ tired.”

Sif smiled at him and picked up a glass of water, helping Clint drain it. She set the glass down and sighed. “We’ve been two four planets since we left the Well,” she told Clint. “Only one of them had any sign of Steve. The Power Stone was...all over that planet. Whatever he did there, he...he must’ve lost control.”

Clint’s brow furrowed. “Steve? Control is kind of his whole thing.”

“It was from months ago. It seemed to be soon after he left Midgard. We’re starting to figure out his path, where he went. I...it feels like we’re missing something. Is he running from something? Chasing someone?” She sighed and Clint noticed that she looked exhausted. “We keep only finding evidence of the Power Stone, not Mjolnir.”

“Steve’s the only one who could have it if Loki doesn’t have it,” Clint told her. “The hammer is tied to Loki; the only people capable of wielding it are him and whoever he thinks is worthy, which is only ever going to be Steve.”

Sif nodded, eyes dropping to her hands in her lap as she clasped and unclasped her hands. “My fear is the change,” she said, her voice soft. There were very few things in the world that scared Sif and Clint narrowed his eyes at her. “We cannot possibly know all that changed. What if Mjolnir changed and Steve chases whoever stole it?”

“Then we’ll have Loki summon it,” Clint shrugged. “Fix it pretty easily.”

“I cannot take the risk,” came Loki’s voice from the doorway. Clint found himself reaching out towards his god before he even registered what he was doing. Loki swept into the room and perched on the edge of Clint’s bed, gently taking Clint in his arms for a brief hug. Then he ran his hands over Clint’s shoulders and up over the golden snake wrapped around his neck and brushed his thumbs over Clint’s cheeks. “If, as we fear, something has taken Mjolnir and Steve hunts it, we cannot summon something unknown. And, of course, there is the worry that I am no longer worthy of the hammer and could summon it all I like and nothing would happen.”

Clint smiled up at him, leaned his head into Loki’s hand. “You’re worthy,” he told him. “I know it.”

“You would find me worthy even in Hel,” Loki murmured, eyes glittering.

Next to them, Sif cleared her throat. They both simultaneously turned their heads to look at her. It was as creepy now as it had ever been. “If you’re going to just moon over each other, I’m going to leave.”

“Oh, dear Sif,” Loki started, but she held up a hand.

“That affectionate nickname thing you do to make people uncomfortable? Not having it. Now get up. He needs to walk.”

“I always did like assertive women,” Loki noted with amusement as he obeyed, moving to his feet and patting Clint’s hand as he moved out of the way.

Sif rolled her eyes at him and motioned for Clint to get up. “You don’t like anyone,” Sif said as Loki held out a hand for Clint to grab hold of while he got out of bed. “While you were unconscious, Loki sent me back to Asgard for a few hours so I could talk to Eir. She helped Odin after he drank from Mimir’s Well, so she had some idea of the aftereffects. She said Odin wasn’t nearly as affected as you were, he just had to sleep it off, so unless you slept for a long time, you should be fine. But you know Loki.”

Loki scoffed, tossing his hair over his shoulder as Clint pulled away from him to walk around the room. He’d only been unconscious for two days, so he was a little unsteady to begin with and then regained his balance. He stretched for a few minutes and then did a forward somersault and landed on his hands, pushing himself up into a handstand and walking forwards and backwards.

“Pretty sure I’m all better now, boss,” Clint said, rolling forward out of the handstand and popping back up onto his feet. “I’d tell you to stop worrying but I know that’s not possible.”

“Excellent,” Loki replied, sliding his hand over the back of Clint’s neck and pulling him out of the room, Sif following the two of them with an amused look on her face. “Now you can tell me what the Well showed you.”

Clint froze as they left the room and entered Loki’s vast library. It looked like even more books had joined the endless shelves and various stacks. Loki sent him an amused look and gestured Clint to the door out of the library.

“Well?”

Sif gathered up the last of their belongings and waited for them near the door.

“I’m not going to tell you,” Clint said finally, moving towards Sif. Loki frowned at him, reaching out to grab his shoulder and spin him around.

“Excuse me?” Loki hissed, glowering down at him. Clint grit his jaw and glared right back. “What is this? What did you see? You _will_ tell me.”

“No,” Clint replied simply. “I’m using a veto.”

“That does not apply—”

“Yeah, it does.” Clint sighed, shook his head. The future swanned out before him and he knew he couldn’t tell Loki. It was his own burden to bear. “I promise you that it’s not bad. But I have to take care of you, and to do that, I can’t tell you.”

Loki took a step back, mouth falling open for a moment before he remembered himself and snapped it shut again. _Clint, I...but I must know._

_I know,_ Clint replied softly, gently. _But you have to trust me on this._

Loki nodded slowly, searching his gaze. _Fine,_ he replied shortly. _I trust you._ He paused for a moment and then, unable to stop himself, asked, _Do you know what will happen after we die?_

_I know where to begin to find the answer, which I did not know before._

Loki moved to turn away, but Clint reached out and caught his hand. _I need you to promise me. I’ll compartmentalize it, and you can’t go looking. You have to promise._

Loki searched his face, eyes falling to the golden snake around his neck. _I promise,_ he murmured, leaning forward to press a kiss to Clint’s forehead. Clint let out a shuddering sigh and his hands came up to curl in Loki’s tunic, eyes sliding shut. _Hush. You are with me again. Nothing else matters._

_Oh, so you found Steve?_

Loki pulled back and smiled down at him. “Incorrigible,” he muttered, looking to Sif, who was pointedly ignoring them in favor of poking through one of Loki’s books. “Are you ready, Lady Sif?”

“Always, Sire.”

Loki slid an arm across Clint’s shoulders and pulled him up against his side. “Lead the way.”

* * *

They were growing closer to Steve, Loki could feel it. He had mapped out what they had found of Steve’s journey from Midgard, where he had traveled, the places he had gone and those he had spoken to. Most of his traveling was in the first months of his disappearance, during the first few months after Thanos. Something had changed, something that had made Steve stop his frantic race across the cosmos, but Loki knew not what.

He couldn’t find any sightings of Steve that were more recent. Nothing that came from the time Loki left Midgard to the present. It had been, what, four months by Midgard reckoning? Something had changed, something big.

The three of them continued to travel. They travelled further and faster than they had before, finding more signs and evidence of Steve. Loki knew they were missing something, missing something crucial, but he couldn’t _find it._ Clint was occupied by what he had learned from the Well and was pulling away from him, and Loki felt like he was falling apart at the seams. Had it really all been worth it?

What they did find was disconcerting—

They found places where planets were meant to exist, but did not. Empty hollows in space or planets destroyed to rubble and left to float out into the great empty. They found evidence of Galactus, evidence of Thanos, and evidence of the Power Stone.

Galactus and his herald, the Silver Surfer, were somewhere out there, finding planets for the giant cosmic entity to consume, but there was no correlation between them and Steve, so the three of them ignored it. Perhaps in the future they would meet Galactus, but for now, it was not their problem.

They continued on, finding a planet where Thanos had been. Thanos and his armies had destroyed half of all life there, lining everyone up and brutally massacring half of them before leaving. They did not even deal with the repercussions of what they had done to innocent people; they killed half of them and left for the next place. Gamora had said Thanos had only unleashed his destruction on a few dozen planets, and perhaps she was right or perhaps she had not been witness to all of them, but the stories the local inhabitants told of Thanos and his armies...it silenced even Loki.

There was nothing for them to do for those affected by Thanos. What Thanos had done was not undone by the change, which meant it was not influenced or altered by Thor. Or so they assumed; with both Thor and Frigga dead, there was no way to know. They had spoken to Thor in the Soul World and he had long passed madness and refused to answer.

They left that planet behind and continued on. Loki thought over Thor and the Soul Stone and what he knew had to be done.

Clint continued his own search. He knew what was going to happen, how it was all going to end, thousands of years in the future, and he knew what he had to do to get there. He looked for the answer, although he knew there was no other answer than Loki, and he looked for the path to who he was going to become. It was difficult, painful work; he had Loki’s memories, Loki’s knowledge, but who was he without his own memories? Was he still Clint Barton if he did not have the memories that made him Clint Barton? If he _knew_ intellectually that he had been a SHIELD agent but none of those memories, had he truly been a SHIELD agent? Or an Avenger? Or a friend?

He’d asked Sif about Natasha, and she’d told him what little she knew—they were friends, close friends, and they had been shield brothers. Natasha had gone with the Valkyrie back to Asgard after the war with Thanos to help with the cleanup; according to Sif, they had been the ones to transport Thanos’s body back to Asgard, along with the incomplete Infinity Gauntlet, as well as the fake one that Loki had been wearing and abandoned sometime during battle, and Thanos’s weapons. They had taken a few prisoners, the last of Thanos’s Children, and Balder had either sentenced them to death or to Asgard’s prisons.

But Natasha...from Clint’s understanding, the two of them were close as two people could be. Yet he didn’t know anything about her. Sif had described her for him, and there was some vague memory of her in Loki’s mind—something about kissing her hand?—and that was all Clint had. He knew she was a spy, had worked for SHIELD, something about a Red Room, and he remembered her hair was red when she wanted it to be, and not much else.

He didn’t remember anyone else, either. He’d lost his memories of Laura and the kids. He knew they’d existed and that they’d vanished after the change, but _knowing_ didn’t give him the memories.

He missed his kids. He missed his wife. He didn’t even know what they looked like and he missed them like he missed an organ. Or did he? Perhaps he missed them only because he thought he should. But he had a duty and that duty wasn’t to the past, not any of them, not any part of it.

His duty was to Loki and nothing else. He could _do_ nothing else. His very existence had been created to serve and protect and be loyal; what did a forgotten past matter when Loki _was_ all that mattered? What did anyone—Natasha, Laura, Steve, Sif, Stephen—matter when he had Loki? They were all extraneous, all secondary.

But he still missed them. He knew he should want nothing else other than Loki, and yet…

He thought about Steve Rogers and their frantic race across time and space to track him down. He thought about Sif, who came along because she had bound herself to Steve and loved him, although Clint wondered if she felt like she was really having to go above and beyond with how much time she had to spend with Loki. Pretty much no one deserved that.

He thought about Balder, who was kind and generous and beautiful and brave, and still probably the greatest King Asgard had ever seen. He thought about Balder, who had read Thor’s final words and still looked at Loki like...like a brother. Like Thor always should have. Not whatever his spell had turned him into. Not that laughing maniac locked in a box in the Soul World.

He thought about Stephen Strange, who he was so drawn to that he felt pulled towards him through the inexplicable distance of space. He thought about Stephen, who was brilliant and sure of himself and still convinced he had to carry the mantle of Sorcerer Supreme alone. He thought about Stephen’s shaking hands and his innate skill with seidr and his endless well of knowledge. He thought about Loki giving him his soul bond and he wondered if it had kept him alive, if that bit of Loki’s seidr had helped him stay standing through those long, dark six months. 

He thought about Steve again, lost somewhere out in the great unknown. He thought about their bonds, about the pain of Thanos ripping them away from him, about how all of them were lost without each other. Maybe that’s what Steve was running from—the pain of being alone. Loki still had enough of their bonds left to know that Steve was alive, but little else. Clint could feel the emptiness in Loki’s mind where their bonds had been, where he had once been holding them up.

He wanted to remember more. He wanted his life back, wanted it all back, wanted to know all those lives that came before. There was only so much information he could have when all his memories were of Loki.

He studied everything he could. He was still able to access Loki’s mind, thankfully, and was able to file through his memories to find much of the information he needed to serve his duties properly. But it wasn’t _enough_. It wasn’t. He would need to read through every book in Asgard and every book in Loki’s library and every book in Omnipotence City to regain all the knowledge he lost.

So what next? What came next?

The question that had plagued Clint before the battle with Thanos plagued him still. He knew what would happen at the end, at the next of it all, but what were the steps in between? 

Maybe Stephen would tell him. Clint considered that, and then thought about his relationship with the witch. Stephen loved him, that much was clear, and Clint thought that he could love the witch in return, someday. They both had bigger and greater things than each other and that helped the two of them be closer as well; there was no subterfuge, no misconceptions between them. They had stayed in occasional contact during the past four or five months after Clint left Midgard and Clint found himself missing the sly, witty man on the other end of the phone.

Stephen was smart and quick and Clint had some knowledge of his seidr skills, and while he was no Loki, he was the most talented and powerful seidrmadr on Midgard. Besides Wanda, maybe, but Clint didn’t really know what she was truly capable of. Stephen was smart and knew he was smart, but he managed to do it in a way that didn’t make Clint insecure, which was kind of impressive in Clint’s book. Maybe if they’d met before Loki, before Stephen became the Sorcerer Supreme…

He wondered what would have happened. He probably would’ve hated Stephen; the man was so prickly and antagonistic and arrogant and full of himself—it would’ve driven Clint nuts. He would’ve been immediately put off and would’ve had no reason to try and push past that exterior. Stephen still had his control issues but he was better about it; but Stephen was stubborn and determined and Clint would’ve probably secretly admired that. Education differences notwithstanding, they were similar in their abilities to see things that others could not. Stephen saw problems he could fix and Clint saw the same.

But the problems they encountered were different—Stephen’s tools were a scalpel and his hands, and Clint’s were a bow and arrows and whatever he could get his hands on. They were similar in that their hands were their life; who would Clint be if he no longer had use of his hands? Who would he be if he could no longer hold a bow? Stephen was lucky in that he had been able to repurpose his life towards something else, but what would Clint have been able to do? Norns, he probably would’ve ended up killing himself. SHIELD would’ve retired him from the field and stuck him in front of trainees and he would’ve taught about fighting styles or some garbage like that.

He shook his head at himself. No point in wondering about what could have been. He was soulbound to Stephen regardless of anything else that could happen. Loki had made that decision for him and Clint didn’t have a choice. 

It kind of felt like a weird honor, though. Stephen was the Sorcerer Supreme; couldn’t he have anyone? And he chose _Clint?_ Sheesh. Clint was just some guy with a bow.

Okay, maybe he was a little more than that.

Gentle fingers brushing over his forehead pulled Clint out of his thoughts and he blinked, tilting his head back to look up at Loki, who raised his eyebrows down at him. They were on the outskirts of some city on some planet that Clint hadn’t bothered to learn the name of, inside a wide, low-ceilinged hut that looked like it was made out of sticks and mud. Sif was asleep near the green fire on the opposite side of the hut, curled up in a ball underneath a blanket. She was just as exhausted as the two of them.

Clint sighed, turning his attention back up to Loki, leaning his cheek into Loki’s hand. Loki’s thumb brushed over his cheekbone.

_Something worries you,_ Loki murmured, green eyes roving over Clint’s face, and then Loki moved closer to him, kneeling down in front of him. Clint tipped forward, forehead pressing to Loki’s shoulder. Long arms wrapped around him and Clint sagged against him, letting Loki hold him up. _You seem to be growing stronger._

_Aye,_ Clint said, voice soft. He’d been growing stronger, true, but he felt like he’d reached a plateau and there was something invisible in the way, stopping him from his full strength. One of Loki’s hands came up and slid over Clint’s ears, disappearing his hearing aids. Clint let out a sigh of relief. _I...I miss Stephen._

_You poor thing,_ Loki crooned, almost sounding like he meant it. One hand stroked through Clint’s hair. _I suppose I can...understand the feeling._

He thought about their last life and the beginning of this one, where Loki was desperate enough to get away from Thor that he was willing to do anything, where Stephen had seemed like the only light in the shadow of Thor. _Is that where I got it? From you?_

Loki chuckled warmly into his mind. _How poetic. How cyclical. How delightful._

_I don’t know if it's cyclical if you’re the one who did it. Cyclical implies it’s fate or whatever._

_I think cyclical means whatever I want it to mean._

Clint smiled at that. _Yessir._

Loki moved them around so that he was leaning back against the wall and Clint could curl up in his lap. He had a sudden, almost irrational desire to be small, as if anyone could be safe in Loki’s arms.

One of Loki’s hands came up and cupped the back of his head. Clint let his eyes slide shut to the feeling of Loki’s fingers slipping beneath his skull and into his mind.

_I won’t show you the Well,_ Clint murmured, almost completely sunk down, feeling like he was swimming through molasses. _You can have anything else._

_I know,_ Loki murmured, the two of them standing in the forefront of Clint’s mind. Loki looked all over, at the way Clint’s mind had begun to repair itself and put itself back together. Then Loki began to move around, stroking his fingers over the walls and he stopped before the place where the bridge had been once to Loki’s mind. It had gone limp and cold and grey, the edges fluttering in an invisible bridge. Loki ran his fingers over the edge, Clint shuddering at the feeling. _You know,_ Loki murmured, _Thor hated you._

_Feeling’s mutual,_ Clint shrugged. _Can’t blame him._

_He_ hated _you._ Loki knelt before the broken bridge and Clint frowned at him, moving closer. _It was more than hate. He detested you. He knew we were bound, no matter what he did. The bond from the Mind Stone followed us wherever he dragged me. He told me he tried to pull us apart. He tried everything in his power to break the bond between us._

_Yeah,_ Clint said slowly, not quite getting what Loki was trying to say.

_He said it was like a spiderweb._ Loki reached out again and this time, one long finger found a single green strand and seidr raced up and down it, Clint gasping as it felt like his mind suddenly lit up a thousandfold. _There you are._


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A return to Utgard and Vormir, and their long journey comes to an end.
> 
> Or does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter officially puts us over 700k words! that's a lot! thanks so much everyone for coming on this journey with me, we still have a ways to go here but we've come a long way, wow

“And then I think we should hop back to the Tavern and Sif can go back to Asgard for a couple days and maybe Heimdall can send her to the rest of the Nine again just to see if anyone has seen Steve and—”

Loki reached out and put a hand over Clint’s mouth. “You need to stop,” Loki told him, tone mild. “I already have a plan. I have a good calendar of Steve’s journey and where he has been. I’ve begun to establish a pattern, which you would understand if you _listened._ ”

Clint nodded, eyes wide, and Loki’s hand fell away from his face. Clint managed to restrain himself for a few moments and then he blurted out, “Maybe we could split up for a week or two and—”

A blob of green seidr slapped over Clint’s mouth and summarily shut him up. Sif snorted at him and Loki shot him a pointed look. “That’s _enough,_ ” Loki told him. “If you don’t calm down, I’ll plug up your nose as well.” Clint sent him an interested look but purposefully sat down on the nearest cushion and closed his eyes, trying to center himself. His leg began shaking and Loki just shook his head.

“Next time,” Sif said, turning to gather up the last of her things, sounding thoroughly amused by the whole situation, “don’t give him all the seidr at once.”

“Yes,” Loki said tightly, motioning Sif towards his own belongings as well. “It seems that opening the door fully between us was a mistake. Not one I will make again.”

“Hopefully it helps you find Steve,” Sif said mildly with a shrug, moving quickly across the hut to pick up Loki’s clothes from the floor. “And hopefully he calms down soon, otherwise I’m going to deck him.”

Loki shot her a sharp look. “Perhaps you should,” he replied thoughtfully. “He has all of his seidr back, but he is still nowhere near as strong or as skilled with it as he was prior to the battle with Thanos. Perhaps a...an ass-kicking would settle him down.”

“You’d really let me?” Sif asked, stopping from what she was doing to stare at Loki. “I haven’t been able to get within arm’s reach of him since we left Asgard, and now you want me to beat him up?”

“Nothing I’ve done since finding the spiderweb between us has managed to calm him down,” Loki told her, like she hadn’t been there for half of it, “and it’s been a week.”

Sif let out a breath, finished cleaning up after Loki, and nodded. “I’ll do it,” she said, and Loki smiled.

* * *

Sif beat the absolute shit out of him.

It was pretty fantastic.

It took Clint two days to heal up, mostly because Loki refused to let him use any potions. They’d found an empty planet and an empty field covered in dark grey shale rock and Loki had counted them down and Sif had beaten him into the ground without much fanfare. Then she had pulled him to his feet, waited for Loki to count them down again, and beaten him up again. Again, again, and again, until Clint couldn’t stand and Loki had grown bored.

Then Loki had conjured up a tent for himself after clipping a seidr leash to the golden snake around Clint’s neck and tying it to a stake he stuck into the ground. He patted Clint on the head and left him to pant and bleed into the rocks and took Sif inside to heal her up.

They left him out there for a day and Clint laid on his back and stared up at the grey sky and the grey sun and the grey planet and felt his body slowly knit itself back together. The seidr brought him energy and almost a sense of his own self back and it also brought back _pain_. Pain like he’d forgotten he could feel. Pain exactly like what he needed to center himself and calm himself down. The lack of seidr he’d had previously had intensified pain, made it sharper, but this pain was different; it was what he felt when Loki brutalized him or fed him potions or cut through him, and it was precisely what he needed.

The leash vanished and Loki’s fingers stroked through his brain, seidr controlling his body for him, making him crawl into the tent and press his forehead to Loki’s feet. Loki ignored him as he and Sif talked about where they were going to go next, and Loki continued to ignore him as Sif made him dinner and ignored him while the two of them ate and shared a bottle of wine. Then Loki hauled him to his feet and stripped him and checked him over to see how he was healing and then sent him to bathe himself. Loki perched on the edge of the bathtub and watched him and pet Clint’s hair once he was done. Then he helped him out of the bath, dried him off, and took him to bed.

Clint did not dream, and when he woke the next morning, he was calm.

They went to Utgard to see the Watcher.

They walked over rocks and boulders and mountains and through streams. Clint climbed the peak of the tallest mountain they could find and leapt off the top, seidr wings catching him mid-fall and bringing him gently to the ground.

“Don’t even know I could do that!” Clint yelled as he ran to catch back up with Loki and Sif. “I was kinda hoping to just splat into the ground but—”

Loki held up a hand to silence him. “As much as I would enjoy seeing it,” he drawled, “now is not the time.”

Clint took a deep breath and slowly let it out, nodding. “Alright, yeah, my bad. So—the Watcher, right? What’d he say to you last time you were here?”

“He said I was there about Thanos, and that he saw futures. He also said, ah, ‘There comes a great reckoning. There comes a storm. A monster comes in the night. He stands alone, he waits.’ I have my theories on what each cryptic...divination could mean…” Loki trailed off, thinking.

Clint nodded. “Reckoning and monster comes in the night obviously mean Thanos. We were reckoned pretty hard, and Thanos did sneak up on us. Storm could be the past, maybe? Thor?”

“Or Steve,” Sif offered up. “He is the wielder of Mjolnir and the Thunderer.”

Loki grimaced at that, waving a hand. “Or it could mean the strange lightning storms on Midgard,” he muttered.

“Who stood alone?” Sif questioned.

“Thor,” Loki said, voice tight and low. “He stood alone on the Soul World. He stood at the edge of the world, staring out into nothing, just _waiting_. He did not even know I was there until I made a noise as I lowered myself to the ground, and then he turned to look at me.” He shuddered.

Clint frowned at that, feet coming to a stop as he thought, trying to drag a memory up from the blank depths of his mind. Loki and Sif frowned at each other and stopped as well, turning to look back at him.

“I could’ve sworn someone has told me that before,” Clint muttered, rubbing at his forehead. “Something about Thor.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Maybe seeing him somewhere? Fuck, no, it’s gone. But I could’ve _sworn_ it was there somewhere.” He started walking again and as he caught up with Loki and Sif, Loki gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. Clint rolled his eyes at him and elbowed him in the side.

“It will come,” Loki told him, steering Clint towards a rock he had to climb over. Sif shook her head at the two of them.

They soon came upon a clearing, and at the other end was a small hut, nestled in a copse of trees, smoke curling out of the hut’s chimney. The Watcher stood out front, large eyes turned to the sky, staring out into the vast galaxies and space. He was still dressed in the same open robe and pajama pants as he had been the last time.

“I am Loki,” Loki called forth, “and I am of Asgard, and I am here.”

The Watcher blinked once, turning his head on his long spindly neck to look at the three of them, and then he said, “And you are here.” He looked at the three of them as they stopped a couple yards away from him, Loki in front, Clint and Sif on either side of him. “I know these.”

Loki gestured to the two of them in turn. “Clint Barton and Lady Sif of Asgard,” he introduced. “Hail and well met.”

“We meet yet again,” the Watcher said, moving from his position and taking a step towards them. “Again and again.” He blinked again, looking at them with galaxies in his black eyes. “You have already found him.”

“Steve?” Loki asked, taking an aborted stride forward, Clint darting forward to grab his arm to yank him back. “What do you _mean_ —”

To their combined surprise, the Watcher did not turn his attention back to the stars. Instead he looked at each of them for a long moment, staring deep into their very souls, and he found them wanting.

Except for Clint. The Watcher’s eyes focused on him and he took another step closer, bare feet padding against the dirt.

“The Snake,” the Watcher hissed. “The end. The world-eater comes.”

Clint nodded. “I know,” he said softly. “I’ve seen it.”

“There comes a mighty storm.” The Watcher paused, licked his lips with his wide, dark tongue, blinking again, and then said, “It is not your fault.”

Clint took in a sharp breath, eyes wide.

“We have met before,” the Watcher told him, his voice slipping into layers upon layers of itself. “Again and again we meet. The answer you seek will not change. The end comes. You will be first.”

With that, the Watcher’s head tipped back on his long neck and his eyes returned to the endless cosmos.

“Fuck,” Clint breathed out, eyes falling to his shaking hands. “Is that all?” The Watcher did not answer, and Clint nodded to himself, saying, “Be at peace,” before either Loki or Sif could get it out. Loki put a hand on his shoulder and steered him away, Sif following behind them.

“I was supposed to get some cryptic riddle about Steve,” Loki said lightly, masking the peculiar tone of his voice.

“Seems I keep getting all the attention lately,” Clint replied weakly, trying and failing to keep his voice light.

“Why did he call you a snake?” Sif questioned, eyes falling to the golden snake around Clint’s neck. His fingers brushed over it almost without his knowledge.

“I don’t know,” Clint lied, slipping out from underneath Loki’s hand and gesturing for Loki to pull out the Tesseract. “He said we’ve already seen Steve. Now we just gotta retrace our steps.”

“That’s easily over a hundred planets at this point,” Sif said. “Steve wasn’t on a single one of them.”

“Perhaps the Watcher meant the signs of the Power Stone,” Loki offered up, pulling out the Tesseract and turning it over in his fingers, frowning at it. _You and I are going to talk about this._

 _I don’t know what it all meant,_ Clint replied with a visible, pained grimace. _But I know some of it. And it’s…_

 _What the Well showed you,_ Loki finished for him with a shake of his head, eyes lingering on the snake around Clint’s neck. He held up the Tesseract. “I have an idea.”

* * *

The Soul World was darker than it had been the last time, only a month or so ago. It drew upon Thor’s soul, contorting the world around him to punish him as much as Loki wanted, which was quite a great deal. Thor was gasping for breath, bound with chains inside a metal box that was slowly squeezing the life out of him.

Loki and Clint stopped in front of him. Sif had stayed back on Utgard, where they had gone far away from the Watcher and then entered the Soul Stone. Loki clasped his hands behind his back and looked down at what was left of his brother.

“Pitiful,” Loki muttered, disappearing the spell that spun out time, and then after considering it for a moment, he disappeared the box as well. Thor heaved in a great, heaving breath and then began to fight the chains keeping him bound. “Hello, brother.”

“Loki,” Thor grit out. “Let me out and I will give you a proper welcome.”

“You won’t get loose,” Loki told him, conjuring up a chair and taking a seat in it, primly crossing one leg over the other. He conjured up a floating tea set as well, pouring himself a cup and taking a sip. Conjured tea was unpleasant but drinkable. Clint stood off to his right hand, bow and arrow at the ready. “I come to...bargain.”

Thor sagged back against the chains, a smile slowly stretching across his face. The chains held his head in place but he strained against them, trying to look at Loki. “Finally come to your senses, then. Your place is with me.”

“Not quite,” Loki replied, taking another sip. “I know my place, and it is far from you.”

“Yet you come crawling back.” Thor let out a sudden, hacking cough. “As always. Now what is your _bargain?_ ”

“I offer you peace. Eternal, forever peace. In turn, you tell me if the Soul Stone came close to the Power Stone and what you saw.”

“Why only the Power Stone?” Thor asked. “I’ve seen the Tesseract as well. That was always your vice, wasn’t it, brother? The ability to eternally run.”

Loki smiled thinly at that. “I suppose I never told you, did I? The Tesseract is mine. As is the Soul Stone, and as briefly was the Reality Stone. Really, I could’ve made it so much worse for you, Thor. A few thousand years of being bound in a box is nothing compared to what I _could_ have done. Now, you’re going to tell me what I want to know and then I’m going to forgive you and bring you peace.”

 _The forgiving thing might be going a little too far,_ Clint piped up.

 _A little?_ Loki repeated. _As if I could. But let him believe it. What comes will only be so much sweeter._

Thor sighed. “Release me and we’ll talk.”

Loki cast Clint a sideways glance. Clint clenched his jaw and nodded, lifting his bow and arrow a little higher. Then Loki conjured a chair across from his, as well as a table between them, the tea set floating down to land on it. He lifted a finger and the chains binding Thor began to disappear into green sparks, Thor letting out a deep groan of relief, stretching out his arms and rubbing at the wounds left by the tight chains.

“Let me begin this with a warning,” Loki started, “you will not look at him. You will not speak his name. You do not acknowledge him at all and we can talk.”

Thor snorted, hauling himself to his feet. He looked around at the empty expanse of the Soul World around them, not looking at Loki or Clint. “What’s to stop me from—”

“I’m the Keeper,” Clint interjected. “I’m the one who sacrificed your soul. I answer to Loki, so the Stone does as well. But believe me, you’re not going to raise a hand to either of us.”

Thor scoffed but moved over to the chair across from Loki, holding the back of the chair in his hands. He stared Loki down, squeezing the chair until the metal began to creak and bend under his fingers. “Fine,” he bit out. “I’ll be _good._ ”

Loki didn’t dignify that with a response, merely motioning for Thor to sit, waiting until Thor complied to speak. “Now, Thor, tell me what you’ve seen.”

Thor tapped his fingers on the table, staring Loki dead in the eye. “You locked me in here and left me to rot.”

Loki shrugged one shoulder. “Aye. That I did. I would have left you for longer if I could.”

Thor frowned at that. “And a man such as Steve Rogers loves you? Someone who is so...honorary could see that you torture your dear brother so and still care for you? I thought him better than that.”

Clint and Loki both smirked at the same time. “You would be surprised what Steve likes.”

Thor’s head fell back as he laughed. Time had passed in the Soul World for him, but he had not changed. But what was a few extra hundred or thousand years to someone who had already lived over 100,000 of them? What was time to someone who had lived through so much of it? A thousand years was a minute or a second or a moment or a blink. But it had yet still done Thor no favors; he could no longer hide the wild, near-manic glint in his eye, nor the way his hands shook or his shoulders strained against where his bonds had been.

“You begged me for no different,” Thor told him with a dark smile. His mismatched eyes narrowed at Loki. “You think Steve _likes_ what he does to you? You think he does it through his own free will? No, Loki, I know you. You tricked him. You pretended like you didn’t like what I did to you but it turns out that was a lie all along, just like everything else. You always liked it. Didn’t I ever tell you how you begged?”

Loki’s mouth turned down and he nodded. He fiddled with his teacup and then reached out to refill it. “I doubt there is a man alive who can make Steve do anything he does not want to do,” he said, not looking up from his teacup. “But you can tell me all the lies you wish, Thor. I see through them.” Green eyes met blue and amber. “Now tell me where my husband is.”

Thor smiled. “An Infinity Stone is such peculiar seidr, isn’t it? We don’t truly understand them. Now, I wonder how an Infinity Stone that had permanently bonded with a person would react to such an explosion of seidr and shattering of bonds. But yes, I saw your Captain.” He pointedly looked to Clint, dragged his gaze up and down the archer’s body. “How interesting. You inspire such loyalty, brother, and yet you do not take what would be so freely given.”

Loki’s mouth turned down. “I thought I told you not to look at him.”

“Why else would you bring him if not for me to partake of him?”

Loki’s hand tightened around his teacup. Clint raised his bow and aimed the arrow directly at Thor’s blue eye. “He is not of your concern. For all you care, he does not exist to you. If you touch him, I will turn this place into a Hel that is beyond any imagination you may still possess. Now _look_ at me.”

Thor’s gaze was dragged away from Clint without his consent, the Soul World forcing him to listen to Loki’s demand. Clint lowered his bow and Thor snarled and tried to fight, muscles bulging, but the Soul World rendered him inert. “Fine,” he bit out. “I saw him.”

“I know. I need to know where.”

“What will you give me for it? Peace means nothing to me. I wouldn’t know it if I saw it.” Thor looked around the Soul World. “I can’t imagine how you could give me what I wanted in here.”

“I never said it would be here.”

Thor’s brow furrowed. “I am all that is left of Thor. I am barely even an entire soul. The spell took so much. If you remove me from the Soul World, you lose the Soul Stone. I know you wouldn’t give up that kind of power.”

“No,” Loki agreed, voice soft, “I wouldn’t. But I would sacrifice you to gain more power in a second. I would sacrifice you if it made my day a little more interesting, or if I was bored. I hold you in no regard, Thor. You are less important to me than the scum on my boot. But you have something I want, and I will go to any length necessary to find him.”

Thor pushed his chair away from the table and widened his knees, opening his legs. He gave Loki a slow, mean smile. “I believe you know precisely what I want, _brother._ ”

Loki let out an annoyed huff. “I gave you a chance to respond out of your own free will. Now _tell me,_ ” he demanded, seidr thrumming through the air, the Soul World pressing down on Thor and forcing the answer out of his mouth.

“The Tavern,” Thor said through his teeth. “He appeared right as you walked out. He didn’t even see you, but I saw him, just a glimpse. He looked...well, I hope I get to see the surprise on your face.”

“You won’t have a chance,” Loki replied, pushing to his feet. He waved his hand and the chairs and table disappeared, Thor crashing to the ground and making a small splash in the water. Clint moved forward, taking his spot at Loki’s right hand. “This is your last chance to say something to me.”

Thor laughed at that, laying back against the ground, stretching his arms out through the water. “I hope you’re not fishing for an apology. I thought you better than that.”

Loki nodded, face drawn and tight. “Very well,” he said, pausing for a moment. He glanced at Clint, who searched his face and then nodded. “I lied.” Thor sat up, water dripping down his hair and sliding over his face. He didn’t bother to wipe it away as he looked up at Loki. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to you, or when your reckoning will come. I don’t particularly care. But I hope you suffer.”

Loki and Clint vanished without a sound, but Thor’s bellow of rage followed them, echoing throughout the otherwise empty Soul World.

* * *

The Intergalactic Tavern was fairly empty, only a few other customers keeping to themselves around the room. The three of them paused in the doorway, all of them looking towards the lone human sitting at the far end of the bar, a solitary drink in front of him, looking drawn and exhausted and worn out. He looked up just a moment after they walked in, sensing them.

Loki’s knees quivered but he steeled himself and walked forward. The robotic bartender’s many arms moved quickly as it made drinks for the three of them, sliding them down the bar close to where Steve was sitting.

“Husband,” Loki greeted, his voice quiet and torn, as he stepped up and looked down at Steve’s face for the first time in nearly a year. He fought the urge to kneel.

Steve let out a tired breath and checked the strange, alien watch on his wrist. It seemed to be counting down towards something, but what? There were strands of purple power wrapped around his right hand and up around his arm and beneath his skin. He lifted the drink in front of him with a shaking hand and took a long drink.

Then he turned to look up at Loki, who hastily sat down and reached out for him. Steve smiled and took Loki’s hand, turning it over to run his fingers over the ring on Loki’s ring finger. Steve’s finger was noticeably empty, but he brought his other hand up to pull a necklace out from underneath his jacket, showing that he still had his ring. “I’ve missed you,” Steve said, Loki nodding slowly in agreement, eyes still wide in shock. Steve sounded exhausted, bags under his eyes and a pinch to his mouth. “You have fourteen minutes.”


	7. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On and on.

“Pardon?” Loki questioned with a frown. “Fourteen minutes?”

“Y’know, my memory is kind of trashed, but since when are you so small?” Clint spoke up. “What the hell happened to you, Steve?”

Steve let out a worn out chuckle. His eyes traced over Loki’s face and he smiled slightly. “Things changed, right? When Thanos died? Well…” He motioned to himself with his free hand. “I think the serum wore off or was rendered inert by Thor’s spell, or maybe whatever Thanos ripped out of Clint somehow got hold of the serum as well.” He was small and frail and thin. He squeezed Loki’s hand and then dropped it, bringing his hand up to cup the back of Loki’s neck. “I...God, I’ve missed you every day.”

“Why did you run?” Loki asked, voice soft.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Steve sighed. He let out a hoarse laugh that turned into a cough, pulling his hand away from Loki to cover his mouth. He pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and wiped it over his mouth, panting for a moment. Then he checked his watch again and let out a tired sigh. It was a peculiar watch, clearly alien in nature from anything on Midgard or Asgard, and when he looked at it, a small projection appeared, counting down to zero. Steve rubbed his right hand over his face, small tendrils of purple clinging onto his skin for a few moments before disappearing. He grimaced down at the Power Stone embedded in his palm and shook his head.

“You look tired,” Loki tried, unsure of what to do. His hands grasped around empty air and he fisted them in his lap to hide the way they shook.

“Understatement of the century,” Steve replied, a brief smile flickering over his thin face. “I passed tired a long time ago. But you found me. Shouldn’t be too hard for you to find me again.”

“Again?” Loki parroted, brow furrowing. “Why would you leave? Steve, I’ve been looking for _months_. Midgard is in chaos, Asgard needs you...Steve, _I_ need you. You cannot leave again.”

“I wouldn’t leave if I had a choice,” Steve replied guardedly, but he took another sip of his drink and then turned fully in his seat, reaching out with both hands to take Loki’s hands. Loki’s mouth turned down as he looked at their hands, his own hands dwarfing Steve’s smaller, thinner ones. What had _happened_ to him? Why did the end of his search feel like he had still failed? He could feel the broken bonds in his chest shaking and trembling with the need to connect again, and by the look on Steve’s face, he felt the same. His hands tightened weakly around Loki’s. “I miss you _so much_ , Loki. I...all I want is to go home with you.”

“Then come back with me. We will go to Asgard now. Eir will check you over and you can speak with Balder and—”

The countdown on Steve’s watch reached zero and Steve sighed, squeezing Loki’s hands before dropping them. He greedily searched Loki’s face as the purple light wrapped around his hand and arm and shoulder and underneath his shirt began to brighten and light up. “Promise you’ll find me again.”

“Of course,” Loki said, reaching out with his seidr only to be violently rebuffed by the Power Stone. “Steve, what is going—”

Steve vanished in a flash of purple light. The robotic bartender buzzed over and removed his half-empty glass without any fanfare.

“Huh,” came Clint’s voice a few moments later. “There’s no way he was always that small, right?”

“No,” Sif said, a frown in her voice. “Something is wrong. Very wrong.”

Loki buried his head in his hands.

* * *

Clint raised a silencing ward to cover the sound of Loki destroying yet another house he’d conjured. They were on one of the nameless, empty planets that they’d found in their search, dragged there by Loki in a panic after Steve had disappeared, and Loki had immediately begun conjuring up things to destroy in rage. Sif was staying out of the way, trying to figure out what Steve had been talking about. He hadn’t even looked at her and she’d been searching for him for a year.

“You think the Power Stone has something to do with it?” came Stephen Strange’s deep voice through Clint’s phone.

“It’s my only working theory right now,” he sighed. “Stephen, he looked...I didn’t realize someone could look that bad. He was so _small._ ”

“There’s a few surviving pictures of Steve before he was given the serum,” Stephen replied. “I’ll find one and send it to you. I hadn’t even...I don’t know why none of us realized there was anything different about him after the change. But I remember that before he left Earth, he was still...big Steve, I guess you’d say.”

“He obviously still has some access to seidr,” Clint said, wincing as Loki let out a deep, primal scream, Sif rushing towards him.

“Was that Loki?”

“Yeah. Ripped right through my silencing ward. Sif’s got him. The change was immediate for everyone else, why would he still have been big Steve? The only thing I can think of is seidr.”

“Perhaps an immediate defense mechanism. Will you be able to find him again? I can come help if you need. I can leave Earth for a few days.”

“As much as I miss you, I think Loki would lose it if you managed to find Steve before he did.” Stephen snorted at that. “And Loki tagged him with seidr, so tracking him down shouldn’t be too hard. I’m just—I just needed to talk to someone.”

“You’ll find him,” Stephen assured him. “Let me know when you do and I’ll come.”

“Why are you so eager to get away from Midgard? Something happen?”

“I haven’t seen you in four months.”

“It’s been that long?” Clint whistled. “If you’re really that horny, I can send you more pictures—”

“No!” Stephen blurted out. “No, it’s not that. I mean, I won’t turn them down, but, Clint, you’re telling me that Steve Rogers was somehow reverted back to the form he held before the serum. My understanding of the serum, which is greater than the average person’s, by the way, given that I am a doctor and read quite extensively about him, was that it changed him permanently. So the reversion is quite literally newsworthy, and I still remember him as Captain America, which means I don’t think it has anything to do with Thor’s spell.”

Clint made a curious sound at that. “Huh. Loki’s working theory was that Thor messed with the serum somehow and it wore off. Even Cap mentioned Thanos might’ve had something to do with it.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “He kept saying he didn’t have a choice, but who in the world could make Steve do something he didn’t want to do?”

“I don’t know,” Stephen replied quietly. “There were a lot of things I didn’t think possible until recently.”

Clint nodded to himself, eyes tracking Loki as he tore through a conjured building with his bare hands. Sif stood off to the side, hands white-knuckled around her spear, a frown on her face, black hair fluttering around her face from the force of Loki’s seidr. “I should probably get goin’, Doc. I’ll let you know if we find him. And I’ll send you more pictures.” He hung up before Stephen could say anything, tugging down what was left of the silencing ward and moving towards Loki.

Loki had stripped down to his linens, armor and tunic and pants strewn across the ground, chest heaving and a snarl on his face. Sif was keeping an eye on him but was clearly flustered; seeing someone in their linens was more intimate than catching sight of them naked, and she had certainly seen Loki naked before. Clint tucked his phone into the bag on his belt and stopped next to Sif.

“I’ll handle him,” Clint told her. “I’ll send you to Asgard or somethin’.”

“Natigus wished to be kept updated,” Sif said, clearing her throat uncomfortably and looking down at him. “Send me to Jotunheim.”

“Yes ma’am,” Clint replied cheekily, summoning the Tesseract from Loki’s seidrspace and holding it up. Loki’s head swung around and green eyes pinned him in place. “This shouldn’t take too long, but I’ll give you a day or so. Say hi to everyone for me.” Clint activated the Tesseract and sent Sif away, putting the cube into the bag on his belt before turning his attention to Loki. “Alright, boss. Let’s take care of this.”

Clint took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then stepped forward into the fray.

Loki’s seidr had created a small storm, wind cycling around him in a cyclone, pieces of conjured debris swirling around him, and in the middle, Loki, furious and grieving and ready to take it out on Clint. Everything whirling around flew right past him without hitting him, but Clint pulled his hearing aids out anyway just in case. Loki had a potion he wanted to try to see if he could fix Clint’s hearing and Clint didn’t want to give him a chance to use it; the side effects weren’t something Clint was looking forward to.

_You gonna calm down?_ Clint asked, stopping a couple yards away from Loki in the center of the seidr cyclone. _This isn’t helping us find Steve._

_Steve,_ Loki spit out, seidr fire racing up his arms, singeing his tunic. _That wasn’t Steve._

_Pretty sure it was._ Clint took a couple steps closer, reaching a hand out, palm up. _You’d know him blind, deaf, in death. You’d know him no matter the skin he wore, no matter the place or time. If that wasn’t Steve, I would’ve killed him on the spot._

_How would you even know?_ Loki muttered, turning away from him.

_Because you knew,_ Clint replied simply. _Because when you saw him, your souls reached out for each other. Because you’ve been lost for five months and when you saw him, you suddenly found yourself home. I know because it was exactly the way I felt when I saw you after six months of trying to die._

That gave Loki pause, swinging his head around to look at Clint. The seidr cyclone around them began to slow, debris falling to the ground and disappearing. _But he was so..._ small.

_We’ll figure it out. Imagine how he feels—he’s lost everything, Loki. He’s out there alone, in a body he doesn’t recognize, isn’t his anymore, and obviously something is controlling him. We don’t know what it is, but I think it’s connected to the Power Stone, if not the Stone itself. It’s been nearly a year._ Clint moved closer and caught one of Loki’s hands in his own. He turned Loki’s hand over and stroked his fingers over his wedding ring. _He kept the ring, Loki. He lost everything, but he kept that. That’s Steve Rogers if I’ve ever seen him._

_You don’t even know anything about Steve,_ Loki muttered, but he was clearly warming up, the whirling air slowing down even further. He brought up his other hand and clasped it over Clint’s.

_I know what you know,_ Clint told him. _Which is enough. If Steve is anything like what you think of him...I’d be in love with him too._

Loki rolled his eyes at that. _You have your doctor, leave me my captain._

_That reminds me,_ Clint said with a sharp grin, _Stephen said he wanted some pictures of me. Wanted to see if you’d take them. You can probably get a better angle than I could._

Loki scoffed and pulled away, looking around at the debris he’d scattered around. He let out a long breath and waved a hand, clearing it all up in a moment. _I’ll do that for you if you videotape Steve and mine’s first night together after I find him again._

Clint just smiled at him, shaking his head. He went around, picking up Loki’s clothes, and then turned back to look at him. The sun on the unknown, empty planet was far away and cast the sky silver, and Loki stood in the breeze left over from his seidr fit, long black hair fluttering around his face. He was dressed only in his linens and his boots, but he still looked every inch a prince. Clint smiled at the sight, worry seeping away. They’d be fine. Whatever else came their way, they’d be fine.

_I’ll figure something else out,_ Clint told him, bringing Loki his clothes and helping him into them. He knelt down to take Loki’s boots off and Loki carded long fingers through his hair. _I don’t need you seeing what Stephen likes, anyway._

Loki cast him an interested look. _Oh? You know I already have experience in that field, yes?_

Clint snorted. _Believe me, Stephen likes a lot more than what another version of him did to you._ Loki did up his pants while Clint adjusted his socks and then slid each foot into a boot, tightening down the buckles.

_I am glad to hear it,_ Lok told him, helping Clint to his feet. He stopped Clint’s hands from pulling on his tunic and tilted his chin up to look him over, examining his face as if he could disappear at any moment. _Clint, I...I would be lost without you._

_Yeah, you would,_ Clint agreed. _But don’t worry. I’m not goin’ anywhere._

Loki gave him a brittle smile. _Good,_ he murmured, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Clint’s forehead. Clint’s eyes fluttered shut and he leaned forward as Loki tucked his chin over the top of his head and held him close.

_You calm yet?_

_I believe so. Let’s go figure out what to do about Steve._

_You know where he is?_

Loki pulled away and Clint helped him into his tunic. _I’ll find him._

* * *

Clint went to Jotunheim two days later to pick Sif up. He looked tired but incredibly pleased with himself, and he spent a few hours updating Laufey on what they’d been doing the past few months. Sif had stayed mostly with Natigus and Byleistr, talking with them about Steve and their journey to find him, as well as finally finding him in the Intergalactic Tavern.

Natigus believed that Steve had not left of his own accord, or if he had meant to leave, it was not meant to be for so long. He couldn’t imagine a situation where Steve would leave behind people who needed him, even if it was in search of Loki. Byleistr agreed with him, but had also offered up the opinion that Steve had lost control of himself, or his seidr, or the Power Stone, when Loki had vanished. Sif had watched as Byleistr looked up at Natigus and realized she had never asked why the fire giant was on Jotunheim to begin with, but it soon came clear that Jotunheim would be celebrating yet another betrothal soon, and it would be good for peace in the Nine Realms to unite Muspelheim and Jotunheim.

Clint finished speaking with Laufey and joined Sif, Natigus, and Byleistr in an antechamber off the side of the throne room, where they were sitting around a table. Sif saw him first, waving him over and pushing a mug of mead into his hands before he even sat. Byleistr greeted him excitedly and Natigus raised a hand to him as Clint sat across from them, next to Sif.

“Where’s Helblindi?” Clint asked, picking at Sif’s half-eaten plate until she rolled her eyes at him and just shoved it over.

“He and Aegir went to Aegir’s home,” Byleistr replied, gesturing for Clint to take as much of the fish and greens from the middle of the table as he wished. Clint smiled at him and obliged, filling up an empty plate and refilling Sif’s plate for her. “Aegir will be moving to the palace now that they are officially betrothed.” Clint nodded, refilling his mug from the pitcher in the middle of the table. Byleistr smiled, looking down into his cup. “I am pleased that our family has expanded so much in the past few years. I went from a lonely youngest son to having more brothers than I could count.” Natigus let out a bellowing sigh, a burst of flame shooting from his mouth, and he patted Byleistr gently on the shoulder. “Now if only Steve could return.”

“Balder has not asked for you to return to Asgard?” Clint queried, looking between the two of them.

Byleistr shook his head. “He has allowed me to stay away for the past six months due to Helblindi’s betrothment, but I will be needed there again soon. He is far too generous a King.”

Clint nodded, looking to Natigus, who replied, “I pledged myself to Prince Steve. If he is not upon Asgard, nor must I be.”

“Makes sense,” Clint said with a shrug. He turned his attention to Sif to ask, “You updated them on everything?”

“As much as I felt was necessary. We located the Prince but he seemed under duress and vanished from our sight. I offered up the theory that Steve is not in charge of his actions and was being controlled by some outside force, perhaps the Power Stone.”

“I must say I agree,” Natigus offered up. “The Power Stone requires constant focus and determination to control. It is a difficult partnership. If Steve’s focus slipped for even a moment, the Power Stone could overpower him.”

Clint nodded, thinking that over. “It’s permanently bound to him, right? That’s probably the most plausible possibility. Loki and I spent the past two days building a map and tracking his locations. We’re figuring out a pattern and narrowing down his whereabouts.” He cleared off his plate and belched. “Loki’s building a trap for him right now.”

“May I join you on your journey?” Natigus asked. “I am willing and able to offer my services to the Prince.”

Sif and Clint exchanged glances, and then Clint shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, why not. Your, uh, dad is fine with this? The King?”

Natigus shot out a gust of hot air and flame as he laughed. “What would he do? I pledged my flame to Steve.” Whenever he moved on the ice bench, steam rose in great plumes about him. Byleistr seemed to not notice, but his cheeks were a bit flushed. “Muspelheim does not have the same succession line as Asgard, nor Jotunheim. The Kingship goes to whoever kills the prior King, or if it is passed, it is given to whoever the King believes the most worthy. Being a Prince has no bearing on whether or not I will be the next King. Nor would I want it.”

He probably should’ve known that already. He really needed to brush up on his Nine Realms history. Norns damn it to Hel. “Makes sense,” Clint replied. “Yeah, come with. It’ll be good to get one over on Loki. Maybe you can scare him or somethin’ for me.”

“It would be my pleasure,” Natigus told him. “Do we leave soon?”

“Let me finish eating,” Clint said. “Then we’ll head out.”

“Ah,” Byleistr blurted out, pushing to his feet. He caught Natigus’s hand in his own. “A guard will bring you to my quarters once you wish to leave.”

Clint and Sif exchanged amused looks as Natigus and Byleistr rushed out of the room.

“You been good?” Clint asked her once they were alone. Sif nodded, sipping at her calopium tea. “You’re just quiet.”

“I worry,” Sif replied, voice quiet. “Steve told me of the serum once, how it changed him, but I did not realize he was so...very small. And now he is out in the galaxy alone and unguarded. I know he has survived nearly a year alone but I should have been with him.”

Clint nodded, gaze searching her face. “You’ll be with him from now on,” he told her. “What was it I said before the battle with Thanos?”

A brief smile flickered across her drawn face. “They die first,” Sif told him. “It is our duty to be there in the end. ”

A pained grimace creased Clint’s face for barely a moment before he schooled it away. “Yep,” he said, “and it’s an honor. We’ll get him back, don’t worry. Loki isn’t letting him get away a second time.”

Sif smiled, draining her cup. “I will follow Steve to whatever bitter end comes,” she told Clint, not looking at him. “I sought him across the stars and through space and through time if it was asked of me. I pledged my life to his no differently than yours is tied to Loki’s.”

“I’m glad he has you,” Clint told her. _He’s going to need you,_ was what he didn’t say, thinking about the future and the vast expanse of time yawning out before him and what would inevitably come at the end of it all. But the two of them got up and left the room and while Sif went to go collect her belongings from her temporary rooms, Clint went outside to stand in the silver sun and the snow and look out at all the cold and ice and not let himself think about why he wasn’t cold.

* * *

To Clint and Natigus’s shared dismay, the fire giant sneaking up behind Loki didn’t scare him. He merely raised an eyebrow at the giant’s appearance and turned his attention back to the spell he was crafting. Clint and Natigus shared forlorn looks while Sif rolled her eyes at the both of them.

They were on Ydallir, the home of the god Ullr, an old Aesir who had once been the god of archery. Clint went off with them for awhile while Loki worked on his spell and continued to track Steve, Natigus and Sif helping him. Natigus was not particularly seidr inclined, but he had been raised in Muspelheim’s armies and was adept at strategism and military tactics, and helped devise a plan to narrow Steve’s location down.

They were inside Loki’s library, inside one of the antechambers, where Loki had put up a massive map along the various walls of the room. The map was of the various known locations they had found evidence of Steve, as well as the places Steve had gone after he had left the Tavern. Loki had tagged him with a bit of seidr when he had touched him and was able to follow him. Sif watched the map for any sighting of Steve—when he landed somewhere, a small green dot appeared—and tagged it with a sticky note.

A pattern was beginning to develop, a very worrying pattern. Steve journeyed to a few specific planets, none of which seemed to be for any specific reason, and he cycled through them every few days. To their shock, he even went to the Isle of Silence and was not seen or noticed by anyone, even Heimdall. He didn’t spend any longer than a few hours in any one location, and moved at all times of the day or night.

Each time any of them went to a planet to try and find him, he left right before one of them appeared. Loki was working on a trap and Natigus helped him, the two of them spending many hours over the days and weeks on it.

They developed a plan based on Steve’s actions. He went between ten or so planets, but the easiest place to catch him would certainly be the Isle of Silence. Natigus could wait for him there as long as he needed to, and Loki developed a spell that would blanket the Isle in seidr to trap Steve there for long enough for Loki to figure out what was causing the problem.

There was no rhyme or reason to the places Steve went. Loki sent Clint to them to see if he was talking to the native inhabitants or _anything_ , and half the places he went were empty or had not even seen him. On the others, Clint found a few inhabitants that had seen Steve and were terrified of him, speaking of purple seidr and some great strength that had leveled buildings and nearly killed some of them.

None of them spoke of Mjolnir, nor lightning, nor thunder.

Sif was the first to raise the possibility of Mjolnir having been destroyed, something that Loki rudely and meanly shot down. The hammer was no longer tied to Thor in any of their minds; it was Steve’s, and Loki had no desire to think about what could destroy something indestructible. Surely Steve had put the hammer in a pocket dimension or was not using it; it could not be lost, or worse, in someone else’s hands.

Clint spent over a week with Ullr while the other three tracked Steve down. The former god of archery was no less a master of the bow than Clint himself, and Ullr was the only other being who had ever been able to pull the draw on the Aesir bow Loki had gifted Clint with. Ullr also gave him a few gold and silver arrows that were spelled to multiply as needed, as well as turn into whatever arrowhead he needed, and would return to his quiver once they had achieved their goal. He tied a bit of seidr to each of the arrows and spent a day practicing with them, performing all sorts of tricks and refining his skills that he hadn’t had much chance to practice over the past year.

Ullr was old, nearing 6500, and they were curled over and wizened, with a long white beard and short white hair and sharp brown eyes. They wore brightly colored tunics and trousers, usually padding around in bare feet, and they were sharp as a tack and funny to go along with it. Clint didn’t really ever get a chance to be around other archers for long amounts of time and it was nice to talk to someone who appreciated the craft as much as he did.

Clint’s greatest strengths lied in the fact that he was adaptable and able to quickly think his way through any obstacle presented to him. He was quick and sharp and had dedicated his life—lives, technically, many thousands upon thousands of them—to being the greatest marksman on Midgard. He was certainly coming close to being the greatest marksman in all of the Nine Realms, and was certainly the best in Asgard. But he was no Ullr—the Aesir was god of archery for a reason.

When Loki called him back, Clint and Ullr spent a few hours talking before Clint left. They spoke of history, of loyalty, and most of all, of archery. Ullr bequeathed him a few of their bows, one made of yew and another made from seidr.

The two of them stood underneath a yew tree near the edge of a lake. In the middle of the lake, there was a small island, with a very small target placed on it.

Ullr used a cane to walk, hunched over as they were, and they moved slowly and carefully through the world, every step tired and difficult. But when they picked up a bow, their back straightened and their shoulders found strength again and they were firmly planted upon the earth. Clint wondered if that would ever happen to him, if he would become someone else and only be himself when he found a bow in his hands.

“It’s an impossible shot,” Ullr said, drawing back an arrow and raising their bow to the sky. “I have tried for centuries.”

Clint nodded, readying his own Aesir bow, the sun glinting off the silver arrow he nocked, aiming at the miniscule target on the small island very far away. “What will you give me when I hit it?”

Ullr chuckled. “Whatever you want.”

Breathe in.

Pull the draw.

Back muscles tighten and lock.

Aim.

Loose.

Breathe out.

What made hitting the target on the small island so incredibly, impossibly difficult was that there were various unpredictable air currents around the lake. Ullr had studied them for centuries and still could not predict them, and once they thought they’d figured them out, the air currents changed again. Coupled with the lake being rather large and the island being small, and the target being even smaller, it was a shot that not even the god of archery could make.

The target in the middle of the lake exploded into confetti as Clint’s arrow pierced it, hitting it dead on.

Ullr lowered their bow, not even attempting the shot. They turned to look at Clint, eyes wide, mouth agape. “I see why Loki prizes you so,” they murmured, shaking their head.

Clint shrugged one shoulder. He held out a hand and the silver arrow reappeared in his palm. He held it up and looked it over. “Bet you could make it if you got your eyes checked,” he offered, smiling when Ullr rolled their eyes. “Alright, maybe not. But I may not look it, but I’ve got a few years on you. Been doing this for a long time. Hel of a long time.”

Ullr nodded. The two of them clasped one another’s forearms and Clint bowed in thanks before he jogged off back to where they had set up camp. Loki was waiting for him, pretending like he hadn’t missed Clint over the past week.

One of Loki’s hands cupped the back of his head and tipped it back so Loki could look him over. _How was it?_

_Oh, you know._ Normal. He held out a hand and the few arrows that Ullr had given him appeared in his palm, and he pulled out the two bows from his pocket dimension. Clint handed them over before Loki could even ask. _They gave me these. They’re enchanted. Pretty neat._

Loki looked them over, pulling away from Clint to hold the arrows up to the sun. _Made of Aesir gold and Nidavellir silver. Uru tips._ He smirked. _My, you must have impressed them very thoroughly for such kingly gifts._

Clint chuckled. _What can I say,_ he replied. _Folks tend to like me._

_All evidence suggesting otherwise and yet, they still do._ Loki handed the arrows back and Clint slid them into the quiver on his back. Loki glanced over the two bows and fiddled with the seidr one for a few minutes before handing them both back, Clint putting them back into his pocket dimension. _Come. We leave soon to find Steve_.

_Great,_ Clint said, slinging an arm around Loki’s waist as they walked back into the hut Loki had conjured up for them. The hut was empty but there was a gateway opened to Loki’s library. Loki brushed his fingers over Clint’s cheek before leaving him to go back into the library. Clint dropped his weapons onto the unmade bed that was obviously Loki’s—there were three beds, and of course Loki would have the green one and it wasn’t like the god had ever had to make a bed himself—and changed out of his more formal wear into a hoodie and loose leggings. He kicked off his boots and conjured himself up some purple slippers and then joined them in the library.

Clint stared up at the spell Loki was crafting. It was huge, meant to completely encompass the entirety of the Isle of Silence. Sif got him caught up on where Steve had been over the past week and they thought Steve would be on the Isle of Silence in no less than three days.

“It’s all come down to this, huh,” Clint muttered, tracing Steve’s path through the galaxies. “How long do you think he’s staying here?” Clint asked Sif, pointing at Steve’s most recent location. “Why can’t I just hop over there and talk to him?”

Loki’s mouth turned down and he made a dismissive motion with one hand, keeping most of his attention on his spell. Natigus lumbered across the room towards Clint, red-hot eyes roving over the map. “I sent Sif on that very same journey,” Loki said finally. “It did nothing.”

“Sure, but Cap and I are bound. Or were bound. Like seidr bound, not just bond bound.” He thought that sentence over in his head and made to continue, but Sif interrupted.

“Steve and I are bound by blood,” Sif told him, voice harsh. “I bound my very life to his. What greater bond do you hold to him, _human?_ ”

“Whoa,” Clint said, holding his hands up. “I held their marriage bonds. Sif, there’s no competition here. I know we’re all on edge but come on, we’ve gotten along this far.”

She glared at him but gave him a slow nod, pointedly turning her attention back to the map. “I am more than my bond to Steve,” Sif finally said, not looking at any of them.

Loki shot Clint a pointed look and Clint sighed, rubbed a hand over his face. “I know,” Clint told Sif. “We’re all more than our relationship to Steve, but he’s the problem we have to solve right now. What’s this about, then?”

“I am an expert tracker and hunter. One of Asgard’s greatest warriors. But I’m reduced to staring at a map of planets as my prince runs from me.”

“Yeah, alright. We’re all feeling helpless, so I get it. Why don’t...you want to go fight again? Or maybe you and Natigus can go spar?”

“I will fight you, my lady,” Natigus offered up.

Sif’s head swung around and her eyes narrowed at the fire giant. “Fine,” she grit out, and the two of them left Loki’s library, grabbing their weapons out of the hut before racing each other outside, the loud clashing of swords and spears echoing before the door shut.

Clint shook his head and turned his attention back to Loki, who looked more irritated than normal. “Want me out too?”

“No,” Loki muttered, motioning him over with his head. “Sif has been growing more and more unsettled over the past few weeks.” Clint hadn’t really noticed. Huh. “She is...unused to peacetime. A warrior of Asgard has very few years when they are not fighting, especially such a close compatriot of Thor. But we will find Steve soon and we will all be calm again.”

Clint cast him a sideways look. “How bad has it been for you?”

Loki’s mouth thinned. “I am fine,” he muttered. “I have made it this long.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

Loki shot him a nasty look and Clint just raised his eyebrows at him. “How is Stephen?”

“Haven’t talked to him in a week or two. He’s probably fine, though. If you really think that’s more pressing than what’s going on with you, I can text him.”

Loki let out a harsh breath. “I am...struggling. It has been far more difficult than I previously thought it would be with Steve gone. But I will have him back soon and hopefully I will be calm again.”

Clint nodded, turning his attention to the spell. “Alright, boss. Let me know if you need anything. Now tell me how this wild thing is supposed to work.”


	8. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey ends. Welcome home, Steve Rogers.

“I temporarily bound the spell to the Tesseract,” was the first thing Steve Rogers heard when he finally woke up, groaning against the thrumming pain in his head. “That’s why your head hurts, and why you have stopped running.”

“Loki?” Steve breathed out, barely daring to believe it.

He blinked a few times as Loki came into focus, a stern look on the god’s face as he leaned over Steve. He looked thinner and more drawn than Steve remembered, sharper and more severe, but the sharp look faded away as he looked over Steve. Steve sighed and tried to reach up a hand to touch him, but it felt like his hands were bound. He struggled weakly against the bonds and tilted his head down to see that he was resting in a white bed with white sheets, held down by thin strips of green seidr. Loki’s seidr. Steve relaxed at the feeling, breath catching in his chest. 

“Yes, my Captain,” Loki said, reaching out a hand to turn Steve’s right hand over, poking at the embedded Power Stone and trailing his fingers over the permanent purple strands twirling up his arm. “I see that my theory about the Power Stone was right.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, not being able to pay attention to anything other than Loki. “Wait, what theory?”

“Why have you been on the run for a year, Steve? Why did you leave Midgard?”

“Can I sit up?”

Warm, rough hands helped him sit up and Steve turned his head to see Clint, who looked different than Steve remembered him but a little better than how he’d looked in the Tavern, and Steve tried to smile at him, but his lungs caught in his chest and he began coughing. His hands were bound so he couldn’t cover his face, but Clint brought up a handkerchief for him. Clint propped him up against a pillow and then fed him a few sips of _heill_ potion, which helped to calm his lungs back down and ease the tightness in his chest.

“Thanks,” Steve rasped. “Asthma is a real bastard.”

Clint nodded, didn’t say anything. He held up a glass of water and Steve drank half of it before he turned his head away. Clint watched him, dark eyes steady on Steve’s face, and then Loki made an irritated noise, dragging Steve’s attention back to him.

It was almost overwhelming to see him again. It had been _so long_ and Steve had felt so alone for so much of it, worried every day that he would never see Loki again, terrified he would spend the rest of his life being dragged from place to place against his will. “Loki,” Steve breathed, trying to push against the seidr restraints to reach up to kiss him, but they held him down. “Can’t you let me go?”

“No,” Loki told him, perching on the edge of the bed and intertwining their fingers. Steve clutched him as hard as he was able, cursing his weak body. “Until you regain control of the Power Stone, I will continue to keep you bound.”

“I could order you to let me go,” Steve offered up with a smile. It took a moment for Loki to soften and lean forward to kiss him, smiling against Steve’s mouth.

“You could,” Loki said into the kiss. “But you won’t.” He pulled back and brushed Steve’s hair off his forehead. “Oh, Steve. I have missed you so dearly.”

Steve nodded but before he could say anything, the Power Stone began to pull at him again. He clutched tighter at Loki’s hand, as if that could stop it, and closed his eyes, waiting for the sickening pull of the Power Stone to wrap itself around him and dig inside of him and take him away.

“Oh, Steve,” came Loki’s voice again, but this time, it was more amused than anything. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“No?” Steve asked, peeking open one eye and then the other. “What did you do?”

Loki’s mouth curled into a smile and unlike almost every other person in every world or galaxy, the sight of Loki smiling sent Steve a wave of relief instead of fear or worry. “The only thing in the world as powerful as an Infinity Stone is another Infinity Stone,” Loki told him, and he brought up the hand that wasn’t intertwined with Steve’s, revealing both the Tesseract and the Soul Stone. “I have two of them.”

“Of course you do,” Steve sighed, fondly shaking his head. He sighed, looking down at the struggling Power Stone. “I don’t...I don’t have the knowledge in seidr you do. All I know is that the Power Stone has been doing something. It’s like it’s hooked to something inside of me and I can’t get away from it.”

“I know,” Loki murmured, bringing Steve’s hand up and examining the Power Stone embedded within.

“What happened?” Steve asked. “How did you stop it?”

Loki smiled again, reaching out to press two fingers to Steve’s forehead.

He blinked and he was standing in space near the Isle of Silence, looking at the small rock floating in space, the lone tree engraved with Loki’s rune. There was a small flash of purple light and then Steve saw himself stagger out of thin air, falling to his knees next to the tree. Past-Steve reached out and pressed his palm to Loki’s rune, his head turning towards Asgard, and then he curled up on the ground, trying to calm himself down.

Steve sighed at himself, remembering the way he’d felt, how alone in the world he’d been, how he was closer to giving up hope than he’d ever been before in his life, in any life, and then there came a sound. He looked away from past-Steve to see Loki and Clint appearing out of thin air, Sif and Natigus appearing on the far side of the Isle, and Steve stopped himself from jumping in surprise to see that Loki was next to him as well.

“I spent nearly a month creating a spell,” Loki told him, voice quiet, watching as his past self stuttered forward, eyes locked on Steve. Then past-Loki regained control of himself and held out a hand, seidr rushing through his fingertips. “I bound it to the Tesseract. We tracked your movements through the galaxy for nearly five months, and then found you in the Intergalactic Tavern. I tagged you with a bit of seidr and we were able to follow you and build a pattern of behavior off that.”

Steve nodded, swallowing thickly. “I fought it,” he said, not entirely sure why he sounded ashamed. “I fought it for months.” He didn’t know how long it had been since Loki had found him on the Isle—it certainly didn’t feel like long, but he couldn’t be sure—but he remembered how tired he’d been, how run down, how worn out and feeling like he was a wound that had been ripped open again and again until it was impossible to heal.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

Steve looked away from the seidr cage lowering down over the Isle and over his own unconscious form. He suddenly didn’t care for the specifics of how or why or what had gone into the spell; Loki had found him, just like he’d known he would. “You first.”

Loki dissolved the spell, the two of them reappearing in the strange white room, where Clint was sitting on an armchair next to Steve’s bed, tapping away at his phone. Loki moved around and perched on the arm of Clint’s chair, petting through his hair with one hand, grabbing hold of Steve’s hand with the other. He brushed his fingers over Steve’s empty ring finger and Steve pulled his necklace out from underneath the blanket.

“Kept falling off,” Steve told him. “When I...shrunk down.”

Loki nodded. “I was taken by the Norns in the moments after Thanos’s death, and then the Soul Stone plucked me from their grasp. The Norns...offered me a choice. Three choices, in fact.” He let out a quiet sigh and brought Steve’s hand up to his face, leaning his cheek into Steve’s palm. “I chose you. I chose Clint. I chose the life I had spent so long building and could not leave behind.”

Steve nodded, glancing at Clint, who had looked up from his phone and was staring at him. “What were the choices?”

Loki’s mouth thinned. “A life on Jotunheim, a life on Asgard, or a life on Midgard.”

“Answer the question, Loki.” Steve was no less stern now than he had been before the change, hand tightening against Loki’s face.

A visible shiver raced over Loki’s body and his mouth opened before he was even aware of answering the question. He lifted his head out of Steve’s hand, examining his fingers as he spoke. “I was offered a life where I was never taken from Jotunheim and I was the Crown Prince. I was also shown a life where Thor and I were...close. As close as one could be to another. And then the third life was Midgard, but it was a change; I was taken into custody by the Avengers and I believe would have eventually allied with them in the fight against Thanos. But I would have...I was alone. I would have been plucked from this life and taken the life that the Loki of those lives lived. I would have had all the memories of the lives before, of _this_ life, and there would have been no one else.”

Steve nodded. “What else? You said the Soul Stone?”

Loki swallowed, glancing at Steve’s face before looking back down at his hand. “Thor,” he said, voice soft. “He waited for me. He stood alone, staring off into the distance, waiting.”

Steve frowned. “Wait, hold on. You said Thor?”

“Yes. He was in the Soul Stone because it was his soul that was sacrificed to retrieve it.”

Clint suddenly sat forward. “ _You’re_ the one that told me about that,” he blurted out, pointing at Steve. “You said you saw Thor somewhere and he was standing and waiting, and he only moved when he heard a sound.”

Loki blinked a few times. “When did you see this?” he asked Steve, forcefully staring at him.

“The soul seeking potion,” Steve told him after thinking about it for a moment. “Hjalmar gave it to us. I thought it was fake.”

“There’s a potion that mimics the effects of the soul seeking potion,” Clint spoke up, “and most of the time it just pulls random things from your mind and shows you something nonsensical. But sometimes it shows you something from the future.” He frowned, rubbed a hand over his mouth.

Steve’s eyes narrowed at the archer. Something was off about him. But instead of commenting on that, he nodded and said, “Fine. I’m glad that mystery has been solved. But you saw Thor?” Disgust swelled up in his gut at even the mention of the dead god.

“I wrote down everything he said. I will allow you to read the scroll once you are well again. It is...distasteful.”

Clint snorted at that. “Yeah, that’s one word for it.”

Steve looked between the two of them, nodding slowly. “Alright. Continue, then.”

One corner of Loki’s mouth curled up at the command. “Of course. So I saw Thor, and then left the Soul World, only to be taken by the Norns, where they showed me the three doors. I demanded to be given the life I had left, and once the Norns agreed, I was put back on Midgard, six months after the battle with Thanos.”

Steve’s eyes went wide. “Six _months?_ ”

Loki nodded. “Seidr is strange,” he replied, “and the power of the Norns is even stranger. But then I had to...remedy the situation I found.” His green eyes fell to Clint, who was taking selfies with his phone. “Clint was...broken. Thanos had ripped everything from him. I eventually had to remake him from scratch.”

“Remake him?” Steve repeated, leaning against the seidr bonds to cross his eyes and stick out his tongue in the background of one of Clint’s pictures. Clint laughed delightedly and quickly sent it off to a few people.

Loki nodded. “I tried everything I could manage to fix him, but I found that the only way to do that was to completely begin again. So I made him a new body.”

Clint looked up from his phone. “Y’know, I never asked. What’d you do with the old one?”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Do you really wish to know?”

Clint considered that. “Stephen and I could probably do something with it if you didn’t like animate it and use it as a marionette in some weird play or something.”

“You would have sex with _that_ body?” Loki asked, turning to him. “It was little more than skin and bones.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be having sex with it. Stephen probably would. And it’s not like—”

“That’s enough,” Steve told them, both of their heads swinging around simultaneously to look at him. It was a little creepy but still comforting to see that not everything had changed. “You had to replace his body. Why?”

“He was dying,” Loki told him. “Nothing I had done helped. I funneled every spell and all the seidr I could manage and it changed nothing.” He sighed, shook his head, then waved a hand and the armchair stretched out enough that he and Clint could share the seat, Clint stretching out on his back and slinging his legs over the arm, his head in Loki’s lap. “So I fixed it. And then we went in search of you. That was, what, five months ago? Six?”

“And Thanos was a year ago?” Loki nodded. “So I’ve been gone for a year.” Steve sighed. “What does...what happened on Earth?”

“Sam Wilson is still Captain America,” Loki said, “and something is being discussed about new Accords, I believe. I know Stark was in a coma, due to my potion saving his life. Rhodes has said he would keep me updated but I have not checked my phone.” Clint rolled his eyes at that and reached into one of Loki’s pocket dimensions to grab his phone and turn it on. “There is also the matter of...Mjolnir. I see that you do not possess the weapon.”

“I assumed you had it.”

“I’ve been telling Loki since we got you that he should just summon it. We can fight whoever it is on the other end, if there even _is_ someone on the other end. It might’ve just been sent into the woods around my house or something,” Clint told them, waving the two phones around in the air as he talked.

Steve shook his head. “We’ll deal with that later. For now, we have bigger priorities.”

Loki flicked the top of Clint’s head and Clint tipped his head back to grin up at him. “Of course, my Captain. Now, do tell your tale.”

Sighing, Steve began, “I just wanted a _break_. A few hours to myself, a day at most. I didn’t intend to end up there, or spend as much time away as I did. I needed time to think everything over and figure out what I was going to do, and everything had changed and you were gone and everything I had depended on had disappeared. It was the same before we were married, when I was out of control, like I just needed _time._ ” He looked between the two of them and then around the empty room, wondering if he was on Asgard or somewhere else. “I was so lost,” he admitted, hating the way it felt weak. “The Power Stone overwhelmed me. It only took a moment of weakness and I’ve been fighting it ever since.” He shook his head. “I don’t remember it exactly, but I think I killed someone.”

“I’m pretty sure I would’ve heard about that,” Clint said with a frown. “I’ll ask Stephen. He’d know, or he’d be able to look it up.”

“Any chance to talk to the doctor,” Loki muttered, but it sounded more fond than he’d meant.

“I’d probably spend five months ceaselessly chasing him across the galaxy,” Clint offered up. “Even if I was given some skinny twerp at the end of it.”

“Stephen is plenty thin himself,” Loki shot back.

Clint craned his head around to look Steve over. “He’s better than that. Bet he can stand up without falling. Always liked a man taller’n me anyway. Cap’s what, half your height now? _Real_ sexy.”

“Steve is still plenty sexy!” Loki blurted, sounding horrified that he even said it. Clint snorted at him. “At least he looks like a _person_ instead of skin stretched over a skeleton!”

Clint mock gasped, sitting up and giving Loki wide eyes. “How rude!”

“Oh my god,” Steve groaned out. He pulled against the seidr bonds. “Where’s Sif? Maybe she can kill me so I don’t have to be subjected to this.”

A smile began to bloom across Loki’s face. “I have missed you as dearly as you have missed me, Steve. Thank you for telling me what happened. It has been such a long time.”

“Far too long,” Steve agreed, voice soft. He pulled against the bonds again. “Why can’t you let me go again?”

Clint and Loki exchanged glances. “When Thanos tore bonds away from Clint, he also ripped our marriage bonds away. We are still married but it is by spiderwebs instead of by bonds; I see that they have survived by the physical manifestations of our bonds.” Loki raised his left hand, showing off the thin gold ring on his finger, and then motioned to the ring on the necklace around Steve’s neck. “My working theory is that the Power Stone latched onto the bond that allowed you to utilize my seidr to travel to anywhere in the galaxy and distorted it, fueling it beyond what it was intended for. It was what caused you to be transported around the galaxy like a piece of meat. I was able to temporarily block it with the Tesseract, but it will take great strength of will on your part and great skill on mine to fix it.”

“Stephen agrees,” Clint said, eyes back on his phone.

Loki let out a harsh breath. “Stephen this, Stephen that,” he muttered, annoyed. “Do you need to go fuck him to get your mind off him for five minutes? Can you not _focus?_ ”

Clint considered that. “Probably wouldn’t hurt,” he shrugged. “But I’ll stay until we’re sure Cap is steady.”

“Oh, what sacrifice!”

“Loki,” Steve sighed. “Settle down, please. Does Clint need to leave so you can focus?”

Loki scrubbed both hands over his face, letting out a ragged gasp. “My mind races, my seidr twists, my soul is nowhere near peace. I found you and it has only gotten worse.” He pressed his face into his hands and tried to calm himself down.

Steve motioned at Clint, gesturing to his seidr bonds. Clint gave him a long, searching look and then reached forward, releasing the bonds. Steve paused for a moment and then sat forward, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Clint glanced between them and then got up, moving around the room to stand near the door.

Steve set his hands on top of Loki’s bowed head. His hands were smaller than Loki was used to, but he was still Steve, which meant he was still rooted and grounded and sure of himself, far more than Loki was. Gently, Steve brought Loki’s head forward until Loki could press his face to Steve’s lap, slipping off the armchair to kneel in front of him. “Calm down,” Steve ordered, voice gentle. “I’m here. You found me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Swear?” Loki asked, voice muffled by the blanket over Steve’s lap.

“Have I ever broken a promise?”

“Not to my knowledge,” Loki said, tipping his head against Steve’s thigh and blinking slowly up at him. “Oh, Steve. How I have missed you.”

“I haven’t seen you in a year,” Steve told him. “I think the Power Stone cavorted me all around the galaxy because I felt so lost without you. It feeds off my emotions, always has.”

Loki’s mouth curled up in a small smile. Steve stroked his fingers through his long hair; it had grown longer in Steve’s absence, past his shoulders, and it framed Loki’s sharp face lovingly, almost softening his harsh edges. But Steve didn’t want him any softer, wanted him just as he was. “So restrained, my Captain,” Loki murmured, eyes fluttering shut. “I always admired it.”

“Did you?” Steve asked, voice soft, not really believing him. “You shouldn’t. But I’m glad you’re here.”

“The hole your absence left in my heart has been filled,” Loki told him. “Let me finally rest.”

“Of course,” Steve said softly. “I’m with you.”

“Don’t think he’s slept since he came back,” Clint spoke up from near the door. “Or at least he hasn’t slept well. All he’s done is think about fixing me and finding you. I won’t be surprised if he sleeps for a week.”

Steve nodded and gestured Clint closer. “Help me get him up here,” he said, cursing his weak arms. Clint hefted Loki up and quickly disrobed him, sliding him underneath the covers and tucked up against Steve’s side. He took a picture of the two of them curled together and sent it off to a few people. Clint moved the armchair away from the bed and back against the wall, curling up in it to keep watch as both of them in the bed fell asleep, finally together again.

* * *

Ladies Eir and Sif were waiting for them when Steve woke up again, which meant he was finally back on Asgard. It had been agonizing to be sent to the Isle of Silence and not be able to leave or scream out, knowing help and home was so close but unable to reach it. Loki was still asleep, unstirring against Steve’s side, and Steve smiled down at him, brushing his long hair away from his face before looking up at Eir and Sif.

Sif smiled at him, rushing forward to hug him. She was gentler than she would’ve been before, but Steve hugged her back with all his strength, grinning up at her when she pulled back. “I have been dreadfully worried,” Sif told him, blinking away tears, “but you are home again.”

Steve caught one of her hands in his own. “I missed you,” he told her. “My right hand has been empty.”

Sif stared at him for a long moment and then nodded, blinking rapidly. She bent forward to press a kiss to the back of his hand, stepping back when Eir pointedly cleared her throat.

“Prince,” Eir greeted, her voice warm. Her eyes dropped down to Loki, still asleep, and Steve’s arm tightened reflexively around him. “You have slept for two days. I must examine you.”

Steve nodded. “Where’s Clint? He should be the one to pull this leech off me.” He turned his head to press a kiss to Loki’s forehead, the god muttering something unintelligible in his sleep and curling closer.

“With the Doctor,” Sif offered up. “He came from Midgard to offer his assistance.”

“His assistance?” Steve repeated, waving Sif closer so she could help him sit up. She was careful not to touch Loki and Steve sent her a grateful smile. “On what?”

“You, Sire,” Sif told him, stepping back.

“The general consensus is that you do not wish to keep this form,” Eir told him, gesturing to an Einherjar to come into the room. “Find the archer and bring him here.” She turned back to Steve. “Am I right in saying that?”

Steve swallowed, nodded. “I didn’t think it was possible,” he admitted. “I thought...I still don’t know why I’m like this. I just woke up like this a couple weeks after I left Earth. I thought it was something to do with the Power Stone since it’s what kept me from returning.” He flexed his hand, looking down at the Power Stone embedded in his palm. “Oh. Why am I not tied up?”

“The Stone has not attempted to take you since you and Loki have been in physical contact,” Eir told him as Clint rushed into the room, Stephen Strange on his heels. Clint waved at him and moved around the bed to put a hand on Loki’s bare shoulder. Steve watched as Loki’s eyes flew open a split second before Clint’s hand made contact, and once again felt jealous over the bond between them. He had dealt with the loss of his own marriage bonds over the past year, thought he’d managed it or at least pushed it away, but being back in close contact with Loki made the grief well up again.

Loki sat up, delicately putting a hand over his mouth to hide his yawn, and he reached a hand out towards Clint, who helped him out of bed and gave him an outfit that had been waiting for him on the armchair. Everyone other than Steve politely looked away as he dressed behind a seidr screen. Steve sighed. “Haven’t been eating well, have you?” he commented, not really asking. Loki finished putting his clothes on, turning around to look at him. “You’re thin.”

Loki shrugged one shoulder. He was wearing a grey sweatshirt and dark green leggings and he came forward to press a kiss to Steve’s cheek. “Let Eir examine you. We’ll bring you back breakfast.”

Eir waved her hand, golden seidr flowing out from her fingers and settling over Steve’s form. Clint and Loki slipped out, Steve watching them go, and then he looked up to see Stephen watching him, Sif moving back to stand guard near the door. The examination did not take long, only a few minutes, and Eir seemed pleased by what she found.

“You are healthy as can be expected,” Eir told him. “You are very sick, some sicknesses I have not seen before, but you are not dying.”

Steve sighed in relief. “I have asthma, sinusitis, high blood pressure, anemia, heart palpitations, angina, arrhythmia, I survived rheumatic fever and scarlet fever...that’s most of it. There’s also mild deafness, scoliosis, color-blindness, and they thought I had ulcers as well.”

Eir turned to Stephen. “Are there Midgard treatments for any of this?”

“Some,” Stephen said. “Our medical technologies are better than they were in Steve’s original time. But some of our treatments are just managing the symptoms. A few of the issues you have come from medicine just not being developed enough to treat those problems back then.” He sighed. “Luckily, you’re in the 2000s and also on Asgard. If you can be fixed, it’s here.”

Steve nodded, looking back at Eir. “Potions, spells?”

“At least two of those illnesses affect the lungs, yes?” Eir asked, thinking it over. Steve and Stephen both nodded. “We have potions to ease breathing; I will start you on a regiment of those. The Doctor and I will converse further on more appropriate treatments for you.”

“Great,” Steve said. “Thank you. I really do appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

Eir nodded. “Of course, my Prince.” She gave him a brief smile and then left.

Stephen stepped up next to him. His hazel eyes searched Steve’s face. He looked the same as ever, wearing a blue tunic over grey pants, his long red Cloak wrapped around his shoulders. He had a yellow sash around his waist and wore tall black boots. “We worried,” Stephen told him, his deep voice sincere. “But I knew Loki would find you. Welcome home.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, looking past him as Clint and Loki traipsed back in, Clint carrying two heavily laden trays of food. Stephen’s Cloak fluttered as Clint walked past and the trailing hem reached out for him. Steve raised an eyebrow but turned his attention to the food, suddenly ravenous. “Is everyone planning on watching me eat?” he asked as Clint set down the food and dragged the armchair back over.

Clint and Stephen exchanged pointed glances and then Clint looked to Loki, who rolled his eyes. “Go,” Loki muttered, sitting down. “Get it out of your system and then go help Eir.”

Clint leaned over and whispered something in Loki’s ear that made the god stiffen and flush, glaring at Clint as he went around Steve’s bed to grab Stephen’s hand and drag him from the room. Steve raised his eyebrows at Sif, who rolled her eyes, and then he looked back at Loki, who looked simultaneously annoyed and amused.

“Should I ask?” Steve questioned, taking the plate Loki handed him and looking down at it. Loki shot him a look that answered that question for him. “I missed Aesir food.” It was thickly cut bread, slathered with heavy butter, adorned with berries. There was a mug of watered down mead on the tray and Steve gestured for it, Loki obligingly handing it over. Steve took a drink and let out a sigh of relief. “I can’t drink too much,” he told Loki, “this body doesn’t metabolize alcohol well. But this is...it’s kind of like being home.”

Loki sent him a gentle smile and reached out to cover one of Steve’s hands with his own. “Yes,” he said, voice soft. “So it is.”

* * *

Balder had tried to be gentle with him but his hug nearly broke Steve’s back. He limped over to a couch that had been brought in for him, hiding his wince as his back screamed in pain, same with his hips. He’d been dealing with the body aches on his own for the past year and instinctively slapped Loki’s hand away as Loki came to help him sit down. Loki snatched his hand back, eyes wide, and he perched on the edge of the couch, pointedly not looking at Steve.

“Sorry,” Steve sighed, briefly squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t need any help.”

“Of course,” Loki replied tightly, hands clasped tightly in his lap. Clint came into the room and _something_ floated through the air, something like words, and Steve bared his teeth.

“Stop that,” he told them. “No talking about me.” _I’m not an invalid,_ he wanted to say, but couldn’t. _I’m still Steve._

Loki’s mouth pursed and he nodded, gaze dropping to the floor before Balder pointedly cleared his throat. Balder gestured for Clint and Sif to help him and they did so, picking up the large table and bringing it closer to the couch so Steve could eat from a place of comfort. It grated against his pride but he didn’t say anything, sitting up to pull a mug of mead close. Loki’s eyes flickered from Steve to the mug and over to Clint, but he didn’t say anything.

Balder settled into a chair across the table from Loki and Steve, filling up his plate high with food. “I fear you will not be able to take up your accustomed post,” Balder began, looking over Steve’s slight form. “Can you even wield your shield?”

“I don’t have it,” Steve told him, voice tight. “Sam has it. But...I doubt it.” He looked at the plate Clint put before him and pushed it away. “I won’t be able to fight, but I can help.”

“Of course,” Balder assured him. “It is lucky then, I suppose, that Tyr returned to us.”

Loki’s head swung around. “Tyr has returned?” he asked. “Why was I not told?” Words floated through the air again, just out of Steve’s reach, but he didn’t say anything. Clint sat down on Loki’s other side and put a hand on his leg, trying to calm him down. Steve glowered at their casual touch, hating the old jealousy that raised its ugly head again.

Balder frowned. “Did I not say anything?”

“You told Clint and myself,” Sif spoke up. “If memory serves, Thor exiled Tyr to Alfheim many years ago, and he returned due to the change.”

“I recall Thor killing him,” Loki muttered. “And for good reason.”

“The lad is a bit hot-headed, yes,” Balder said, “but I could not find what he had done to deserve exile, so I allowed him home. He is the God of War, after all, and our War Prince had gone missing.”

“Does he still only have the one hand?” Clint asked.

“Aye, I believe so,” Balder replied. “I did not ask the reason for it; it would be quite terribly rude.”

Clint sighed. “Thor cut his hand off,” he said.

“He touched me,” Loki said, pointedly pushing his plate away and shaking his head. “But if he is your army’s captain, I suppose that is good enough a place for him. As long as I do not have to speak with him.”

“Given your lack of propensity towards Asgard’s armies before the battle with Thanos, I believe you will be just fine,” Balder told him with a chuckle. “But Prince, it is an honor to welcome you home. I would ask for the story of your journey, if you are able.”

Steve grit his jaw. If he was _able?_ How weak did they think him? He sat up straight, ignoring Loki trying to help him, and pulled a plate closer towards him. He hated how much shorter he was and he had to sit up more than was comfortable on his back and chest to reach the table. “Of course,” he said. Loki turned his head to look at him, gaze inscrutable, and then he handed Steve a pillow.

“If it would be easier,” Loki told him, eyes falling down Steve’s body, and then he turned his attention back to his food.

It took Steve a moment to realize what he should do and he glowered at the side of Loki’s head, but he moved around enough to put the pillow down and then sit on it. Of course, knowing Loki, it was exactly the right height that he could sit comfortably at the table.

“Stephen said Sam and Buck want to come to Asgard,” Clint spoke up. More words moved through the air and Loki shook his head. The closer Steve was to them, the more the yawning loss of the bonds gaped in his chest, empty and hollow, the loss evermore evident.

Steve briefly closed his eyes. He wasn’t ashamed of himself, but it was embarrassing. He didn’t care if Bucky saw him, but Sam? Sam had only known him post-serum and if Loki’s reaction was anything to go by...Steve looked over at his husband. He sighed. They’d all been through a great deal in the past year. Once he was done explaining himself, the two of them needed to talk.

Steve glanced around the table, almost surprised to see understanding in everyone’s eyes. Sif looked a little hurt—Steve had sent her to Asgard instead of taking her with him, which had obviously been a mistake—but Balder only nodded, looking as understanding and kingly as he remembered. Loki reached over and took Steve’s hand, fingers brushing over the Power Stone. His other hand was intertwined with Clint’s hand on his thigh, but Steve probably would’ve been more surprised if the two of them weren’t touching.

He took strength in his husband’s grasp and began to speak. “I knew something changed the second Thanos was killed. Or before that, when he tore something away from Clint. I could feel something being torn away from me, claws wrapping around my heart and digging in and _ripping_. I didn’t realize what it was at first, but when Loki disappeared and I couldn’t find him or track him down or talk to him, I figured it out. Then everything changed—Laura, the kids, the house, _Clint..._

“I hung around for as long as I could, but I just needed a day. Just to process and start to figure out what was going to happen next. A few hours, a day at most. I went to the cabin, but the seidr I was able to grab hold of didn’t feel right, it malfunctioned somehow, and I ended up near a town. I don’t even know where it was. It was some small town in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico maybe? And the Power Stone began to fight me.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed.
> 
> please leave comments (i appreciate any comments from keysmashes to constructive criticism to compliments and anything in between) (i'm not great at answering comments but i'm working on it and i do my best! i appreciate and treasure each and every one of them) and kudos!
> 
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> twitter: @whenhedied


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